The Sac Rag » HeyMeg

Blame It On The Rain.

HeyMeg — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 21:16:20 +0000

The County H1N1 clinics have been canceled.

Mama Needs A Hoagie.

HeyMeg — Fri, 02 May 2008 16:46:37 +0000

Yeah, it’s 9:45 a.m. and I’m already thinking about where I can get a true Italian hoagie this far from Philadelphia, but back off: I’m pregnant. Just be glad you missed yesterday’s frantic run to Starbucks for a combination donut, veggie tray and coffee breakfast. Anyway there are fake hoagies and then there are the right ones, the ones I haven’t been able to find in California. Who can point me in the direction of the best hoagie Sacramento has to offer? I’m looking at you, SacEats.

This Can’t Be Right, Can It?

HeyMeg — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 23:16:29 +0000

Okay, how sad do you think these ponies are?

I Dare You To Be Snarky

HeyMeg — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 20:33:38 +0000

I can’t be the only one who thinks of recording family interviews for posterity but is too lazy to follow through on it. If you’re like me, the super cool StoryCorps Airstream trailer might be just the thing. It’s part of a national project (in conjunction with NPR) to encourage recordation of family memories, and it’s in Sacramento until May 10. You simply make a reservation, show up with your loved one, and record an interview. The suggested donation is $10. Maybe I’ve lost my edge but I just can’t think of anything sassy to say about this wonderful idea. Possibly an early Mother’s Day present? An awesome way to propose? Has anyone tried this yet?

This forced me to spell-check “Synthesizer.”

HeyMeg — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 17:26:28 +0000

Have you ever wondered what it would be like if a tiny band of synthesizer-playing women in Renaissance-themed costumes and drum-kit playing men in white suits crawled out of the speakers at the mall and began to play jazzy versions of Handel’s Messiah, inspiring middle-aged women to compliment one another on their Christmas sweaters? Or are you more the type to wonder what it would be like if Thomas Kinkaide’s artwork went through the video toaster before being projected at a stadium concert? If you’ve ever had these questions, or if you simply enjoy wizardry, Gaelic spellings (e.g. “Faeries”) and being more relaxed than you ever thought you could be in a huge sports stadium, I strongly recommend seeing Mannheim Steamroller next year at Arco Arena. We went last night. I don’t think I need to say much more except there is really very little I won’t do to please my in-laws.

How Does This Bode for Sacramento?

HeyMeg — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 23:06:16 +0000

Now that I can hyperlink I can bring your attention to an interesting article on the economic prosperity of family-friendly cities on today’s WSJ opinion page. Note the dis on SF and the promise that those of us girls with college degrees have a 75% chance of getting married. There’s lots of funny things that could be said but still, it’s an interesting story.

Janet Jackson’s Boob Fell Out? At the superbowl?

HeyMeg — Fri, 12 Oct 2007 16:33:48 +0000

From my favorite celebrity trash site (mollygood.com) comes the recognition of our fine city’s outstanding journalism. Seriously? We’re still asking JJ about her boob? Next after the break some hilarious Monica Lewinsky jokes.

This is What Lame-Ass Editorials Look Like.

HeyMeg — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 22:06:05 +0000

May I turn your attention to the latest anti-war protest coverage from SN&R. This is the kind of thing that makes me feel SN&R is often just a half-step up from a zine I got from some kid at the show my mom didn’t know I went to. Oh wait, it’s 2007 and I’m in my 30’s? Never mind. Anyway it’s kind of a non-story, but the only people who showed up at a recent anti-war protest were old hippies romanticizing the 60’s, and the effect was neither as far out nor as radical as hoped for. Some but not all obvious conclusions include a) lots of people who oppose the war recognize the issue is a lot more complex than a bumpersticker can address or b) lots of people support the U.S. action in Iraq or c) anti-war protest groups need some help in the organizational department. I’d be interested in hearing a report about these or any other curious aspects of the paltry attendance at an anti-war rally held in state portrayed as being wildly opposed to the war. Instead SN&R chose the approach of assuming that there exists a massive body of folks who believe violence has suddenly been popping up in the Middle East with no genesis but “U.S. Policy” but we don’t see them at protests because the great spirit of passionate outrage and protesting has been suppressed by evil oil companies and corporate-backed politicians or the Patriot Act or something like that. I’m bored of my own post just thinking about this type of cliched analysis of the political landscape. The end.

Free Slurpee Day

HeyMeg — Tue, 10 Jul 2007 23:17:43 +0000

Need I say more? Probably not but that fact has never stopped me in the past. Tomorrow, 7/11, is one of the best days of the year because it is the day on which 7-11 gives away free slurpees. Pick one up on your way to a free Regal movie and you’ve got yourself one heck of a day. Enjoy!

I want to ride my bicycle…

HeyMeg — Wed, 27 Jun 2007 16:54:00 +0000

I want to ride my bike. Watch out people, I’m all hepped up on Endorphins. Is anyone else riding his or her bike to work these days? I am lucky enough to access to a bike locker and locker room at my work, which is a completely awesome perk that no one else seems to use. I always have the whole place to myself. So, after a totally refreshing and fun commute to work I have a nice little bit of alone time to drink coffee (yes, I have a latte holder on my handlebars) and shower before facing the office. Just wondering how many other SacRaggers out there are commuting with bikes these days. Any odd experiences? And another question, most likely to be answered by RunnerGirl, any ideas of how to get that Queen song out of my head? (… I don’t wanna be a candidate
For Vietnam or Watergate
Cos all I want to do is
Bicycle bicycle bicycle …)

Hide Your Lunch

HeyMeg — Tue, 12 Jun 2007 17:05:55 +0000

Admittedly that title may be hitting slightly below the gigantic supposedly anti-capitalistic designer belt. Michael Moore is coming to Sacramento today to lecture the legislature on how to handle health care. Because the musings of a filmmaker who, by the way, couldn’t look less healthy, are relevant to such a complex problem. I guess in a state where portraying yourself as a robot from the future counts as gubanatorial portraying yourself as an expert on government conspiracies makes you qualified to pontificate on health care. Glad to know our legislature is spending its time so wisely. Perhaps to beat summer doldrums they can get George Clooney or Bono to come talk about Africa.

(Almost) Nobody’s Perfect!

HeyMeg — Tue, 08 May 2007 17:04:30 +0000

As one who scientifically deduced the precise number of school days I could miss or otherwise tune out and still get the required grades, may I be so bold as to nominate high school student Jennifer Matre for a big fat SacRag Right Awn? This morning Matre was honored by the Sacramento County Board of Supervisors for acheiving a perfect attendance record from kindergarten through high school. Can we agree that that is amazing? Way to go Jennifer!

Mr. Tim Hearts Math

HeyMeg — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 22:29:14 +0000

Okay, I’m amused and annoyed at the same time. Current local ad for a bike on today’s Craigslist:

My current mode of transportation is my bike. I have finally decided to part ways with my bike. One, I am hoping with the money that I get, I can purchase a calculator that will compute partial derivatives and other such computations as required for the completion of my vector analysis course. Two, I know none of these calculators exist. Three, I do not expect you to know this, and that you will be tricked to giving me money.

I present to you a challenge. The actual price for my bikemobile will be simple if you can calculate exactly to the ninth decimal value the volume of the solid given by the equation z=5x^3+3y^(1/34). This is bounded in the first quadrant and the lines x=ln y, y=ln z, and z=ln x. I will give any one who accepts this challenge a discount. For you simpletons who do not understand my asking price, please look elsewhere. If you do not have money or are stupid, you may not purchase my bike.

If you will accept my offer, I will also include my helmet. My helmet has protected me as it will protect you. It is loyal, and it is white. It does not look white anymore.

My name is Mr. Tim.

Weirdo at the Bus Stop

HeyMeg — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 18:16:41 +0000

And by that I mean ME. This morning, late to the bus as usual, I ran out the door with two bags and coat pockets full of stuff that could easily have been consolidated into one cute little purse, if I was the organized type. I proceeded to rifle through those bags and pockets in order to do the following while waiting for the (late) bus: brush hair, put on lipstick, put on earrings, eat breakfast, take a multi-vitamin, put on socks and, finally, consolidate bags/pockets. All while daydreaming up a story about why the dog at the neighboring house was howling when he is usually quiet. So my question, SacRaggers, is: am I the only one who functions at this level at a bus stop? What weird things do you do, or have you seen others doing, while waiting for RT?

Time to Get A Cruiser: Garage Sale Tips

HeyMeg — Wed, 24 Jan 2007 23:09:16 +0000

I know that title makes little sense but I’ve been absent from SacRag for a while and I guess I’m a bit rusty. Anyhoo (a phrase I hate), I don’t know whether it’s just that I’ve been living in Sacramento for a while now, or the subliminal pressure of past SacRag posts on the subject, or all the talk of “the environment”, but I’m obsessed with getting a bike. And not the kind of bike that would give people any chance of mistaking me with an athlete either. I’m in the market for a super-vain cruiser that can only get me to Burr’s ice cream and back, people. The obsession is so strong that it’s finally motivated me to have that garage sale I’ve been talking about for months. So it’s coming up. The date and location have been intentionally ommited so as to preserve our hallowed SacRag from becoming a craigslist substitute. I’m not plugging my sale here, I’m wondering: Any good tips out there for pulling off a blow-out garage sale, Sacramento style?

You Can Pick Your Friends

HeyMeg — Thu, 21 Sep 2006 16:11:49 +0000

But you can’t pick your nose on the bus, evidently. Not that I’ve tried. Not that I’ve ever considered the question, frankly. On the Sacramento RT there’s always a common assortment of entertaining people – the teenager on her cell phone and the guy rambling about Noam Chomsky and how President Bush is the devil (oh, wait, that might be the president of Venezuela). But sometimes you hit the RT jackpot and get something really different and special. Like last night. My first clue that something good was afoot was that a man wearing an eye patch that actually had a skull & crossbones on it sat down next to a lady with barely any teeth. As we all settled in comfortably for the ride up J Street, she starting shouting at him “Sir, could you please not pick your nose on the bus? That’s very rude.” What followed was so good I had to take notes in the back of my book:

Eye Patch: “You’re not my mother. You have no authority over me.”
No Teeth: “I’m not your mother but I shouldn’t have to look at you picking your nose right in front of my face. Go to the front of the bus if you want to do that.” (Apparantly that’s the reserved section for nose-picking, FYI).
Eye Patch: (Shouting) – “You have no authority over me. I can pick my nose all the time – all I want.”
No Teeth: “You should stop doing that. What if you wipe it on the seat and I have to sit there?”
Eye Patch: “Well maybe you should stop what you’re doing lady. Maybe you should repent for your sins and accept Jesus Christ as your Lord!”
No Teeth: “I don’t want no part of your Lord, picking his nose. My Lord don’t pick his nose.”
Eye Patch: “Lady, you wash your cups and ceremonial bowls but inside you are full of filth and dead bodies.”
No Teeth: “Quit picking your nose.”
Eye Patch: “I can pick my nose all I want, in Jesus’ name. In Jesus’ name, lady”

And, unfortunately, his stop arrived. On the way out he shouted “Don’t get caught dead without Jesus.”

There is nothing more I can say about this. Just passing along what you may have missed by driving.

Everybody’s Working for the Weekend

HeyMeg — Wed, 09 Aug 2006 18:09:49 +0000

Kenny Loggins, Loverboy, Boyz II Men, REO Speedwagon, Sinbad, Village People, Rick Springfield, Ted Nugent and Tesla. The cast of a new reality show where washed up celebrities go on diets or blind dates? NO. The soundtrack to your upcoming high school reunion? NO. The leftover Karaoke choices at the end of a long night on a cheesy cruise to Ensenada (she asks from experience)? Alas, no.

My friends, these are the headline acts for the California State Fair starting this Friday. Are we not California? Can we not do better than this? It’s bad enough that it will be hot and the parking overpriced but really, Tesla?

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, COOLDMZ’s

HeyMeg — Fri, 14 Jul 2006 21:51:19 +0000

I don’t think it’s taking too much liberty to wish our fearless leader CoolDMZ and his fearless leader Mrs. CoolDMZ a happy anniversary as they celebrate 5 amazing years of marriage today. Let the Bastille Day comparisons begin!

Hecka Culture and the Devil

HeyMeg — Thu, 06 Jul 2006 16:45:21 +0000

Actual conversation overheard by me at McKinley Park after work:

Girl One: I want to go somewhere different this year though.
Girl Two: Yeah. Not like somewhere hecka touristy either.
Girl One: I know. I want to go somewhere with like hecka museums and hecka restaurants and, just like…
Girl Two: Hecka culture.
Girl One: Yeah. But definitely not like hecka tourists though.
Girl Two: Maybe like Greece or something.

The next day at the farmer’s market I saw a dude wearing a T-shirt that said, “THE DEVIL IS A PIMP. DON’T BE HIS HO.” Now, I ask you: is there not hecka culture right here in Sacramento? And not even hecka tourists either?

Public Transit Tip

HeyMeg — Tue, 27 Jun 2006 22:22:56 +0000

To the guy ranting and raving on outbound bus 34 at 6:45 last night, just an FYI: to use public transit you have to go to a designated transit stop and wait for it to come to you more or less on schedule. That’s how it works. Apparantly this dude felt differently, because he chased the bus to a stop only after attempting to flag it down at a random point. When he finally got on he proceeded to scream at the driver for about 5 stops about how he couldn’t believe she didn’t stop the bus mid-road at his beck and call. It’s not a cab, dude. It’s the bus. He then progressed to screaming generally, “I CAN’T BE IN THE SUN! I CAN’T BE IN THE SUN!” Understood. The heat is making me crazy too. May I suggest a hat or some SPF. Or perhaps private transport. Lastly, he resorted to screaming over and over, “You are a jerk!” Kudos for refraining from outright vulgarity. Nevertheless, sir, have you considered that perhaps it is you who is the jerk? P.S. to the couple making out in the seat next to me, RIGHT AWN! That was better than free cable.

Handy Vector Control

HeyMeg — Fri, 23 Jun 2006 16:41:22 +0000

As previously mentioned we just moved into a new house. It came with a coi pond full of water. But no coi. So in other words, it’s basically a West Nile Virus breeding ground in my back yard. The mosquito society going on back there was kind of interesting at first but it got old fast. We plan to get rid of the pond but until then we’ve been debating what to do since we don’t want to poison the ground, birds or our dog drinking from it but we also don’t care to raise insects. Then the coolest thing happened. This morning a worker from the County Vector Control stopped by because they had a report of our house being vacant with a coi pond in the back. He let us in on the County’s policy of providing, free of charge, teeny mosquito-eating fish for just such a situation. He then offered to come back regularly and service the pond by taking care of the fish, which he said would eliminate the bugs. Pretty handy service that I never would have thought to call on. So way to go, Vector Control. Thanks for the fish. PS: if anyone wants free fish about two weeks from now we’re still getting rid of that pond. Maybe we will take them to the pound and pit animal control against vector control.

Tommy Tune Hearts Sacramento

HeyMeg — Thu, 22 Jun 2006 16:26:53 +0000

Has anyone else been to see Dr. Doolittle on the Broadway Series? I saw it last night. The cuteness of the show was enhanced by the cuteness of all the little children in the audience cracking up at the animal jokes. Very fun. I’m actually not a musical theater buff but I hear that Tommy Tune who played Dr. Doolittle is big in that world. He was outstanding. Just in case I didn’t get the child-friendly jokes and dialogue I had a woman sitting behind me who was clever enough to guess the punchlines and shout them out before the actors could. I’m sure she was trying to be helpful. For example when Dr. Doolittle had an epiphany and realized aloud that although he had learned every animal language he had neglected to learn the most important language of all, the woman behind me was kind enough to volunteer, “the language of the heart” which indeed was his next line. Way to go lady. At the end of the play the cast gathered round and Tommy Tune addressed the audience, saying that he loved Sacramento and noting that we are all so lucky to have so many trees. Then he hung around to sign autographs. Very sweet. Anyone else see it or any other plays here lately?

PAT VOGELI: A cure for housing woes?

HeyMeg — Wed, 21 Jun 2006 23:43:37 +0000

The slew of articles and rumors on a declining housing market had my husband and I pretty uptight when it came time to sell our house for something slightly larger. We worried that whatever profit the market did provide could be devoured by realtor’s fees and repair costs, so we weren’t even sure if we should hire a realtor. It didn’t ease our confusion any when one realtor told us flat out that the market was dead (not exactly inspiring our confidence) and another submitted a proposed selling price that was so inflated and greedy even we could tell it would leave us sitting on the market forever. Luckily, we met realtor Pat Vogeli while helping a friend shop for houses. Simply put, Pat was AWESOME.

Those having trouble with the house-selling process would do quite well to call him. He’s been working in Sacramento forever and he knows the communities, other realtors and the market really well. The first thing Pat told us when he came to see our house was that it would sell. Good start. His demeanor was so professional and positive that we always looked forward to seeing him and although he was extremely confident he never let us be naive. He took care to educate us on the market and braced us for the process of having strangers parade through our house and doing paperwork galore. He heavily marketed our house, giving us the individual attention that made us feel we were his only clients (not true by a long shot). He gave excellent advice, steering us on more than one occasion away from an unreasonable offer or an overambitious purchasing plan. He sold our house in 30 days at a price that we were thrilled with. Still, he let us know that he would have waited much longer for whatever deal was right for us – he always seemed more concerned with providing us quality representation than with his own best interests or commission. Pat went above and beyond and made us laugh at the thought that we ever considered going forward without a realtor. Every step of the way he was trustworthy and knowledgeable. I’d recommend him highly to anyone considering entering the real estate market. Pat Vogeli, Coldwell Banker: 207-4515. Perhaps the right realtor is the key to surviving in what’s perceived to be a slowing market. Incidentally, Pat’s also a SacRag fan!!!

Get Ready For Your Closeup

HeyMeg — Fri, 31 Mar 2006 19:02:40 +0000

Has anyone else been hearing lots of buzz around the workplace based on the fact that the Apprentice is having auditions today in Sacramento?

BOOBS!

HeyMeg — Tue, 14 Feb 2006 19:45:48 +0000

Just a tip: don’t take your kids to the downtown mall today even though the carousel is looking awesome. There’s a rather vivid display apparently demonstrating the point that wearing fur is bad but objectifying women for the sake of making a minorly relevant social point is A-OK. Translation: there’s totally topless women protesting fur in front of the mall entrance, surrounded by super lame businessmen taking pictures on their camera phones. Personally I don’t think I should have to walk past that to run a quick errand at the mall. On the other hand if you’re in the mood for gazing at some bare boobs you might want to hop on the downtown bound light rail and stop at St. Rose of Lima.