As one who scientifically deduced the precise number of school days I could miss or otherwise tune out and still get the required grades, may I be so bold as to nominate high school student Jennifer Matre for a big fat SacRag Right Awn?  This morning Matre was honored by the Sacramento County Board of Supervisors for acheiving a perfect attendance record from kindergarten through high school. Can we agree that that is amazing? Way to go Jennifer!

Okay, I’m amused and annoyed at the same time. Current local ad for a bike on today’s Craigslist:

My current mode of transportation is my bike. I have finally decided to part ways with my bike. One, I am hoping with the money that I get, I can purchase a calculator that will compute partial derivatives and other such computations as required for the completion of my vector analysis course. Two, I know none of these calculators exist. Three, I do not expect you to know this, and that you will be tricked to giving me money.

Continue reading “Mr. Tim Hearts Math” »

And by that I mean ME. This morning, late to the bus as usual, I ran out the door with two bags and coat pockets full of stuff that could easily have been consolidated into one cute little purse, if I was the organized type. I proceeded to rifle through those bags and pockets in order to do the following while waiting for the (late) bus: brush hair, put on lipstick, put on earrings, eat breakfast, take a multi-vitamin, put on socks and, finally, consolidate bags/pockets. All while daydreaming up a story about why the dog at the neighboring house was howling when he is usually quiet. So my question, SacRaggers, is: am I the only one who functions at this level at a bus stop? What weird things do you do, or have you seen others doing, while waiting for RT?

I know that title makes little sense but I’ve been absent from SacRag for a while and I guess I’m a bit rusty. Anyhoo (a phrase I hate), I don’t know whether it’s just that I’ve been living in Sacramento for a while now, or the subliminal pressure of past SacRag posts on the subject, or all the talk of “the environment”, but I’m obsessed with getting a bike.  And not the kind of bike that would give people any chance of mistaking me with an athlete either. I’m in the market for a super-vain cruiser that can only get me to Burr’s ice cream and back, people. The obsession is so strong that it’s finally motivated me to have that garage sale I’ve been talking about for months. So it’s coming up. The date and location have been intentionally ommited so as to preserve our hallowed SacRag from becoming a craigslist substitute. I’m not plugging my sale here, I’m wondering: Any good tips out there for pulling off a blow-out garage sale, Sacramento style?

But you can’t pick your nose on the bus, evidently. Not that I’ve tried. Not that I’ve ever considered the question, frankly. On the Sacramento RT there’s always a common assortment of entertaining people - the teenager on her cell phone and the guy rambling about Noam Chomsky and how President Bush is the devil (oh, wait, that might be the president of Venezuela). But sometimes you hit the RT jackpot and get something really different and special. Like last night. My first clue that something good was afoot was that a man wearing an eye patch that actually had a skull & crossbones on it sat down next to a lady with barely any teeth. As we all settled in comfortably for the ride up J Street, she starting shouting at him “Sir, could you please not pick your nose on the bus? That’s very rude.” What followed was so good I had to take notes in the back of my book:
Continue reading “You Can Pick Your Friends” »

Kenny Loggins, Loverboy, Boyz II Men, REO Speedwagon, Sinbad, Village People, Rick Springfield, Ted Nugent and Tesla. The cast of a new reality show where washed up celebrities go on diets or blind dates? NO. The soundtrack to your upcoming high school reunion? NO. The leftover Karaoke choices at the end of a long night on a cheesy cruise to Ensenada (she asks from experience)? Alas, no.

My friends, these are the headline acts for the California State Fair starting this Friday. Are we not California? Can we not do better than this? It’s bad enough that it will be hot and the parking overpriced but really, Tesla?

I don’t think it’s taking too much liberty to wish our fearless leader CoolDMZ and his fearless leader Mrs. CoolDMZ a happy anniversary as they celebrate 5 amazing years of marriage today. Let the Bastille Day comparisons begin!

Actual conversation overheard by me at McKinley Park after work:

Girl One: I want to go somewhere different this year though.
Girl Two: Yeah. Not like somewhere hecka touristy either.
Girl One: I know. I want to go somewhere with like hecka museums and hecka restaurants and, just like…
Girl Two: Hecka culture.
Girl One: Yeah. But definitely not like hecka tourists though.
Girl Two: Maybe like Greece or something.

The next day at the farmer’s market I saw a dude wearing a T-shirt that said, “THE DEVIL IS A PIMP. DON’T BE HIS HO.” Now, I ask you: is there not hecka culture right here in Sacramento? And not even hecka tourists either?

To the guy ranting and raving on outbound bus 34 at 6:45 last night, just an FYI: to use public transit you have to go to a designated transit stop and wait for it to come to you more or less on schedule. That’s how it works. Apparantly this dude felt differently, because he chased the bus to a stop only after attempting to flag it down at a random point. When he finally got on he proceeded to scream at the driver for about 5 stops about how he couldn’t believe she didn’t stop the bus mid-road at his beck and call. It’s not a cab, dude. It’s the bus. He then progressed to screaming generally, “I CAN’T BE IN THE SUN! I CAN’T BE IN THE SUN!” Understood. The heat is making me crazy too. May I suggest a hat or some SPF. Or perhaps private transport. Lastly, he resorted to screaming over and over, “You are a jerk!” Kudos for refraining from outright vulgarity. Nevertheless, sir, have you considered that perhaps it is you who is the jerk? P.S. to the couple making out in the seat next to me, RIGHT AWN! That was better than free cable.

As previously mentioned we just moved into a new house. It came with a coi pond full of water. But no coi. So in other words, it’s basically a West Nile Virus breeding ground in my back yard. The mosquito society going on back there was kind of interesting at first but it got old fast. We plan to get rid of the pond but until then we’ve been debating what to do since we don’t want to poison the ground, birds or our dog drinking from it but we also don’t care to raise insects. Then the coolest thing happened. This morning a worker from the County Vector Control stopped by because they had a report of our house being vacant with a coi pond in the back. He let us in on the County’s policy of providing, free of charge, teeny mosquito-eating fish for just such a situation. He then offered to come back regularly and service the pond by taking care of the fish, which he said would eliminate the bugs. Pretty handy service that I never would have thought to call on. So way to go, Vector Control. Thanks for the fish. PS: if anyone wants free fish about two weeks from now we’re still getting rid of that pond. Maybe we will take them to the pound and pit animal control against vector control.