There will be further reporting once I’ve tucked into a new (and hopefully not improved) Squeeze with cheese in the next few days.

Comedian and host Noel Dewitt (who also happens to own one of Sacramento’s best salons,  Mirrors) will share the stage with an unlikely, but hard-not-to-like lineup of comedian John Ross, comedy jazz duo The Freebadge Serenaders (don’t be surprised if one of the members of the Serenaders looks surprisingly like me), and The Snobs.

The cover charge is a paltry $3, and drink specials will be flowing all night. Come on by for some toe-tappin’, belly-bustin’ good times.

Press Club, 9PM, $3- 2030 P St

All I can say is “Thank God.” I was a bit worried that we were expected to mix teriyaki with a brandy spiked cheese sauce, or dipping slivers of yellowtail into molten chocolate. 

So, has anyone had shabu-shabu before? Anyone actually eaten at the new Shabu restaurant yet? Anyone turning Japanese?  Let us know.

Drop by and sip on a hot toddy and maybe I’ll see you there.

The Shady Lady Saloon- 1409 R St, Sacramento (click here for more details)

In one word: mussels. Plan B Cafe in Arden Town Center knows how to do mussels. With coconut broth, or spicy cilantro broth, or white wine and garlic, or tomato sauce (or as my Nana would say, “tomato gravy”) with herbes de provence, these folks know how to serve up some bivalves.  The rest of the menu ain’t too shabby either, a bit expensive, but delicious and elegant enough to warrant most of the price. The mussels, however, are a steal at $12 (and extra $3 for fries, but trust me, you need the fries).

One of the more whimsical thoughts is that the space Plan B occupies used to be a toy store. I don’t know what that has to do with anything, I just think it’s kind of funny.

Try the desserts, especially anything with a crust — tarte tarin, pear tartlette, anything gallette — but stay away from the bread they bring to the table.  Someone in the kitchen is obviously a talented pastry chef, but not much of a bread maker.

Plan B Cafe- Watt & Fair Oaks in Arden Town Center, Sacramento

Foo ***1/2 Ambiance *** Service ****

CAKE: Tonight 9:30 Blue Lamp

Get in line now.

Not me. I had to choke it down myself, and choke it down I did.

Ok, to be fair, Ernesto’s food is not horrible. It won’t give you a ride on the “vomit comet” or the “anal egress express” but it will leave you with a serious sense of “edible amnesia.” Edible amnesia is the condition that occurs when the food that you eat is so bland and uninteresting that you can’t even remember eating it. And that’s where Ernesto’s fits it. It’s Mexican food for people from Slovakia. It has zero flavor, no passion, and  a serious lack of oomph, in fact no oomph whatsoever. It’s like someone back in the kitchen is treating corn starch as a spice.  The sauces are weak and flavorless, the meats bland, and the soups waifish. Yeah I said waifish.

So, just in case you were wondering, Ernesto’s is still not anyplace you’d want to go if eating was your goal. Margaritas aren’t bad though.

Also in Arden/Arcade, one of the whiter parts of town, Cheffrey’s: An American Bistro, closed up shop recently.  Owners of the best sweet potato fries in town and a key lime pie that would make your face contort into sweet/soury puckers of joy, Cheffrey’s shut down  operations last month.  The owners’ catering business, Refer-a-Chef, is still up and running however.

A) This is probably one of the best Barberas made in California. B) It’s stupid cheap. And C) See A and B.

It’s a beautiful time of year to head up to Plymouth in Amador County. Drive on up with one of your many days off in the next few months and grab yourself one of the best wine steals this year. For maps, product info and events, check out Terre Rouge/Easton Wines at terrerougewines.com.

Check the Sacramento Comedy Spot’s website for information on show times, tickets, and a schedule of classes where you can learn how perform improv, write sketches, and put together a stand-up act worthy of the club circuit. www.saccomedyspot.com

Thankfully, very few people have been disappointed (other than those insufferables who just love to hate on restaurants), so all is good in the fragile environmnet of Land Park.

Part wine bar, part open kitchen, and part neighborhood bistro, Taylor’s Kitchen is putting out great seasonal food that stands up to the lofty reputation already achieved by it’s namesake market. Chef John Masia has put together an intriguing and ever-changing menu that manages to highlight ingredients at their seasonal best while also showing off the talents of his capable kitchen staff.

The menu is pretty much spot-on with some of the freshest, most indulgent dishes that I’ve had the pleasure of consuming in recent memory. A pancetta wrapped pork chop served with a cherry and red onion marmalade alongside caramelized onion scalloped potatoes wins the award for culinary indulgence. The pork chop is perfectly prepared, moist and tender, the thin pancetta lending a salty and rich note to every bite, while the scalloped potatoes push the dish to elegantly gluttonous heights.

Another standout is the quail special, which pairs two delicately prepared quails with a honey and grape jus laced with pancetta. As a diner, you might be inclined to delicately use your knife and fork to pull apart the tiny bird, but trust me, it’s well worth it to go medieval and use your hands to get at the rich birdy flesh. Served alongside is a porcini mushroom couscous that pairs wonderfully with the quail. Unfortunately, on one of my visits the couscous was served undercooked to the point of being crunchy. When this was brought to our server’s attention however, she quickly fetched a properly prepared serving and it was heavenly.

Since the menu changes frequently, you might find these or other offerings to delight the senses, but if you see the tuna carpaccio or the scallop appetizer, move on down the line as they’re not the best fare to indulge one’s appetites on.

Desserts, however, kick epic glute. A buttermilk panna cotta and frozen chocolate mousse both titillate and titillate (tell me that you don’t like the word titillate, come on, i dare ya), the panna cotta soft and subtle with a side of still-life perfect blackberries, while the frozen mousse, not exactly the prettiest the prettiest thing to look at being a cold chunk of brown goop, still would satisfy any chocolate lover’s desires.

Keeping up with its reputation for fine wines, the kitchen’s wine list is both creative and affordable. While not overly extensive, the offerings bring together local and international wines with most offerings being in the $30-a-bottle range. Beer is also pretty limited, with only two beers on tap, but both – Scrimshaw Pilsner and Red Seal Ale — are excellent, coming from North Coast Brewery in Mendocino.

The small, cozy space Taylor’s Kitchen occupies is made even cozier by the wonderfully warm service. From servers to cooks, all are friendly, accommodating, knowledgeable, and, if all reports are true, great in the sack (I made that last part up). Go, eat, be full.

Taylor’s Kitchen- 2924 Freeport, Sacramento
Food ***1/2 Service *** Atmosphere ***

Alternatively, hit up Sacramento Brewing Company, Flaming Grill, and Sam’s Hof Brau, for some hardcore suburban Oktober’ing if you happen to be closer to that neighborhood.

So if you’re looking to test your wits against other folks and looking for a good meal while you do it, it’s hard to beat the area’s trivia nights and pub quizzes. Here’s a list of some of the most popular knowledge nights with a few suggestions on meal pairing to go with your brain teasers.

Streets of London- Probably the longest running pub quiz in town, the Sunday night quiz at Streets of London is also one of the most challenging. Quizmaster Ken Koch, the grand daddy of local quiz purveyors, can be jovial, bombastic, or even downright surly, but he’s always fair. It’s a written quiz, so don’t even try to shout out the answer or you will receive a tongue lashing to remember.
To keep your stomach from grumbling and keep the brain fed, try Street’s fish and chips. It’s one of the best in town. Or for the more adventurous, go for the Scotch egg, a hard boiled egg rolled in ground sausage and deep fried. I’m told it’s an acquired taste.
Where: Streets of London, 1804 J St., Sacramento
When: Fridays, 9PM (also held on Tuesdays and Wednesdays at their Folsom and West Sacramento locations respectively, both at 8:30)

The Shack- Every Wednesday night, Dan Scott, local writer, sexy Sacramentan and policy wonk, trots out a 25 question quiz that is a challenge for even the most trivial-minded. With questions on music, art, literature, politics, and obscure Simpsons episodes, you’re likely to bring away some facts with which to impress your friends.
Even better than the quiz, however, is the brain food coming out of owner Gary Sleppy’s kitchen. Try the moules frites (mussels and fries) on a cold night, the Belgian beer broth under the mussels a perfect brew to get the synapses firing. Or for lighter fair, try the jerk chicken salad, a beautiful small plate with cabbage, jicama, red onions, cilantro, and tortilla strips topped with expertly jerked chicken and dressed with a mango vinaigrette.
Where: The Shack, 5201 Folsom Blvd, Sacramento
When: Wednesdays, 6:30pm

Sacramento Brewing Company- Sacramento Brewing Company has one of the best tap lineups in town. With their own beers brewed on site along with some of the best microbrews in the country, it’s hard to find a bad beer. It’s also hard to win their Thursday night team trivia challenge.
If you’ve brought a team with you, odds are you can feed them all with SBC’s drunken pig tostada salad. A combination of pulled pork, pepper jack, peanuts, black beans, guacamole, tomatoes, green onions, and buttermilk dressing, all served in a fried tostada shell, it’s a meal fit for a whole team, or one very hungry knowledge junkie.
Where: Sacramento Brewing Company, 2713 El Paseo Ln, Town & Country Village
When: Thursdays at 7:30pm

Bonn Lair- One of the coziest pubs in all of Sacramento, this East Sac local is perfect place to park yourself on a stool and grab a real English pint. Or try your hand at darts, or watch a soccer – er, I mean football — match on the tele. Every Sunday night though, trivia is on the menu.
For the full British experience, try the shepherd’s pie with a pint of Old Speckled Hen.
Where: Bonn Lair, 2651 J St, Sacramento
When: Sundays, 8:30pm

Best Meal: BBQ Beef sandwich at “Buns on the Run” – Still the best food seller at the fair, this little trailer on the east side of the park, just across from the petting zoo with the word “Sausage” emblazoned on it’s sign doles out the best meal on the grounds. The bbq beef is sweet and succulent, the roll is incredible, a deep fried masterpiece of dough science, and the homemade potato chips on the side are just awesome. Also, this place does a damn fine boneless rib sandwich.

Best Deep Fried Delicacy: Deep Fried Oreos at Chicken Charlie’s- Charlie’s has been setting the standard in deep fried audaciousness for years now. I was a huge fan of the fried Elvis — a battered and fried peanut butter and banana sandwich — but it was taken off the men after the piping hot pb sent 158 people to the local burn unit. Now, I go for the Oreos with chocolate sauce. The small cookies have a great filling to breading ratio and they manage to stay fairly crispy inside the batter shell. However, if you’re really daring and haven’t eaten this year , try the deep fried White Castle Hamburger.

Best Sweet Treat: Country Fair Cinnamon Rolls- Two stands, one located in the county exhibit building, the other on the east side of the consumer pavilion (aka crap hut) , dole out some of the best cinnamon rolls in the world. The syrupy white frosting and tender cinnamon ladened dough is on par with the finest Austrian pastry. It’s only improved by asking for extra “gunk,” which is the cinnamon, sugar and butter on the bottom of the pan scraped up and sprinkled on top of your roll.

Best Childish Adult Beverage: Wine Slushies at the Wine Garden- You like wine, right? You like slushy beverages too? ‘Nuff said. One word of warning though, besides brain freeze, these childish delights will sneak up on you, especially on a hot day. Make sure to balance each glass with a trip to the free water tent.

Best thing you can only get at the fair: Smoked Turkey Leg- There’s something wonderfully cromagnon-like about ripping into a giant smoked turkey leg, the meat still pink from the smoke, the skin crispy and greasy in your teeth. Keep an eye out for the two giant smokers on either end of the crap hut for the best meaty goodness around. And always, always bring a few friends to share the leg with you. I suggest just holding the leg in front of your face and having a circle of hungry friends alternately rip off chunks — with their hands or their teeth — until there’s nothing left but bone and sinew. It’s like some wonderfully pagan ritual that feels all too familiar in that old hunter/gatherer part of your brain.

Here’s the strange thing about this whole ADA system: no changes were made to the building, and someone else can come along and sue instead. Of course, if someone else does sue, they’ll be subject to the withering criticism of animal fat lovers everywhere.  I’d go over there today to celebrate, but I’m saving my arterial blockage for the STATE FAIR WHICH STARTS TOMORROW!!!!

I LOVE YOU POPPY!!!!!!!!

In what is probably a wildly optimistic listing, the realtor has stated:

Honey, stop the car! Don’t miss this rare opportunity to purchase the crown jewel of Arden Park! Absolutely no expense was spared in this spectacular 5 bedroom 4 bath 4400+ sq ft home which also includes a 2 bedroom 1 bath 850+ sq ft guest home, totaling almost 5,300 sq ft. Check the comps, this is a tremendous value and similar homes in this zip code are priced far higher and do not offer this level of quality. Bring your pickiest buyers quickly, this home will not last!

At over $1 million, I think that this house might last. Have you seen any similarly tricked out mcmansions in your neighborhood?

Normally, I wouldn’t trouble you with a little friendly bickering, but I feel like he provides some insight into the whole pizza debate that is pretty valuable and worth sharing. So here, in the great tradition of the Socratic dialogue, is the Sacramento pizza argument. I will be labeled as ME while my friend will be labeled as Pierre:

PIERRE: Hot Italian has the best pizza in town, without a doubt. It’s the only true Neopolitan pizza.
ME: Are you on something? Every time I’ve been there, the pie has been bland, floppy, and not too inspiring.
PIERRE: Good Neapolitan pizza comes down to three simple factors- dough (flour type and water), tomato sauce, and toppings.
ME: I notice that flavor doesn’t enter into the argument here.
PIERRE: You’re missing the point. As for dough, Hot Italian has the best in the area by far; one has to travel to the bay area for crust like that (pizzaiolo, delfina, four and water etc). Now good crust is also a function of the oven, and the oven at Hot Italian is a phenomenal oven built in Campagnia for them and shipped to Sacramento (Hot Italian’s chef owner previously owned a couple pizza places in Italy).
ME: Ah so what you’re saying is that you hate America, that we’re too un-Italian to make good pizza.
PIERRE: Not at all, the Italians just have more experience at it. Notice when a pie comes out at Hot Italian you get small black scorched spots, like in the homeland- that’s from really good flour, that is artisanally milled (00 Molino Caputo flour) and thus has a gluten content in the range of 11.5-12.5%. The combination of a perfectly hot oven with this type of flour gets you that scorching that is to be expected from great Neapolitan pizza.
ME: Ok, math boy, with your gluten percentages and burnt dough. You’re telling me that burnt pizza crust is good? This is starting to sound like the time where you convinced me that the wax wrapper on Danish cheese is where all the flavor is.
PIERRE: I still don’t think you gave that cheese wrapper a chance. You just have to chew it a little more.
ME: Chew it? Like that fish scale pie you made?
PIERRE: It’s a northern Finnish delicacy. Anyway, the crust at H.I. is thin with a slight thickness on the edge, the cornicione. This should be very subtle and not a rope on the end of the slice when you grab it.
ME: And not stuffed with nacho cheese I take it? How un-American!
PIERRE: As for the sauce: theirs is perfectly suitable. Good flavor, good texture and not overtly sweet. It is also applied proportionately, and doesn’t overwhelm. And their toppings are very nice: local produce, high quality cured meats from the likes of Fra’ Mani. For example they use local farm-fresh eggs from Capay for the poached egg on their Stella pizza.
ME: Yeah, that sounds great and all, but how does it stack up to the other newer pizza in the area?
PIERRE: Honestly, I think OneSpeed is way overrated and Masullo is a mess.
ME: You are high on something, aren’t you? Masullo is the best pizza I’ve had in three years, maybe four. I love that place.
PIERRE: Oh, and the other thing I love about Hot Italian is that they name the pizzas after Italian soccer players.
ME: Nevermind, anyone who likes soccer is not allowed to offer opinions on anything.
PIERRE: I still think Zelda’s is a piece of crap.
ME: Now I remember why we’re friends.

Here are the details:
Call the restaurant of your choice (Cosmo 446-9800, Esquire 448-8900, Spataro 440-8888), reserve a table, and give them the reservation code “I-Eat.”

Check here for the menus being offered. I’ve got my eye on the corn, cod, and cobbler at Esquire Grill, but don’t take my word for it. Wait, take my word for it, go for the triple C.

The real question is how sustainable are America’s original musical styles. Jazz and blues are slowly draining out of middle market towns like Sacramento. While the clubs and shows and performers in towns like Chicago and New York and San Francisco are still thriving, smaller market towns are losing any vestige of their former prominence.

The Jubilee is on life support, NCBF has been canceled, and fewer and fewer national acts come anywhere near our reasonably sized city. For example, when’s the last time Keith Jarrett swung through town? You see my point exactly, I’m sure.

I’m not sure what the answer is, but I know some progress has been made in keeping a few venues in town going 3-5 nights a week on nothing but jazz and blues: clubs like Torch Club, and JB’s lounge. But more work needs to be done, especially in thinning the ranks of blues bands around here. If I see another “authentic” blues group fronted by a couple of bearded 50ish white guys wearing shirts with flames on them, I might never listen to the blues again. Clean up your house, blues musicians, and kick these guys to the curb. They’re giving you a bad name.

Now, in previous years, we at the ‘Rag have been more that solicitous in our asking for your vote for us for ”Best Local Blog.” And we will be no less solicitous this year.  But, to start off the voting season, I thought I’d throw a few food and entertainment related ideas your way to prime the pump if you will. Feel free to follow your conscience when voting, as always, but if you’re stumped, these choices probably deserve it as much as anyone:

Best Comedy Club- Sacramento Comedy Spot

Best Bakery- Backer Back in Town & Country is turning out some of the best European breads in town, ditto for Grateful Bread on Fair Oaks Blvd

Best Barbecue- Anything but Texas West. I vote for Big Joe’s BBQ in Citrus Heights

Best Breakfast- I’m sure you can come up with your own, but I vote for Lido Cafe in Carmichael

Best Burger- The Squeeze Inn gets all the love, but Flaming Grill on El Camino puts out some ridiculously good stuff

Best Chef- Mulvaney and Selland and Mahan the press, but this year I’m voting for Adam Pechal, owner of Tuli Bistro

Best Desserts- Ginger Elizabeth Chocolates

Best French- No brainer here, Cafe Rolle

Best Local Steakhouse- Hands down, it’s got to be Buckhorn in Winters

Best New Restaurant- Magpie

Best Pizza- Masullo, if you haven’t tried it, you’re missing out on near culinary perfection

Best Restaurant- Tuli Bistro, yes I know the service can be slow on their patio, and you want to be cooler than thou by dissing it, but come on, the food is fantastic and the they play great music on the hi-fi