Boring food calls for wacky PR stunts, like child shrinking

I am, however, highly amused by the PR 101 tactics being employed to attract attention. Bands of Sacramento, are you ready for the big time? Are you ready to ROCK SMASHBURGER? (The caps indicate that you are supposed to mentally read that phrase in your most rocking DJ voice. I choose to hear Shadoe Stevens in my head at his most Fred Rated extreme.)

As if playing the opening of a fast food restaurant isn’t enough, Smashburger found a way to make this deal even more delicious. Do you want to (cue Shadoe) PLAY FOR FREE? That’s right, you can live up to your punk rock ethos and play for nothing but burgers. Since the website won’t even tell you how many burgers you will win, I am guessing that it ain’t too many. Winners will be decided by popular vote, which completely ignores the specific contest instructions that the bands be BURGER LOVING. If picked as a celebrity judge, I would use a three-part matrix to evaluate the musicians:

5 points Musicianship
5 points Condiment Implementation
5 points Hamburger Puns

Recommended tunes include Beast of Burger, The Meat is On, Whole Lotta Lunch, Slip Slider Away, Pour Some Ketchup on Me, Here Comes the Bun, and anything by The Bacon Brothers, G Love and Special Sauce, or The Fat Boys.

No reports of douchebaggery at Sacramento Beer Week

Independent of the great beer, food and fun, do you know what my favorite part has been?

No douchebags.

I have watched the douchebag trend grow at beer events over the past few years. They can be spotted waiting in line for an event holding an 18 pack of inexpensive ice beer, giving them the biggest buzz for the buck. By the time doors are opened, they have already drunk at least dozen beers and are ready to have unlimited craft beer for free. While at the event, they appear to experience fluctuations in their testosterone levels, resulting in communicating at unusually high volumes, mood swings, and occasional episodes of self-hypnosis. They often smell of gastro-intestinal distress, mistaking their aroma for an attractive musk. They often misplace their shirts.

Thankfully, Sacramento Beer Week seems to have slipped under their radar. The week is now half empty (or is it half full? Deep thoughts to consider over a beer with your friends.) and I look forward to hopefully enjoying the rest of the week in a douchebag-free environment.

On Saturday, February 20, 2010 at 10 am, the Old City Cemetery Committee will conduct a tour of brewer’s buried at the Sacramento Historic City Cemetery. This tour will serve as a “lead in” to Sacramento Beer Week and the Sacramento County Historical Society’s publication of Sacramento’s Breweries. The tour highlight will be pioneers who were associated with the Buffalo Brewery, but many other brewers will also be featured including Louis Keseberg, survivor of the Donner Party.

The tour commences at the Cemetery’s main gate at Broadway and 10th Street. Visitors may park across the street from the 10th Street Gate and meet at the cemetery entrance. Held under the auspices of the City of Sacramento Division of History & Science, the Old City Cemetery Committee, Inc. presents this tour as a public service. The tour is free, though donations for the restoration of the cemetery are greatly needed and appreciated.

For further information, call (916) 538-1849.

On Sunday, the Folsom Brewmeister hosts a day of brewing demonstrations.

Starting at 10 am, watch the Brewmeister’s resident BJCP Grand Master Kevin Pratt brew 10 gallons of California Common lager on their all-grain, homebrew system. The Gold Country Brewer’s Association will also join in with their B.O.A.T. (Brewery On A Trailer, a 45 gallon mobile brewery), brewing several other styles of beer.

This demo is free and will be highly informal and interactive for anyone curious about brewing. The brewing process will take about 5 hours, feel free to come and go as the day progresses. There will also be fresh wort for sale for those who want to try their hand at home fermentation.

SBW representatives will also be selling tickets to Sacramento Beer Week’s Inaugural Gala at the Colonial Theater on Monday.

Refreshments and BBQ will be available, and the Brewmeister is steps away from Folsom’s historic Sutter Street with pubs including Samuel Horne’s Tavern, The Cellar, Wine Styles, and Yager’s 727. Come meet some of the people central to Sacramento Beer Week’s success and gear up for SBW’s inaugural celebration.

Cheers to 20 great years of Sudwerk

The official release party, and the kickoff party for their year-long anniversary celebration, is this Thursday at The Davis Graduate. For those who only remember the Grad for the big burger and the bigger TV, it behooves you to know that they have one of the largest selections of craft beer in the Sacramento area with an emphasis on California craft beers.

The Grad will pour the Dunkel Weiss Bock, Hefeweizen and Dopplebock starting at 6:00pm, with a free Sudwerk pint glass to the first 72 patrons . See you there?

Westboro Baptist Church - intelligent and fierce!

This Friday they are coming for you.

You, sinners of Sacramento, you are all doomed for the following egregious sins, as condensed from their ranting travel schedule. I must admit, I am impressed that they are able to address such a wide variety of concerns on their tour of Sacramento.

FRIDAY
1:10-1:40pm – Celebrate the downfall of California for worshiping false gods at the California State Capitol. Jesus will show the truth to your filthy, feces-crusted faces and you will drink from the cup of God’s wrath.
2:05 – 2:35pm – Inform the members of U.C. Davis Hillel that they are the evil perverted children of Satan. America is doomed, your children are doomed and attractive to the she-bear.
3:00 – 3:30pm – Educate the students of Rosemont High School on the identity of the Anti-Christ. Hint: He was born in Africa and has usurped America with his forked tongue and magic ways. God has doomed America and we called it, ha!
3:15 – 3:45pm – Warn the students of McClatchy High School of Satan’s sin peddlers in their public schools who have fallen under the spell of gaysmut kingpin Kevin Jennings. He and his pimp Obama will sodomize you.
4:00 – 4:30pm – Expose the Jewish Federation of Sacramento for the Christ killing Confederation of Satanists they truly are! You deny the Lord and His prophets in the face of blood, fire and the vapor of smoke. Repent and you can hang out in heaven with us after the rapture.
4:45 – 5:15pm – Mock the Beth Yeshua Messianic Congregation for being confused and disguising themselves as Christians to infiltrate the Lord’s community. God will smite the Earth with a curse for allowing stupid, evil hypocritical Jews to live. From what I gather, this is a Congregation of Jews who have accepted Jesus as the fulfillment of the prophesies that the Son of God will return. I thought that’s what the protesters wanted, what’s the deal?
5:30 – 6:00pm – Alert the students of Chabad Hebrew School that California’s earthquakes are the result of God’s fierce anger and that they are to blame for living in the same town that hosts the “Folsom S&M Street Fair” (I think they are confusing the City of Folsom and their street fairs with San Francisco’s “Folsom Street Fair“). God will kick your dirty butts into Folsom Lake. Obama is coming for you and you are doomed.
7:15 – 8:00pm – Tell Sacramento Community Theater that Rent sucks. Theater is for uptight whitebread rich fools and imagination only leads to dishonoring your body with lusts. You are liars, Obama will take everything from you, forcing you to eat your own babies. You are filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness, you are full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, and malignity. You are whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, spiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, without understanding, covenant breakers, without natural affection, implacable, and unmerciful.

FRIDAY
8:30 – 9:00AM – Disturb Sabbath at Congregation B’Nai Israel for being faithless Jews and for acting Satanic (wait, I thought Jews were Satanic). You are faithless, naughty, nasty and rotting figs left on the tree as fodder for Obama’s reaper.
8:30 – 9:00AM – Degrade the celebrants at Kenneset Israel Torah Center for misinterpreting the Torah, like James, and if they were not stupid, they would see that the Torah contains the messages that Obama is the Anti-Christ, and Obama hates you.
9:30 – 10:00AM – Accuse the Chabad of Davis of being rebellious lying money worshipers. You will be destroyed by Obama and his army like the horribly, filthy, rancid, bad figs that you are. Judgment will come and everyman will sit under his fig vine and the good figs will come to their inheritance.

Edit: Holy crap on a cracker, they have songs, such as “50 Ways to Eat Your Baby” “Hey Jews” and “Come Together, Good Figs”.

Bonn Lair
16th Anniversary
Saturday, January 30th
3651 J Street

Of course, Sacramento’s levee system is highlighted. My favorite part is their computer simulation of a levee breach in Natomas, which consists of a picture of water superimposed over a picture of Arco Arena. Woo, high tech!

Of course, the state of our levees is no laughing matter. More than four years after the lessons Hurricane Katrina, Sacramento still faces the highest flood risk of any American city. I think that the average Sacramentan is not up-in-arms about this as most of us cannot fathom (ha!) the idea that Natomas and/or the Meadowview/Pocket area can be completely, 100% destroyed, yet this risk is very, very real. If we cannot handle a homeless population of 2,500 people, what are we going to do when another 70,000 Natomas residents or 30,000 Meadowview residents are displaced by a flood that is completely preventable?

Sacramento Beer Week will not only feature Sacramento’s fantastic local breweries, but will present domestic and international breweries in beer tastings, beer dinners and more. What beer or brewery do you hope to see featured during Sacramento Beer Week?

Those chickens were mighty tasty

Thankfully, I had forgotten most of that night until today, when I saw an ad for a hootenanny at Luna’s tonight. Sure enough, it was those two fine smelling gentlemen grinning out from the photo, bringing back terrible memories of undercooked poultry and a two week battle with the hobo flu. The only good recollection I have of that night is the toe tapping tunes and sharp wit of the Freebadge Serenaders that had me holding my belly with laughter and indigestion.

Keith Lowell Jensen’s Wednesday Night Comedy
at
Luna’s Cafe and Juice Bar (1414 16th Street)
8pm, $5

This Tuesday, The Shack will offer a dozen different holiday beers, mostly Belgians with a few Americans. Chef Sleppy (that’s Gary) will have a buffet spread of food (bigger than appetizers, smaller than a meal) to accompany the beverages, and patrons will also get to take home a Belgian beer glass, all for $25. If you have not been to The Shack in the four years since the Sleppys have owned it, you are missing out on one of the best American pubs in the area, with handmade food and impeccable selection of beer and wine. I am expecting that the evening will be topped with Gary’s homemade truffles.

Check out the list of the delicious beers they expect to serve. A few others will be added before Tuesday. RSVPs are strongly encouraged.

N’Ice Chouffe – Brasserie d’Achouffe
Delirium Noël – Brouwerij Huyghe
St. Feuillien Cuvée De Noël (vintage 2007)- Brasserie St. Feuillien
Bush De Noël (aka Scaldis Noel) – Brasserie Dubuisson Frères sprl
Doppel Bock – Sudwerk Privatbrauerei Hübsch
Our Special Ale 2009- Anchor Brewing
Celebration – Sierra Nevada Brewing Company
Biere de Noel – Big Sky Brewing Company

The Shack
5201 Folsom
(916) 457-5997

The three accompanying acts are equally stellar MCs: Gift of Gab from Blackalicious, Mr Lif and Lyrics Born. Mr Lif just released I Heard it Today which is even more politically hardcore and confrontational than his usual work. Gift of Gab and Lyrics Born both have local roots through UC Davis and their early work with the Quannum MCs. They have deep fan bases in Sacramento, so get to the show early if you are buying tickets at the door. Tickets can also be bought online or at The Beat.

New ports at Revolution Wines

The release of St. Rey Port also signifies the launch of Revolution’s new port program. Winemaker Craig Haarmeyer will continue to make porto that is Iberian influenced and locally sourced. Vintages will also held back for aging and blending with future vintages.

The 2008 St. Rey Ruby is a traditional, handmade Ruby Port made from 6 Portuguese varietals: Tinta Cão, Tinta Roriz (also known as Tempranillo), Touriga Francesa, Touriga Nacional, Souzão and Alvarelhão. It is a Single Quinta, meaning all fruit is from one vineyard, owned by Ron Silva. His ranch lies within the Alta Mesa AVA, one of six located entirely within the Lodi AVA. Everything about this port is crafted by people who are proud of this product and its Portuguese heritage, from the hand-nurtured grapes to the round-the-clock manual punching of the thick cap of wineskins. The labor shines through in the complex and deeply rich berry flavor with accents of fig and cigarbox smoke. 500ml and 750ml bottles- $20/$30

The Samuel Joseph Old Vine Zinfandel Port is a California port with grapes sourced from the Shenandoah specifically for this wine. It is dryer than other zin ports with a restrained sweetness, layers of bright blackberry and cherry, and a peppery spiced finish. Either is a perfect accompaniment to an after-dinner cordial, opening gifts by the fire, or any number of holiday pies, puddings and tarts. 350 ml -$14

MM hasn’t posted the issue to their website, so you’ll have to keep an eye out for printed material distributed for free throughout Sacramento. The Bee also did a brief interview with Billie Jean and her husband Sam.

Their November festivities culminate this Sunday from 1-6pm with DJ Larry Rodriguez and plenty of celebratory food and drink specials.

Old Ironsides
1901 10th Street

Brackets for the Men’s College Cup will be announced on Monday, let’s hope that the Hornets get an invitation!

Anyway, you may smell the gas smell enveloping Sacramento. I pray that this is not a 2012 sneak preview, as I am not ready to meet my maker. Pray for me, Sacramento, pray for me.

If you call PG&E, they already have a recording posted for callers. They are having many reports of gas odors, and this is due to “over-odorized gas” which is expected to dissipate by Friday.

Here is the question:

Over-odorized gas seems to imply that I am smelling the same gas that is always leaking, but I am simply noticing it because it is stinkier than usual. If I am only smelling the same gas as I am used to inhaling, but it has more of an odor, what does this mean? Should I be worried about normally occurring gas leaks that are simply stinkier than usual?

Are there any short-term or long-term public health risks exist from gas leaks? Or should I just drift off into ignorance and just continue to drink The Abyss from the Deschutes Brewing Company?

This is nothing more than a mark-your-calendar kind of advisory, as this event is still in the early planning phase, but it would be interesting to hear from readers about what kind of events you would be interested in attending. Beer history? Brewing demonstrations? Food and beer parings? Beer sampling? Beer pong tournament? Pub crawl? Beer trivia contest?

If you are interested in hosting an event for Sacramento Beer Week, drop me a line at Stickie(at)sacrag(dot)com with your idea and I’ll pass along any serious inquiries.

Agent Ribbons is ready for a primetime bout

KXLU, the FM station of Loyola Marymount University in Los Angeles, is known worldwide as one of the gold standards of college radio. Their diverse programming and dedication to cutting edge music has resulted in thousands of bands over the years lining up at their doors, clamoring for access to the playlist. Demolisten, which has aired weekly since 1984, is one of the primary gatekeepers of the KXLU airwaves. DJs Fred and Octavius have the difficult job of performing triage on the music of the day and deciding which acts need immediate attention.

I hear our readers thinking, “Gee, I wonder if I have heard of any bands that broke to the big time because of being featured on Demolisten??” Let’s just name a few: The Red Hot Chili Peppers, Guns & Roses, and Beck. During the early days before they had careers, Kurt Cobain wore KXLU gear in photo shoots, Dave Lovering (of the Pixies) hoped that his band was good enough to get on the air, and Perry Farrell (of Jane’s Addiction) would listen to the station all day long.

So, yeah, this is a big deal that could mean something amazing for Natalie, Lauren and Naomi. Let’s wish them luck and tune in tonight at 6pm.

Update: The show runs from 6-8pm. Agent Ribbons is scheduled to appear at approximately 7pm.

Update2: You can watch the studio webcam at http://kxludemolisten.blogspot.com/ or stickam.

The hard work and keen ears of Sac State’s student run station KSSU was recognized with twelve nominations in major award categories. This year, KSSU defeated other stations that have paid professional staff, a larger audience and better funding with their tireless dedication to music and to our community. You should reward their efforts by tuning in and getting a taste of Sacramento’s only source for alternative radio.

2009 CMJ Awards for KSSU
Station of the Year
Music Director of the Year – Suzie Kuo
Biggest Community Resource
Best Use of Limited Resources
Best Student-Run Station

In addition to well-known standouts from Anchor, Speakeasy, Bear Republic, Firestone Walker, Lagunitas and Deschutes, make sure you sample some great beers that are rarely seen in the area. Sierra Nevada’s new Estate Harvest Ale is creating a huge buzz among beer lovers and is in limited supply. Russian River is best known for the legendary Pliny the Elder, but less appreciated is their stellar house IPA. Moonlight Brewing Bombay by Boat has been a Bay Area favorite for almost two decades but Sacramento native Brian Hunt generally limits his distribution to that section of California. Another Sacramento expatriate, Matt Sager, brewed the impressive Hopsaur for Great Basin. Iron Springs Casey Jones Imperial IPA will make you want to drive that train up to Fairfax to check out their small brewpub with an incredible beer menu.

Complete list of Hoptoberfest offerings after the jump.

Anchor – Liberty Ale
Lagunitas – IPA
Stone – IPA
Marin – IPA
Moylan’s – IPA
Firestone Walker – Union Jack, Double Jack
Russian River – IPA
Moonlight – Bombay by Boat
Full Sail – IPA
Dechutes – Mirror Pond
Mendocino Brewing Company – Imperial IPA
Triple Rock – Single Hop Experiment Amarillo
Great Basin Brewing Company – Hopsaur
Sierra Nevada – Celebration Ale, Estate Harvest Ale
Speakeasy – Big Daddy IPA
Bear Republic – Racer 5 IPA
Iron Springs – Casey Jones Imperial IPA
Auburn Ale House – Gold Digger IPA, Gold Digger Cask IPA
Lost Coast – Indica Pale Ale
Rubicon –IPA
Rubicon – Hop Sauce
Rubicon – Hop Sauce Cask

After the jump, I will provide a summary of all cuts to Sacramento area parks. If you are planning on visiting any State Park, make sure you research the location to insure that your visit is not adversely affected. And, please, remember that we all own these parks. With reduced services, it is more imperative than ever that we all be good scouts and clean up our own messes, pack out what we bring in and leave no trace of our visit behind.

California State Capitol Museum – Cut School Programs
Governor’s Mansion – Reduced Days, Close Some Restrooms
Leland Stanford Mansion – Reduced Days, Close Some Restrooms
Railtown 1897 – Reduced Days, Close Some Restrooms
State Indian Museum – Cut School Programs, Reduced Days, Close Some Restrooms
Sutter’s Fort – Reduced Days, Close Some Restrooms

Brannan Island – Reduced Days, Reduced Hours, Reduced Season, Campground Closure, Some Day Use Closure, Close Some Restrooms, Reduced Cleaning, Reduced Trash Service
Delta Meadows – Reduced Days, Reduced Hours, Reduced Season, Campground Closure, Some Day Use Closure, Close Some Restrooms, Reduced Cleaning, Reduce Trash Service, Reduced Lifeguards
Folsom Lake – Reduced Hours, Some Day Use Closure, Close Some Restrooms, Reduced Cleaning, Reduced Trash Service
Folsom Powerhouse – Reduced Hours, Some Day Use Closure, Close Some Restrooms, Reduced Cleaning, Reduced Trash Service
Franks Tract – Reduced Days, Reduced Hours, Reduced Season, Campground Closure, Some Day Use Closure, Close Some Restrooms, Reduced Cleaning, Reduced Trash Service
Marshall Gold Discovery – Reduced Days, Reduced Hours, Some Day Use Closure, Close Some Restrooms, Cut School Programs, Reduced Cleaning, Reduced Trash Service

Good luck to the former employees and please know that we will miss you.

Check their website for all the details, but some intriguing features include appearances by film legend Malcolm McDowell, the original Buffy the Vampire Slayer Kristy Swanson, and paranormal romance author and lycanthropy expert Eva Gordon. Awesome shopping opportunities are available from dozens of vendors, including costumes from Badger’s Den, one of the best suppliers of historical reenactment and fantasy supplies in the US, and Whimsic Alley, a recreation of numerous shops from the world of Harry Potter. Several contests have prizes, including a costume contest for both kids and adults, and patrons will have the opportunity to win $500 in cash. Steampunk culture will also be featured, including demonstrations of strange and fantastic gizmos.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL BEER!

This year, Sacramento has two winning breweries at GABF. Rubicon Brewing brought home the Silver Medal for their multi-award winning Winter Wheatwine in the Strong Beer category. Sacramento Brewing Company won the Bronze for their Collaborative Evil in the Belgian and French Style category. This is currently on tap sold out but coming back in the future at SacBrew and is delicious.

Collaborative Evil is an interesting story, regardless of the awards and the deliciousness. Todd Ashman, brewmaster at Truckee’s Fifty Fifty Brewing Company, had an idea to highlight the unique style that different brewers can bring to the same beer recipe. His plan was to have brewers make the same beer each with one unique aditional ingredient, and to compare the outcomes. Last year, he tried this idea with two other brewers and a Dark Belgian Ale recipe called Collaborative Evil. This year, he recruited eight other brewers to try the same experiment with a Belgian Strong Pale Ale. Again, each brewer had to make the same beer, but add one unique ingredient. Both SacBrew and Stockton’s Valley Brewing Company (which won the Gold Medal this year for their Old Inventory Barley Wine) were among the participating breweries, each with great results. SacBrew’s recipe featured an addition of oats, while Valley Brew added pomegranate honey in the second fermentation. I envy those who went to GABF this year, as they had the opportunity to sample all nine versions of this beer, but at least we Sacramentans have a second version less than an hour south of here. With an recently expanded beer menu from Brewmaster Steve Altimari, Valley Brew is also worth the trip for a little taste of Evil.

Michael Gene Sullivan performs a song from Too Big to Fail

This year, which is the 50th anniversary of the SFMT, they have written a wacky comedy about the economic crisis. Titled Too Big To Fail, the show concerns a goat herder and his struggles to build his small business enough to support his family, make his village proud and keep a home for his favorite goat named Bamusa. As he becomes a goat kingpin, he encounters bankers, lenders, mortgage brokers, Wall Street tycoons and ponzi-scheming scalawags. The story is presented in the style of the West African Griots, who have an famed oral storytelling tradition and are known for their talented traveling bards.

The Troupe has gained worldwide acclaim and numerous awards over their 50 years, including a Tony award for regional theater. Besides their obvious theatrical talents, they are regularly lauded for their topical political humor that seeks to empower their audience against political establishments acting in their self-interest at the expense of the average American. Bring a picnic and a camping chair and an optional cash donation and be prepared for thought provoking satire.

Too Big To Fail
Saturday – Community Park (East 14th/F), Davis
Sunday – Southside Park Bandshell (6th/T), Sacramento

Music begins at 6:30, Show begins at 7:00
Book by Michael Gene Sullivan and Ellen Callas
Music composed by Pat Moran

Director – Wilma Bonet
Musical Director – Pat Moran
Starring – Velina Brown, BW Gonzalez, Ed Holmes, Lisa Hori-Garcia, Adrian Mejia, and Michael Gene Sullivan