In these troubled times, expressing ourselves artistically is how we survive — the hope of a new sunrise (and perchance that Laurence Fishburne can deftly fill William Peterson’s shoes.) RunnerGirl thusly introduces The Sac Rag haiku competition. That’s right — with no authorization from our esteemed founders, I am going all rogue and am offering the grand prize of a genuine canvas bag from THE actual Mood Fabrics in New York City, as seen on Project Runway. You can only buy these at the Mood store.
Here are the rules:
1. Your entry must follow the traditional 5-7-5 syllable structure of haiku
2. It must address a current event
3. Entries must be received no later than noon on Friday, February 13.
Here is an example to get you started:
Obama, save us
Billions* and billions, like stars
We’re shovel-ready
*Assuming you pronounce it like “bill-yuns” and not “beel-ee-ons”
OK. GO!
About RunnerGirl
The secret to running 50K/50 mile/100K races = Run until it gets too hard, then walk until it gets too easy. Repeat. I can give you some good taping techniques to prevent blisters, too.
Likes: brains, wit, athletic prowess, thirst for knowledge, adventurous palate, kindness to animals, generosity of spirit, the Western States trail, Brooks running shoes, Streets of London Pub Quiz, David Sedaris, Arrested Development, Sherman Alexie, Malcolm Gladwell, Eddie Izzard, Gilmore Girls, House, Top Chef, Top Model, '80s mod/techno/industrial, California Golden Bears, Alfred Hitchcock, Will Shortz's puzzles, Armstrong & Getty, running ultra-marathons on the trails
Dislikes: Under Armour clothing worn as an everyday fashion choice, real fake-y looking French manicures, snobs, mayonnaise, the words "moist" and "delicious" (or any made-up variation of "delicious," especially "delish" -- thank Rachael Ray for ruining it for everyone), country music, running on pavement
“Obama, save us”
So fiction is allowed?
This is horrible
spend spend spend spend spend spend spend
What did/do we want?
The Show must go on
Comrade Obama said so
Congratulations
Digital TV
Are you on or are you off?
Let’s have a bailout
Olympic-sized bong
I want to know, did he try
to eat the medals?
Mortgage broker fraud
Confess and then fly away
More home owner woes.
More than one entry?
Is it allowed Runnergirl?
Do let me know please.
Octuplets are great
They really don’t need a father
Why stop at fourteen?
more than one entry
yes they are allowed, write on
right on, sacraggers
Don’t want a Mood bag?
You can sell it on eBay.
Fans pay top dollar.
Not quite current, but it works:
Out of the grey sky
A plane lands on the Hudson
No death — miracle?
Bipartisanship
Toss me a life preserver
I want to get off
Schwarzenegger, please
fix structural deficit
and redraw districts
Oh wait. I can’t win.
I came up with this contest.
Back to laundry night.
Stevie Wonder rocks
but singing with the JoBros
stabbed me in the heart
i had my hopes up
that the bailout might include
people who need it
Dark Knight snubbed for Best
Picture – cancel and give all
statues to WALL-E
State workers. Furloughs.
Now with ten percent less pay.
Two days off per month
Thank you RunnerGirl
“Haiku savant” going on
my resume now
Lemme try one – does
“Etc.” count as one
syllable or four?
Capitalism.
Birth, work, taxes, no food, death.
Cannibalism.
Stimulus Package
I wonder if it will work
Can put gun in mouth
Ride my bike to work-
Poor before bailouts, I’ll
be poor after too.
Chris Brown punched his girl.
He will still sing in prison,
Because he dropped soap.
A-Rod says he juiced.
To help him hit the long ball.
Strike three man. You’re out.
Shovel ready projects sit
Legislators inaction
Hope and change? Hope not
A-Rod took the juice
Madonna took the A-Rod
The Juice still in can
Sarah P.A.C.
for Palin two thousand twelve
Please say it ain’t so!
Latest fraud voter
under investigation?
The witch, Ann Coulter
visions of hope, change
a raw new deal coming soon
just more working poor
Negativity.
Please friends, find your own good news.
Hug your wife and kids.
Evening in Sac.
Board Games, Stories, Laughter, Smiles.
Life is what you see.
The laid-off diet
Doesn’t pay attention to
Expiration dates.
Sick at home today.
Stomach bug going around.
How long does it last?
Fever, chills, cramping.
Not really a stomach bug.
Intestines quiver.
Diarrhea. Hurts
so good, I don’t understand.
Oh no, not again!
Yippee! At long last,
the anti-Park Irish Pub!
GASP! New bar … same tools.
A-Rod is A-Roid?
Miley’s boob? Rihannas face?
Um, Is this thing on?!
The unions complain
We shouldn’t make any cuts!
Get with the program
Stepping off the porch
feel a curious softness
under my feet: poop.
it is a current event… just because it’s not on TMZ
Slam! Bam! Pow! Schmack! Whack!
Chris Brown, the new Ike Turner
Cyclical We Are.
Cyclists riding
Marion, A-Rod, soon Lance
Livestrong? No. Livewrong.
Now he’s in office
Where’s the magic you spoke of?
Not in his office
toxic depot land
fifty-five million dollars?
sounds like a bargain!
runnergirl who won!
(please don’t Minnesota me)
no recount needed
Thanks to all who played along — this was either going to be a total hit or complete dud, and I’m grateful to your creative talent that it was the former.
And the winner is…
ROGER!
Sac-eats, our gorgeous cat, and I collectively decided that this one best captured the overall spirit of the competition:
Olympic-sized bong
I want to know, did he try
to eat the medals?
To collect your prize, drop me an e-mail to runnergirl1971@gmail.com, and we’ll arrange for either sac-eats or me to get you your fabulous Mood bag. If you’re not a Project Runway fan, you can sell it on eBay or give it to someone who is, or just let me know to hang onto it for the next competition (whatever it may be).
Congratulations!