French authorities in Bordeaux are now confirming that the death of John McCrea of the band Cake was no accident, but a gang-style slaying over disputed pastry turf.

Earlier today, the SacRag broke the story of McCrea’s death and the injury of fellow band member Vince DiFiore. We have received word that the French have classified this crime as a murder and are still in search of the suspect. DiFiore has been reported in stable condition but has undergone surgery to remove a vibraslap from his chest that impaled him with monster truck force. Other band members were not injured in the incident, although guitarist Xan McCurdy reports that shortly after the accident, some underage girls stole his beer.

A police sketch of the suspect (pictured above) has been leaked exclusively to the SacRag. French authorities have not gone public with this investigation as they do not want to panic the extensive and influential pastry industry that rules organized crime syndicates throughout the country. Police report to be using bloodhounds to track his distinctive and delicious scent.

from News10 story

Parents down in Elk Grove must be so relieved that nothing tragic happened this week when a fourth-grader brought a loaded gun to Charles Mack Elementary School. Some parents in particular, like the parents of Devon and Donovan Smith (pictured at right) who apparently “held bullets” for the kid with the gun.

“They were wrong for not telling anybody” the boys’ mother, Tabatha Weitnauer, says, before going ahead and bringing up that the boys have been diagnosed with ADHD. Perhaps they were also wrong for carrying ammunition to their elementary school. Not to be outdone, the father of the boy who brought the gun released a zinger of a written statement…

Continue reading “What, me feel responsible?” »

“GOB, please report to the security desk.”

Bob Shallit reports in today’s business section of The Bee that the Arden Fair Mall security team members are now using Segway (nee “Ginger”) scooters to monitor the goings-on, both inside and outside of the mall.  If only they had these back in ‘06.

No word yet on if each scooter will play a continuous loop of this Segway anthem.

Cbs13.com reports that people looking for sex is a growing problem in Citrus Heights. These “cruisers” are targeting local parks, ducking into bathrooms and bushes to get their shwerve on.

It’s not just the restrooms. Citrus Heights Lieutenant Jeff MacKanin says that people will use the bushes to perform sexual acts, raising concerns not only because families use the park, but also for the spread of disease. “We can teach citizens to be our eyes for us,” says Lt. MacKanin. “We can teach them to log information, [especially] citizens who work well with police.”

Log information? Oh, this can’t miss. I can see it now…”Male suspect places female suspect on top of stainless steel toilet…female suspect asks male suspect to place an “ass gasket” down first to prevent the spread of disease…male suspect searches for said protective device…“

From News10.net:

A Roseville 12-year-old can consider himself lucky — he’ll only face DUI and hit-and-run charges for his alleged drunken driving spree last weekend that had Rocklin Police relieved things didn’t end much worse…The boy allegedly showed signs of being drunk and was arrested for driving under the influence of alcohol, hit and run and driving without a driver’s license.

Two notes of interest, however (well, other than a drunk 12 year old driving a car on public streets of course)…

Continue reading “At least he didn’t drive into a house” »

I wrote a year ago about the new Shins album and their Sacramento connection — Omnibus records and current Mt. St. Mtn. co-founder Mark Kaiser. Well, that’s probably their coolest Sacramento connection, but as of this weekend it is definitely not their most domestic-abusingest connection. Continue reading “Another Shins Sacramento connection” »

CBS news is reporting on a sting operation being conducted in Rancho Cordova. Drivers are being pulled over, cited for good driving, and issued $5 gift cards for Starbucks. Keep an eye out for cops, put your hands at 10 and 2, and maybe you’ll get lucky!

We are lucky, here in Sacto, to have a wealth of gifted musicians able and willing to share their talents with us.  We are unlucky, here in Sacto, to have a glut of lowlife nogoodnicks who can’t keep their dirty mitts off of other people’s stuff.   Unfortunately, these two groups too often come into contact.  Such was the case last night when local bass and fiddle player Patrick “Junior” Skiffington had his ride stolen from in front of his downtown (4th & T) abode.

So, I ask you, the good people of Sacramento, to be on the lookout for a 1983 Oldsmobile Omega (nothing but the best in early 80’s sedanage), puce with brown interior, license # 5ZAF758.  If you see said auto, call the local authorities and report.   Thank you, good citizens.

The Bee reported today that the city will start awarding $500 to citizens who send in photographic evidence of illegal garbage dumping. It is a severe problem in neighborhoods like Oak Park, and one hopes the city’s plan will work. The guilty parties will be fined $500.

For some reason that $500 correlation* is humorous to me. Continue reading “City wants you to photograph dumpers” »

Sorry for the downer post on your Monday morning, but I think we need to talk about how the most despiccable crime ever happened over the weekend. It is now being reported on by Fox News, so we’re going to be in the national news for the wrong reasons yet again. I think I speak for many when I say I hope anybody who could assist the sheriff in finding these monsters will speak up.

My heart goes out to the family of Sean and his baby, and also to the detectives who are investigating this, who must be in hell right now. The witnesses, who were apparently the victims of a home invasion robbery, are reportedly coming off as sketchy and that is disturbing.