As I was perusing Craigslist for some concrete work that I need done on my house (please let me know if you’ve got a guy that knows a guy), I came across this delightful advertisement.Â Despite reading it 5 times, I still have no idea what it’s for.Â Word for word, here it is:
Females Looking for Yard/Irrigation Repairs For You: – $75 (Sacramento/Placer So Co)
Reply to: firstname.lastname@example.org
Date: 2008-05-09, 3:27PM PDT
You have tried meny Contractors Refuse to come to Your Small Yards:
Small leaks one Sprinkler Head,Pipes,need Low-Voltage Lights for your Walkway,
Bark Yard Spa, Pool,Check-Out that Time Clock,Pruning Shrubs Over Grown weeds
Clean-up new Bark,Rock Redo. Then haul to Dump max 1-Load. House,Duplexs,Rental or Own it.
Just like to Really Barter Your Services as a Lic. [CMT] Massage Tec for
this trained person Labor hour for hour work Back Massage,Deep Pressure,Tissue,Rock,Swedish Rock Style Therapeutic or Total[FSBM] Yes:
Sorry materials non-negotable and cost of dump fees or excess Materials
Bark,Sod,Rock work or any possible 2,000 sq.Ft hydroseeding work:
Not interested in any Equal Value Trading for P/C work,Add promotion work,T-shirts,hats etc. Only-Females Barters for [CMT] Massage Work performed with-in
24-48 hrs after Labor work performed for You in Landscape,Irrigation Repairs:
***No Visa or M/C accepted for any other work performed only cash or checks
Work that exceed upto $300.00-$2,500.00 value: Call Monday-Saturday 7:30 A.M.
-6:00 P.M. Daily for Serious Callers at  402-5783: Yes I do make Special
appointments as needed for estimates on Sundays Only: All estimates are Written in clear English for all Barter work also. 11 Years in Greater Sacramento County Area: If line Busy you can either email or call Direct Voicemail  553-9806: Leave messages with name,phone no. for quick return calls: Note; emails please add your address with your return phone No.
As best as I can figure it, I can either: 1) Get a massage in exchange for landscaping; 2) Get landscaping in exchange for a massage; or 3) Get sprinklers repaired, a retaining wall built, and a hot-rock massage all by the same company.
Note delicious irony that “All Estimates are Written in clear English.”
Any other interpretations out there?
This is The Sac Rag’s 1500th post. –CoolDMZ