Showing your Arbuckle

With the overwhelmingly lukewarm response to previous editions of Make Us Laugh, I thought it would be fun to throw this one out there. Comment with your witty snark and we’ll let you know who made us laugh.

Man Arrested for Exposing Himself Every Wednesday

An Arbuckle man has been arrested for allegedly exposing and fondling himself in public every Wednesday for at least the last several weeks, according to the Colusa County Sheriff’s Department…They say he’d stand at a window inside his home and exposed and fondle himself. The undercover officer arrested Sweet after witnessing his alleged crimes.

Shocker, I know, there’s a typo in the article.

KXJZ gets real on “Tent City”

From a piece on Wednesday by Cap Radio, it turns out that the tent city is not a creation of a down economy:

“I’ve heard anywhere from 100 to 1200, and I’ve heard anything from 100 new tents a night to 50 new people a week.” 
 
Uh, no, says Zoulas.  He thinks there’s probably between a hundred and 130 people here at any given time.  And Zoulas says he doesn’t know of a single one of them here because of the down economy.

Whatcha doin’, Mr. Munson?

Ah, humor. You remember humor, right? Laughing, chuckling, ROTFL’ing (for the kids). We could all use a little does of low brow levity, right?

The Sacto 9-1-1 brings us the following onion-esque jewel

A dispute over bowling etiquette grew into a fight, an alleged assault with a bowling ball that knocked out one man’s tooth and an arrest in Rocklin early this morning…The alleged assault occurred about 12:40 a.m. at the Rocklin AMF Lanes at 2325 Sierra Meadows Drive when two groups of bowlers got into a fist fight, Rocklin police Sgt. Terry Jewell stated in a news release…Two bowlers had approached the lane at the same time, and their dispute over who had right of way grew into a brawl involving six people, Jewell said.

The photo of the alleged assailant is a little too onioney. Are we being had?

SN&R: Josh Pane backing ballot measure to stop mermaid bar

The News & Review’s Cosmo Garvin reports that former City Councilman Josh Pane is “mounting a campaign stop the mermaid bar on K Street” and several other businesses being funded by a recent city council subsidy.

The $6 million subsidy came from a special fund set aside to support redevelopment projects by local developer David Taylor.

That just doesn’t sound right, does it? But I know that government cheese has always been around, and that there are probably businesses up and running today on the grid who wouldn’t be here if not for government cheese. Likewise I’m sure that my knee-jerk reaction against this particular subsidy would set me up as a hypocrite if the council were to subsidize a midtown Barnes & Noble, or a 65th St. Target. (Send your angry anti-corporate e-mails to: cooldmz-at-sacrag.com)

Also: the over-30 dance club would be called “Frisky Rhythm”? Gag me with a spoon…

Sac City USD ‘Tour of Excellence’ on Friday

Attention Sac City Unified parents: the district will be holding a “Tour of Excellence” of district schools this Friday. This will be a good opportunity to tour any schools you’re considering for open enrollment; especially since you’ll have an extra week to wait on finding out if your kid will be getting in. Here is what the Open Enrollment page says about the timing of open enrollment acceptance and school registration:

Acceptance notifications will be mailed home (tentatively) by March 13, 2009. Upon notification, parents are required to complete student registration at the school of choice between Monday, March 16, 2009, and Friday, April 17, 2009.

Love that the District gets “tentatively” for their part but the parents have a hard date. As it turns out, the acceptance notifications probably won’t be mailed out until next week, according to the Open Enrollment office. So their “tentativeness” could cut into parents’ requirement by two full weeks.

More from the non-news

Green, money that is.
Green, money that is.

As CoolDMZ mentioned earlier this week, the non-news (or half-news?) is becoming more and more noticeable.

Take this article from cbs13.com, for example. The headline reads “Trade In Lawn Mower And Save Some Green” which implies that there is a lawn mower trade in opportunity where one can save some money a.k.a. “green” which is good news for anyone.

How would like you like to help the environment and save some green, money that is, at the same time?

I would like me like!

You can trade in your old, polluting, gasoline-powered mower and purchase a new, cordless electric mower.

Cool. Now for the green saving part and I am all set.

Continue reading “More from the non-news”

Dear, Where’s the Best Beer?

On this St. Patty’s day, it seems a logical time to roll out a few choices when you really, really want to get your beer on.  While none of these places are your traditional choices for a pint of Guinness and corned beef and cabbage, they’re rather perfect choices for brewed goodness the other 364 days a year.

Manderes– From the Gulf of Mexico to the Sprout of Brussels, Manderes has scoured the Earth for the best beers on the planet.  With the motto of “no crap on tap,” the small, two-year-old beer bar and restaurant in Folsom has excelled at marrying unique brews and delicious food. And with twenty beers on tap and almost 100 in the bottle, there’s something for just about every taste. Hungry? Try the short ribs, shellacked with a generous Russian imperial stout glaze, and pair it with a pint of Bear Republic’s Hop Rod Rye.

Burgers and Brew– The menu might be a bit limited, and the tap might not be all that impressive, but the arm-long list of beers in the bottle (mostly Belgian) is enough to keep the ardent hop-head coming back regularly. Don’t stray too far from the titular menu items of beer and burger however, or you’re likely to be disappointed.

The Shack– With an impressively eclectic tap that ranges from PBR to Belgian ales, and a bottle list that spans the globe featuring some of the best beers anywhere, The Shack has positioned itself as an incredible hangout for the brew connoisseur.  The new menu features bistro favorites like moules fritte and game hen for criminally low prices. It’s a win-win situation. Continue reading “Dear, Where’s the Best Beer?”

KCRA, where the non-news comes first

KCRA reported over the weekend that the economic downturn has hurt River Cats ticket sales. “It’s considerably decreased” says Chad Collins, Director of Ticket Sales. “I hope this isn’t an indication of what the rest of the season is going to be,” says Group Events Executive Marie Maita.

Think again. Those quotes are in the story, but they’re actually just courtesy of local residents waiting in line to buy tickets, “reporting” on their memory of what the line was like last year. Seriously. Continue reading “KCRA, where the non-news comes first”