Where to begin, where to begin. News10.net “reports” that gunmen robbed moviegoers at the Century Theaters at Ethan Way and Arden Way early this morning.

They were talking all kinds of crap, and pretty much robbed us and took our money and scared the living daylights out of everybody.

The following is a game I like to play called “Choose your own snark” which is “pretty much” self explanatory…here goes:

Pretty much robbed? You mean like how the Century Theater “pretty much robbed” you of $6.50 to see another Reese Witherspoon movie?

Pretty much robbed? Like the way the local job market “pretty much robbed” you of the opportunity to work on a weekday morning rather than go see a movie?

Turns out the robbers fled in a vehicle, but none of the victims got a good look at it or the direction in which it turned once it left the parking lot which is totally understandable considering where this theater is.

They are most likely just looping back around to the front of CompUSA by now cursing themselves wondering why they didn’t just rob the theater off Greenback.

UPDATE: Leave it to News10.net to leave out important facts about this crime. Over at KCRA.com I learned that the crime “…happened about 12:45 a.m. as the last showing was letting out…” which makes more sense than an early morning crime (I’ve always considered midnight to 4am as “late last night” and 4:01am to 7:00am as “early this morning” but that’s just me).