Trouble Finds Smith…Again

Here at the Rag we try to take the road less travelled. Find those topics and observations that aren’t widely reported. However, from time to time we run into a story that demands commentary…or perhaps I just want to write about an article that contains the words “Whizzinator” and “Foolproof” in the same sentence. When I read this article about former Grant High star, Onterrio Smith, I just had to laugh out loud (which reminds me, can I use “lol” outside of an instant message?).

A few of my thoughts:

  • “Smith, 24, was also carrying a device called ‘The Original Whizzinator,’ which includes a fake penis, bladder and athletic supporter marketed by manufacturers as an “undetectable” and “foolproof” urinating device.” – I guess they need to rethink that “undetectable” part, huh?
  • “Smith, who also admitted to the Whizzinator’s presence in his luggage, said he was taking the materials to his cousin.” – Oh, so this isn’t YOUR fake penis? Carry on then
  • “Smith’s attorney, David Cornwell, issued a statement saying the kit was given to Smith, who put it in his bag and forgot about it.” – This is from his “attorney” mind you. Not an off the cuff comment made in haste. So let me get this straight, you forgot about the fake penis in your bag that you were taking to your brother to help him pass a drug test which you yourself have failed several times in the past?

Just think about how bad things have gotten. People are willing to strap on fake sex organs and dispense imitation urine in front of another human being rather than stop doing drugs. I say we bring back shame into our criminal justice system. You wanna wear that bad boy, Onterrio? Very well then, let’s strap it on and make a stop at grandma or auntie’s house then go visit the boys down at the local Y and get in on a pickup game.

Author: RonTopofIt

RonTopofIt is a complex personality, as are most of the small breed of modern day renaissance millionaires. He wishes more people were like him and yet believes that it takes all kinds. You've met RonTopofIt many times, you just don't remember him.

One thought on “Trouble Finds Smith…Again”

  1. Funny you should mention that item. The Whizzinator has been around for several years. Drug users trying to beat tests can buy dehydrated urine as well as an item called “The Butt Wedge” which is suitable for women as well.
    One other d’oh drug test story I want to mention is a trade story. Since I work in the Drug Testing industry, I was attending a conference where they were discussing saliva testing. See, they swab the mouth for controlled substances. One young man, when he found out he was going to be tested, ran out of the site, grabbed a bottle of bleach, and… gargled with it. Now he has more problems than failing a drug test–

    –Sacramento Drug Testing Maven

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