Finger Clickin’ Good

After working all weekend excavating about 10 tons of dirt and clay from my East Sac home, I kicked back with a bucket of chicken from our local KFC:
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This fact gives me my Sacramento tie-in to a delightful story that I just had to share with the rest of the ‘Raggers:

Those of you who have gmail know of the targeted ads posted on the sides of your inbox that “correspond” to the subject of your emails. After writing to one of my Nintendo contacts requesting some information, I noticed a target ad that stated “Like Super Mario Bros.? You’ll love this” with a hyperlink to a flash-based game for the PTEA-sponsored site Kentucky Fried Cruelty, adorably titled “Super Chick Sisters.”

From a quick perusal of Kentucky Fried Cruelty, it looks to be a celebrity-promoted, anti-delicious fried chicken, website spearheaded by the great philanthropist/philosopher Pamela Anderson. Thankfully Pammie also brought her think-tank of great minds to support her cause, including: Pink, Ryan Gosling, and Rev. Al Sharpton. Worthy of note is that the Dalai Lama is also one of those in Pam’s entourage who does not dig on the Colonel, which stunned me because I didn’t even realize that they had KFC’s in Dharamsala, India- go figure.

At any rate, “Super Chick Sisters” knows that video games are no longer about getting from point A to point B; no-the designers of “Super Chick Sisters” realize the importance of a strong narrative in our current generation of gaming. So, in following the tradition of “Bioshock,” “Deus Ex,” and even the recent “Grand Theft Auto IV,” “Chick Sisters” tells the following take upon startup:

“Colonel Sanders and his minions have kidnapped Pamela Anderson for revealing to the world that KFC’s Secret recipe is cruelty to chickens! Help the Super Chick Sisters save Pam before it’s too late!”

If that ain’t compelling, I don’t know what is.

Ironically, one of the Chick Sisters is named “Nugget” which, unquestionably, is one of the most delicious parts of a chicken. Apparently if you complete the game, you have the option of playing as Pam Anderson- but if you’ve ever played “Tomb Raider” you’ve pretty much had that opportunity since 1996.

But if you thought this was going to be just the run-of-the-mill flash-based platformer in the same vein as “Super Mario Bros.” you’re dead wrong. Special guest copyright-infringing appearances are made by Toad and the Brothers themselves, Mario and Luigi- who, due to excessive Wii playing, have hurt their arms that they are unable to embark on the adventure, leaving only the Chick Sisters- dressed in red and green caps- to finish the job.

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I don’t really understand why a cardboard basket, clearly intended for holding fried parts of a chicken, is used as the power-up mushroom to turn the normal Chick Sisters into the “Super Chick Sisters,” if PETA is going to go far enough to steal the likenesses of the Nintendo characters and the question-mark blocks, why not just go the whole nine yards and swipe the Super Mushroom too? It’s PETA, so I don’t think eating mushrooms goes against their philosophy- then again, those mushrooms DO have faces, and I’ve heard that eating anything with a face is in square opposition to the precepts of PETA. Maybe this is just the type of detail that makes “SCS” designers geniuses, and me a simpleton.

Additionally, from a design standpoint- though the Colonel-Spiders (that’s what I call them) may be a little derivative, the bucket of blood is just plain genius. It strikes that “Silent Hill” creepiness- familiar, but chillingly evil.

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I could only make it into the KFC before things, like my own sense of ridiculousness, made me stop. But you don’t have to- hit up the banner below for some good ol’ education- courtesy of Professor Pamela.

Unfortunately, it only made me more excited for my cold KFC that I brought for lunch today. I mean, those herbs and spices really ARE finger lickin’ good.

Play Super Chick Sisters!

11 thoughts on “Finger Clickin’ Good”

  1. I seem to recall that there was video out of Pamela Anderson enjoying a foot-long. Has she changed her position on meat since then? And I hope that the Super Chick Sisters take proper precautions (I’m thinking dental dam) when rescuing Ms. Anderson. The last thing PETA needs is a Hep. B scare.

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  2. I think it’s just a good chance to fight the system. Ever since I was a young child, I always thought that KFC had a slightly authoritarian bent to it. Or maybe it was just that my parents never referred to it by its real name but rather said, “Let’s have the Colonel for dinner tonight.”

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  3. Just when I thought that SacEats’ comment wasn’t going to be dirty, he had to throw in that last sentence:

    “Let’s have the Colonel for dinner tonight”

    Dude, I don’t think your mom was talking about chicken.

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  4. I always did wonder what he was a Colonel of, I supposed it was an army of chickens.

    That bucket of blood though is a hoot- has anyone bothered to play the game besides myself?

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  5. Why yes, RG, the Cluck ‘n’ Bell is one of the fast food destinations in Liberty City. You have been awarded 20 nerd-points for your game reference.

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  6. Wow I seriously thought this was a well-constructed joke. But the call to the bizarre was too strong. I really don’t know what to say. But I wonder if I can have that half hour of my life back…

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  7. Nerd points? Darn it — I was going for street cred.

    Actually, I’ve only played the game once, the San Andreas version. My mission was to go to the Cluck ‘n’ Bell, and I failed miserably, so it has long been the joke in this household. I’m not one for these newfangled game controller things with all of the different buttons — gimme the roller ball, wheel, or joystick with the single button, and I’m in good shape.

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  8. Sacrag and KFC are conspiring to put “KFC” in my Google search window every time I visit SacRag now. I’d much rather it put “Pamala Anderson” up there, since thats what is usually there anyway.

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