I guess the reason I don’t troll for hilarious Craigslist ads more often is that the only thing I frequently purchase that is not dinner, or cannot be made into dinner or another meal, is socks. Though I’m sure you can score some sweet socks on the CL. But I dig them fresh. Anyway, I find myself in the market for an antique typewriter and came across this ad:

For sale is an antique and/or vintage Royal typewriter.

It’s in good cosmetic condition. It types, though the carriage is loose and the ribbon is a bit dry. But you’re not likely to buy this to type with, unless maybe you need to do a ransom note and don’t want to mess with that tedious letter-cut-out-of-magazines thing. But that’s none of my business, so let’s forget I brought it up. Or maybe you’re going to go steampunk with it, which, again, is none of my business, so we can forget I brought that up, too. Dork.

As I was perusing Craigslist for some concrete work that I need done on my house (please let me know if you’ve got a guy that knows a guy), I came across this delightful advertisement.  Despite reading it 5 times, I still have no idea what it’s for.  Word for word, here it is:

Females Looking for Yard/Irrigation Repairs For You: – $75 (Sacramento/Placer So Co)

---

Reply to: sale-674644247@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-05-09, 3:27PM PDT

You have tried meny Contractors Refuse to come to Your Small Yards:
Small leaks one Sprinkler Head,Pipes,need Low-Voltage Lights for your Walkway,
Bark Yard Spa, Pool,Check-Out that Time Clock,Pruning Shrubs Over Grown weeds
Clean-up new Bark,Rock Redo. Then haul to Dump max 1-Load. House,Duplexs,Rental or Own it.
Just like to Really Barter Your Services as a Lic. [CMT] Massage Tec for
this trained person Labor hour for hour work Back Massage,Deep Pressure,Tissue,Rock,Swedish Rock Style Therapeutic or Total[FSBM] Yes:
Sorry materials non-negotable and cost of dump fees or excess Materials
Bark,Sod,Rock work or any possible 2,000 sq.Ft hydroseeding work:
Not interested in any Equal Value Trading for P/C work,Add promotion work,T-shirts,hats etc. Only-Females Barters for [CMT] Massage Work performed with-in
24-48 hrs after Labor work performed for You in Landscape,Irrigation Repairs:
***No Visa or M/C accepted for any other work performed only cash or checks
Work that exceed upto $300.00-$2,500.00 value: Call Monday-Saturday 7:30 A.M.
-6:00 P.M. Daily for Serious Callers at [916] 402-5783: Yes I do make Special
appointments as needed for estimates on Sundays Only: All estimates are Written in clear English for all Barter work also. 11 Years in Greater Sacramento County Area: If line Busy you can either email or call Direct Voicemail [916] 553-9806: Leave messages with name,phone no. for quick return calls: Note; emails please add your address with your return phone No.
Thank You:

As best as I can figure it, I can either: 1) Get a massage in exchange for landscaping; 2) Get landscaping in exchange for a massage; or 3) Get sprinklers repaired, a retaining wall built, and a hot-rock massage all by the same company.

Note delicious irony that “All Estimates are Written in clear English.”

Any other interpretations out there?

This is The Sac Rag’s 1500th post. –CoolDMZ

Okay, how sad do you think these ponies are?

Here’s an opportunity for anyone with some free time this summer and no need for additional income. If you think that print journalism is in your future, take a peek at this listing from Craigslist: Continue reading “Young, Would-Be Journalists, Lend Me Your Ears” »

Okay, I’m amused and annoyed at the same time. Current local ad for a bike on today’s Craigslist:

My current mode of transportation is my bike. I have finally decided to part ways with my bike. One, I am hoping with the money that I get, I can purchase a calculator that will compute partial derivatives and other such computations as required for the completion of my vector analysis course. Two, I know none of these calculators exist. Three, I do not expect you to know this, and that you will be tricked to giving me money.

Continue reading “Mr. Tim Hearts Math” »

I know that title makes little sense but I’ve been absent from SacRag for a while and I guess I’m a bit rusty. Anyhoo (a phrase I hate), I don’t know whether it’s just that I’ve been living in Sacramento for a while now, or the subliminal pressure of past SacRag posts on the subject, or all the talk of “the environment”, but I’m obsessed with getting a bike.  And not the kind of bike that would give people any chance of mistaking me with an athlete either. I’m in the market for a super-vain cruiser that can only get me to Burr’s ice cream and back, people. The obsession is so strong that it’s finally motivated me to have that garage sale I’ve been talking about for months. So it’s coming up. The date and location have been intentionally ommited so as to preserve our hallowed SacRag from becoming a craigslist substitute. I’m not plugging my sale here, I’m wondering: Any good tips out there for pulling off a blow-out garage sale, Sacramento style?

Folks trying to sell their PS3s on Craigslist better take note. Cbs13.com reports that a seller was beaten and robbed while trying to meet the buyer of his Playstation at a local gas station Tuesday.

And to think, I was worried about handing out my email address.

The news station recommends meeting buyers of goods sold on the popular online classifieds site at your local police station parking lot. That’s right. The next time you sell a good for a few thousand dollars online and need to meet the buyer to make the under the table, most likely unreported cash transaction, be sure to do it somewhere where your tax dollars will ensure your safety.

Friends! Whenever my husband and I have needed to rent an apartment/house in Sacramento we’ve just driven around until we found something. So besides Craigslist I have have no idea where someone from out of town should look for rental lists. Website suggestions, fellow snarkers?

Who doesn’t love them some craigslist? Have a pair of concert tickets you wanna sell? Check out craigslist.com. Looking to find that special someone? Craigslist.com is for you. In need of some daycare for your toddler? Please, steer your internet browser clear of craiglist.com. While they have a section devoted to this topic (http://sacramento.craigslist.org/kid/) and I am sure there are plenty of reputable, competent caregivers on there, I’d like to share a litte anecdote with you.

I was sitting at soccer practice a few weeks ago along side many of the other parents who enjoy watching their little ones run around aimlessly occasionally bumping into a soccer ball. I noticed this younger, college aged gal thumbing through a textbook (moving her lips as she read, not a good start). A sister maybe? Perhaps a nanny?
Continue reading “Nanny 911″ »