Maybe it’s my sensitivity of being a newlywed who’s selling her house, but what’s up with everyone wanting to know personal financial information like how much you paid for your house and how long ago you bought it?
I realize such questions became part of the daily chatter before the real estate bubble burst, but when you think about it, how obnoxious is it for someone to boast over how much equity they have? How gauche is it for someone to ASK how much you’re making on your home sale? Why don’t we all carry around laminated copies of the previous year’s tax returns while we’re at it? Would you like to see my medical records too?
This came to light a couple weeks ago when Mr. NonRunnerButHeSwimsALot and I went to Fro’s to celebrate having faxed my signed counter-offer to my prospective buyer’s agent.
Sitting at the sushi bar, there was a boorish drunk to my left. I knew he was a jerk when I overheard his date tell him that she was going to visit her sister who has cancer later this year. He said, “Yeah, hopefully she’ll last that long!” (Refer to FauxPaws’ post on how Sacramentans are mean.) I wanted to knock him off his stool, impale him with my chopsticks, and rub wasabi in his eyeballs, but of course, I wasn’t supposed to be listening to their conversation.
Later on, hubby took a photo of me holding my signed counter offer. The drunk asked me how much money I was making on the deal.
Using a tactic learned from my wise boss, I replied, “Why do you ask?”
He started grilling me, “HOW MUCH?”
I said, “It’s none of your business.”
“No really, HOW MUCH?”
“That’s personal financial information.”
His date, now clued in, told him to stop. As luck would have it, that’s right when we got our bill and were able to leave. On our way out the door, I could still hear him complaining that I wouldn’t give him the scoop.
Yes, I have equity. It’s not as much as I’d like, but it’s enough. Does this guy (or anyone else) really need to know my entire financial history for the time period for which I owned the place?
On a related note, I also want us Sacramentans to start a new trend of NOT asking newlyweds when they’re going to have kids — this happens the moment after “I do” is said. People who say they’re not ready for kids, or maybe don’t ever want them are looked at like aliens with leprosy. What about people who can’t have kids? My mom’s advice in responding to this question is, “I’m surprised you would ask such a personal question.” I’ve used that, and it’s brilliant. It disarms people immediately, and they realize they’ve asked a rude question.
In conclusion, I urge my fellow Sacramentans (and the surrounding multi-county region) to help me start the trend of not asking personal questions about financial matters or potential reproduction, because really, it’s nobody else’s business.
The Sac Rag 
Agreed! Though for some reason I find myself on the other end of this situation more often – people volunteering unsolicited personal information to me. Which I admit I kind of tend to enjoy. Your mom should write an ettiquite book – that is an awesome response!
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Maybe people think it’s OK to ask because the information is pretty easy to find on their own? After all, you can find out what I paid for my house, and when, on the Internet. If I sell it, you can find that out, too, and then do the math. (Of course, you don’t know if I have a second, etc., if you’re trying to figure out my “profit.”)
We had an incident in our neighborhood when the neighbors selling a home got VERY angry with another neighbor who strolled over to ask, “what are you asking?” and “what did you pay?” Oooooo, such nastiness. Very unfortunate.
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I don’t like to get asked about my purchase price either but as mentioned by fauxpaws it is public information so if someone really wants to know that can look it up. I usually tell them if I am asked. Though I have never been asked by a complete stranger who does not know where I live to even look up the price.
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I’m neutral on the whole house price thing. I actually think neighbors wanting to know is natural — after all, it could affect them as well. On the other hand, complete strangers? That’s a little wierd.
As for the married and children thing, that certainly isn’t unique to Sacramento, and I’ll bet it extends far beyond the United States. People need to find ways of making you feel like you haven’t “joined the crowd” yet, or of making you feel guilty because you haven’t joined them in their misery.
The baby pressure is relentless — it’s assumed that’s the reason you got married.
Then you have babies and everyone is an armchair child psychologist/pediatrician.
Then you retire and everyone wants you to go on cruises.
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I would agree with meg solely
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Hey RunnerGirl! As a married man, I feel your pain on the kids front. The weirder question I get (from strangers, friends and family) is, “When are you going to start trying to have a baby?” Isn’t that just code talk for, “When are you planning on having unprotected sex.” My usual response is, “No but I’ve been practicing by myself or with someone for years now.”
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Oh, I think people usually just ask about family plans because they see having children as something joyful and a blessing (not “misery” as John suggests) and they, in their happiness for you as a couple, are expressing hope that you too will enjoy the richness of life. Their assumption that you include childbearing in your plan for a joyful marriage might be incorrect, but their motivation is sweet and hopeful. I get asked all the time too. I agree it’s personal, especially as it relates to fertility issues and when the asking party is someone you don’t know very well, but I think it’s totally coming from a good place. I see it as people expressing excitement for me and my husband as a couple and wishing for loving blessings to happen in our life. So I don’t think I can really interpret it in some sort of sardonic way. I think most people would be shocked to think their good wishes are interpreted like that. Even though of course, it would be more polite not to ask given the personal nature of the question.
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I feel your pain RG. I too have been reminded that I’m getting no younger and if we were to compare unusual presents received I might win in the category of those to be used in childrearing. I’m just saying intentions count for something and I think people mean the best when asking, as opposed to John’s characterization of the question.
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I had the sudden urge to leave our friend’s home after an awesome dinner last night. I couldn’t figure out why until questioned by my husband on the way home. They just had a baby and know that we are trying to as well. Thougtfulllessly (I just made that up.) the wife/mother told me how great I was going to look pregnant, and how ‘it’ would happen…yada, yada, yada. All I could think is, what if it doesn’t. It is really personal. I’m so sorry we let anybody know we were even trying…but then, before we did, they were always asking, as you said. I figured it would get them off our backs. Now I have to inform them of our trips to Kaiser courtesy of the the infertility clinic. UGH!! I wish I could keep my mouth shut!!
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All it takes is looking in the business section of Sunday’s Bee to learn selling prices (or even getting on a realtor’s automated e-mail list that sends out such info. My problem is people asking how much money I’m making off the sale. That’s nobody’s beeswax but mine.
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What’s especially charming is when these kind-hearted & well-intentioned folks also remind me that I’m “not getting any younger.”
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