Grammar police at East Lawn

Last evening my daughters and I checked out the East Lawn Children’s Park, a small playground and grassy field on the corner of 42nd St. and Folsom Blvd. This has to be one of the coolest parks in the “micro” category–it’s only about the size of 2 residential lots, but it has a great older wooden jungle gym, a massive sandbox, a nice grassy area, and best of all it is completely shaded at 5:30 pm on a hot day.

My reason for posting though is the sign listing the various things that are prohibited in the park. Now I don’t usually participate in Grammar Policing–I think I just used “irony” in a questionable context just a few minutes ago–but when the results of bad usage are hilarious then I pay attention. I am too cheap to find a way to get the pictures from my camera phone off my camera, but this will be better if I type out what the sign says and make my snarky comments anyway.

The main problem with the sign is the lack of commas. The sign lists groups related prohibited items together without commas and sticks a period at the end of each line, with stupendous results. Here is the list of things prohibited, line by line, with my commentary:

PERSONS 18 OR OLDER UNLESS DIRECTLY ENGAGED IN CARE AND SUPERVISION OF CHILDREN. Not much to say there, actually, though we parents are always thankful for that rule.
DOG ANY DOMESTICATED ANIMAL. It is against the rules to hassle a cockatiel or harrass a kitty cat. Or get all up in a guinea pig’s grill.
AMPLIFIED SOUND GOLF PRACTICE. Now golf is really a gentleman’s game, isn’t it? Not played by the sort of people who blast their boom boxes. Maybe this rule could go.
VENDORS FIREWORKS. You can bring your own homemade sparklers, but don’t bring any from a vendor.
LOITERING ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES. Because honestly, if they’re not going to be actively imbibed by a human, they’re just taking up space.
SMOKING BBQS. It’s really difficult to cook meat without creating smoke, but I’m sure it can be done.
LITTERING DEFACING PROPERTY. If the littering somehow improves the property, it’s perfectly okay.

Author: CoolDMZ

"X-ray vision to see in between / Where's my kimono and my time machine?"

10 thoughts on “Grammar police at East Lawn”

  1. Somewhere in Sacramento, Runnergirl is pulling her siren out of the glove box of her car – I’m picturing one of those magnetic siren thingies like Starsky had – and rushing to the scene of the crime.


  2. How did you know I had one of those? I’ve already coned off the area and have put up yellow “caution” tape too. Now, kindly excuse me while I go to work with my stick-on comma kit from

    At least the Selby Ranch people have finally taken down their banner that read, “Resort living at it’s best!” I had to drive past that every single day, and I’d shake my fist at it each time.


  3. I had an it’s/its problem a few years ago. Couldn’t stop eating them. It’s a cookie and it’s ice cream, and they’re together!


  4. Nope, but that was another one that irked me. I’d ordinarily vow to boycott a place that does the it’s/its thing, but Whole Foods’ broccoli salad and cioppino are the best, and it’s the only place in town that has dried goji berries (yummy & high in antioxidants!)


  5. Since “BBQ” technically includes hours and hours of low heat and high smoke, it sounds like grilling is allowed.


  6. so their policy is discriminatory towards cooking techniques in certain parts of the country. that’s it, i’m going on strike!


  7. Many warn posting scribed with other language and convert bad. And screenprint no translate copy. Bring many never domesticated drunk fauna play with swing and eat raw or steamed.


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