Last evening my daughters and I checked out the East Lawn Children’s Park, a small playground and grassy field on the corner of 42nd St. and Folsom Blvd. This has to be one of the coolest parks in the “micro” category–it’s only about the size of 2 residential lots, but it has a great older wooden jungle gym, a massive sandbox, a nice grassy area, and best of all it is completely shaded at 5:30 pm on a hot day.
My reason for posting though is the sign listing the various things that are prohibited in the park. Now I don’t usually participate in Grammar Policing–I think I just used “irony” in a questionable context just a few minutes ago–but when the results of bad usage are hilarious then I pay attention. I am too cheap to find a way to get the pictures from my camera phone off my camera, but this will be better if I type out what the sign says and make my snarky comments anyway.
The main problem with the sign is the lack of commas. The sign lists groups related prohibited items together without commas and sticks a period at the end of each line, with stupendous results. Here is the list of things prohibited, line by line, with my commentary:
PERSONS 18 OR OLDER UNLESS DIRECTLY ENGAGED IN CARE AND SUPERVISION OF CHILDREN. Not much to say there, actually, though we parents are always thankful for that rule.
DOG ANY DOMESTICATED ANIMAL. It is against the rules to hassle a cockatiel or harrass a kitty cat. Or get all up in a guinea pig’s grill.
AMPLIFIED SOUND GOLF PRACTICE. Now golf is really a gentleman’s game, isn’t it? Not played by the sort of people who blast their boom boxes. Maybe this rule could go.
VENDORS FIREWORKS. You can bring your own homemade sparklers, but don’t bring any from a vendor.
LOITERING ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES. Because honestly, if they’re not going to be actively imbibed by a human, they’re just taking up space.
SMOKING BBQS. It’s really difficult to cook meat without creating smoke, but I’m sure it can be done.
LITTERING DEFACING PROPERTY. If the littering somehow improves the property, it’s perfectly okay.