Dead to Me

It’s been a while since I’ve completely given up on a restaurant. I tend to be pretty forgiving, even with some of the worst restaurants in town. There are a few places, however, that I’ve come to dismiss with such completeness that they are, akin to a cheesy father/son relationship film in which the line “I have no son!” is uttered, dead to me.

Fins– Oh fins, you were filled with such promise. I thought that we were really going to work out well, your two new locations being so convenient and everything. Then came the rather disgusting stomach illness of 2006 that almost ruined Christmas. Then came your rather lackluster fish tacos. Then came your latest belly flop when you served me an ahi “sandwich” that consisted of nothing more than overdone ahi, two slices of barely toasted sourdough, and your less than appealing tartar sauce–no lettuce, no onion, no tomato, no nothing–just a side of Sysco fries and three nearly empty bottles of ketchup. Really, would it have killed you to find me the one ful bottle of ketchup in the place? Was it necessary to have me making flatulence noises with my trio of ketchup bottles for 10 minutes rather than rustle me up a new bottle? Are you intentionally bent on making me dislike you? Well, if that’s the way you’re going to be, then we’re through. Kaput. Finito. You’re dead to me. I have no Fins!

Mana II– Oh Mana II, poor ugly cousin of the more popular Mana on Alta Arden. You have provided shelter and succor and ramen when I was next door at the Comedy Spot on Broadway. You have tried, valiantly, to provide quality food at affordable prices. But let’s face it, your sushi has never been what anyone would call “fresh.” Your fish always seems like you got it at the Grocery Outlet or FoodMaxxxx, and your constantly changing menu approach is annoying. And while you might “maximize your shopping power,” you’re minimizing all the things you do well. Yesterday was the last straw, by the way. Your new “All You Can Eat Sushi” is novel, truly, but when it takes forty-five minutes, that’s right, forty-five minutes, for the subpar sushi to be served, without apology mind you, your idea turns sour. I’m sorry Mana II, you’re dead to me. Or at least your sushi is dead to me. I still might drop by for ramen.

In fact, you’d probably do well if you scratched the sushi altogether and tried to be one of the few Japanese restaurants in town that didn’t serve sushi, instead focusing on the other 99% of Japanese cuisine. Just a thought.

Burger King– When did the Burger King become a third rate world leader?

I haven’t been to a Burger King in about three years. I just went recently. I am sorely disappointed. I feel that I need to have a heart to heart with the king and tell him that his empire is crumbling. He is a puppet on a throne of balsa wood, living in a house of cards standing on feet of clay, with too many burger cronies pumping up his flagging ego. He’s going down and he doesn’t even see it coming.

I’ve had better meals at those run-down burger joints where all they do is take over an old franchise location and just change some letters in the sign, like “Hot Carl Jr” or “Bendy’s” or my personal favorite “International House of Pans.”

For the love of all that is holy, how damn hard is it to cook french fries. Mine were so burnt that you’d think some arson parolee was running things. I believe the King is maybe spending a little too much time playing croquet or trying to get a leg over the Dairy Queen to train his employees on how to use the fryolator properly. All I’m saying is that this is exactly what happened to the Romans. They were fat and happy watching gladiators kill each other and pulling the old binge and purge routine, and they let their empire crumble around their ears. Good bye, your highness. The king is dead. Long live the king!

19 thoughts on “Dead to Me”

  1. It is hilarious that the top choice in the Related Posts column is:

    Dead whale sighted off coast of SF.

    Take that, lousy seafood establishments!

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  2. I wrote them to complain about no warning re: the Escolar.

    They took 3 weeks to reply – without an actualy apology – that they were no longer serving it.

    Nice!

    They used to have decent seafood and decent prices but now Safeway is 1/2 the price and the same quality, so no reason for me to go to Fins ever again.

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  3. Thanks for the heads-up on Fins. We’ve decided to Eat the Grid and really enjoyed Crepeville (1730 L St.) on Sunday. We (wife and I) recommend. Her chicken salad was HUGE and my chicken sandwich with sprouts was good but the potatoes that came with it was amazing! (Is there an ‘e’ in potato(e)? I don’t think there is. How ’bout when it’s pluralized? Where is Quayle when you need him?)

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  4. Some people get creeped out by clowns. However, I find the Burger King to be far more likely to induce nightmares.

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  5. Juan in a Million (58th & Broadway) is dead to me, but only because they are never open. Food wasn’t bad (and reasonably priced), but who the hell has a neighborhood restaurant that is closed for dinner and weekends?
    Mr. Pickle is dead to me because it is too creepy to have a giant pickle shoved down your throat (I mean their ad person on the corner- get your mind outta the gutter) during the commute, and I think they all went outta business.
    National chain pizza delivery is dead to me because none of them will deliver to my house. Some kind of zip code (a.k.a., “the other racial profiling”) “restriction.”

    Not Dead to me: Tallac Drive Thru (‘cross from Tallac Village Shopping Center on 14th and … 62nd?)- great selection, fantastic greasy spoon food, shakes n’ fries are very good, closed Sundays (see Juan’, above).
    Suzannes in River Park, on Carlson. Italian for the Italians. Family to a Tee. Nice little deli too!

    And something that would wake the dead: Hold your breath, fire up the BBQ, and get ready for more meat! “The Butcher of Tahoe Park” may return within the year with his fantastic selection of meats (including the hard to find stuff) and cheeses, plus deli stuff (and maybe even MORE!)!! Look for a Broadway (or nearby) location. (More information as it becomes available)

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  6. The Village Drive-In (Thru?) is fantastic! Delicious shakes and the grilled cheese with bacon is fabulous! Bummer that it’s closed Sundays.

    Tahoe Park needs more neighborhood places so I can’t wait to hear more about The Butcher.

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  7. Okay how about this Tahoe Park deadness: Pancho’s, or Pancho’s Maria’s Pancho’s as I like to call it. I was a big fan until the last visit: completely different cooking crew, therefore completely bad tasting burritos–undercooked rice, different spices on the chicken, no guac, what gives.

    I am worried about going back, I’m going to have to go in the door, look at the cooking staff, and be ready to fake a forgotten wallet or something and back away.

    I too am excited about the Butcher, I only found out about this after he had left. Keep us in the loop, TS

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  8. Pancho’s sucks now? Bummer. I haven’t been there for quite a few months but was looking forward to a yummy return. Tahoe Park definitely needs better restaurants. Oh, supersonic30, the Village Drive-in closed on Sundays thing was discovered by me after strolling my kid there with a promise of ice cream. Who closes on Sunday anymore?

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  9. I’ll bite the bullet and give Pancho’s another shot and report back. I think/hope the usual crew were on vacation or something.

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  10. So frickin’ funny!

    Jamie’s is in a coma..for me. Stagecoach II is dead to me…but I’d go back to the one further down Florin near Bowling Dr, Stagecoach I. They have great breakfast grits.

    I always meant to try Fins..glad I passed.

    For exceptional seafood..it’s Taylors on Freeport.

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  11. I know this is a little off topic but it’s in the neighborhood, they serve food, and its now Dead to Me so I’m adding it. Corti Brothers. What happened? I’ve been there three times this month and each one was worse than the previous visit. On each visit I was virtually the only customer in the place (I know, everyone is at Trader Joes a few blocks down and rightly so) and yet they act so put out to have to help anyone. I really only go for the deli and this last time I was literally the only person in the aisle. As usual there are no prices/descriptions on anything and god forbid you have to ask what something was as I did. I’m sorry but that baked ball of dough could be a Hot Pocket or a nice salmon stuffed ball of goodness. The woman behind the counter acted like it was beyond her to figure out what it was so I just skipped it. The three salads I did request were met with almost scorn. Let me point out that I am not a ‘hold the mayo, sauce on the side, extra tomatoes’ type of gal. I’m a ‘just wrap it up and I’ll put it in my cart’ so why the hostility? Bottom line, I’m not going back. If you charge $8.49 for a box of Grape Nuts, you have to be friendly. It’s the law.

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  12. Last time I was at the Corti deli, they called back a man who dropped off a sandwich order form. He ignored the sandwich and ingredient selections and simply wrote “Philly Cheesesteak” across the bottom. I thought the deli woman was very nice in explaining to this moron that they do not sell Philly Cheesesteaks, not is there anything remotely similar to a Philly Cheesesteak at the deli counter of this Italian grocery store.

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  13. I have had everyone at Corti’s remember my name, special order anything I need, introduce me to obscure delicacies, and educate me on interesting food facts, upcoming events, and wine selections.
    They have better prices on better coffees than Raley’s, Safeway, and Nugget.
    Can’t imagine a more enthusiastic or well educated staff.
    You obviously have never been invited to the back room.

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  14. Wow! The only time they were that nice to me was when I bought a $400 bottle of scotch for my then boyfriend when he graduated from law school. Maybe I should try that again.

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  15. Speaking of Tahoe Park, does anyone know what’s going into the retail/commercial space under construction next to 7-11 on Broadway & 58th?

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  16. supersonic30: my first thought was man, that looks like the future home of a cigarette shop. but now there is one next to Wing Stop, so we’re good there. not that there’s anything wrong with that. what are your hopes and dreams for that spot?

    We need a connection who can find these sorts of things out. I’m sure it can be researched but probably not 100% on the innerweb.

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  17. I don’t know how to get that kind of information, but it’s in walking distance from my house so I hope it’s something cool. However, judging from the “design,” I’m not too confident!

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  18. Update! I went to the Tahoe Park Neighborhood Assn. meeting earlier this week and someone asked Kevin McCarty what was going into that building and all he knows is that one store will be… drumroll… a cigarette shop! Good guessing!

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