As Seen on Craigslist

As I was perusing Craigslist for some concrete work that I need done on my house (please let me know if you’ve got a guy that knows a guy), I came across this delightful advertisement.  Despite reading it 5 times, I still have no idea what it’s for.  Word for word, here it is:

Females Looking for Yard/Irrigation Repairs For You: – $75 (Sacramento/Placer So Co)

Reply to:
Date: 2008-05-09, 3:27PM PDT

You have tried meny Contractors Refuse to come to Your Small Yards:
Small leaks one Sprinkler Head,Pipes,need Low-Voltage Lights for your Walkway,
Bark Yard Spa, Pool,Check-Out that Time Clock,Pruning Shrubs Over Grown weeds
Clean-up new Bark,Rock Redo. Then haul to Dump max 1-Load. House,Duplexs,Rental or Own it.
Just like to Really Barter Your Services as a Lic. [CMT] Massage Tec for
this trained person Labor hour for hour work Back Massage,Deep Pressure,Tissue,Rock,Swedish Rock Style Therapeutic or Total[FSBM] Yes:
Sorry materials non-negotable and cost of dump fees or excess Materials
Bark,Sod,Rock work or any possible 2,000 sq.Ft hydroseeding work:
Not interested in any Equal Value Trading for P/C work,Add promotion work,T-shirts,hats etc. Only-Females Barters for [CMT] Massage Work performed with-in
24-48 hrs after Labor work performed for You in Landscape,Irrigation Repairs:
***No Visa or M/C accepted for any other work performed only cash or checks
Work that exceed upto $300.00-$2,500.00 value: Call Monday-Saturday 7:30 A.M.
-6:00 P.M. Daily for Serious Callers at [916] 402-5783: Yes I do make Special
appointments as needed for estimates on Sundays Only: All estimates are Written in clear English for all Barter work also. 11 Years in Greater Sacramento County Area: If line Busy you can either email or call Direct Voicemail [916] 553-9806: Leave messages with name,phone no. for quick return calls: Note; emails please add your address with your return phone No.
Thank You:

As best as I can figure it, I can either: 1) Get a massage in exchange for landscaping; 2) Get landscaping in exchange for a massage; or 3) Get sprinklers repaired, a retaining wall built, and a hot-rock massage all by the same company.

Note delicious irony that “All Estimates are Written in clear English.”

Any other interpretations out there?

This is The Sac Rag’s 1500th post. –CoolDMZ

12 thoughts on “As Seen on Craigslist”

  1. I feel like it’s vaguely related to prostitution but I can’t quite put my finger on it. I’d call to clarify but I don’t want to be indicted.


  2. Apparently if it takes him 8 hours to fix your sprinklers and your female. You can repay him with an 8 hour massage, or something like that.


  3. No job is too big or too small. 🙂 Will trade work for massage but not for computer work…and massage must take place ASAP after landscaping is completed.

    Does that sound close? It’s funny.


  4. I’ll take the Swedish Rock Style Therapeutic with dump fees and a possible 2,000 sq.Ft hydroseeding. It looks like I can NOT pay in hats, but please reconsider, as my hats come pre-wired for low-voltage. REALLY nice hats!


  5. Or a future in writing step by step directions for putting together that new entertainment center.


  6. Basuraman,
    We were cussing the person who wrote those directions just this weekend! Now we know who it was. I think we will call him/her and get even with yet another ambiguous request, promise much money BUT ONLY if he/she can tell us what we are asking for.

    (we really do need some landscaping done..and we have a small yard)


  7. This person is obviously under the influence drugs. In his or her mind though addiction goggles the advertising had the look and feel of Romeo & Juliet, Shakespeare’s greatest love story. On our end it is what it is!


  8. And we thought that the butchering of the English language was only limited to Craig’sList…..


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