Crooks don’t rob people, hoodies do

Almost nothing is not funny about this Fox 40 story about Arden Fair Mall’s new dress code, which bans baggy pants and hooded sweatshirts.

“That’s retarded,” one shopper told FOX40’s Rowena Shaddox. “I should be able to wear anything I want. I’m a person.”

I’d only really quibble with part of that statement. Though I do agree that the policy has a cognitive disability — it is divorced from reality in a major way. Arden Fair is sticking to their hoodies on this one, though…

“We don’t allow masks, and we’re certainly not going to allow hoods,” explains Steve Reed, Arden’s Security Guest Services Manager.

Certainly. Never mind that hoods have been worn for centuries and you’re just thinking of this now. Well how about the criticism that stores in the mall sell hooded sweatshirts? Arden Fair is certainly prepared for that question as well:

“There are businesses that sell guns,” Reed argues, “And they don’t allow them to carry guns either, not at the mall.”

There are businesses, plural, that sell guns at Arden Fair Mall? I am not sure whether Sears sells firearms but they would be the only store that I can think of that would. Did the NRA recently acquire the Champs sporting goods franchise? Does that collectible dagger store also sell blunderbusses?

Obligatory serious statement of sympathy: I do sympathize with law enforcement groups who have to deal with the young people, whose shit-spiral continues unabated by good parenting or effective education. But banning a harmless article of clothing from all because some bad apples wear them to rob Wet Seal? We’re certainly not going to allow that.

After all, how in good conscience could you ban this hoodie?

Author: CoolDMZ

"X-ray vision to see in between / Where's my kimono and my time machine?"

7 thoughts on “Crooks don’t rob people, hoodies do”

  1. Recent crimes have seen hooded sweatshirts as a clothing choice for robbers who want to conceal their faces, using the drawstrings to close the hoods over their heads nearly completely.

    That’s rich. What else did Recent Crimes see? I kid, of course.

    Seriously, what if Recent Crimes saw robbers wearing black pants with a brown belt?


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