“The Bucket List Bandit” is coming for you

The "Bucket List Bandit"

In case you haven’t heard about the latest criminal mastermind, the so-called “Bucket List Bandit” is wanted for robbing Bank of the West in Carmichael last month, and he got his label because he appears to be 48 to 50 years old and therefore robbing a bank must be on his “bucket list” because he’s so old and appears ready to die at any moment. Hold up, he’s at most 50 years old is what they think? And we think this is an age that means a person is at death’s door?

I can’t exactly explain why this name grates on my soul so much, but I guess the reason is that the criteria for a pop culture reference that we can safely assume will be recognizable to everyone in society has clearly sunk so low that a one-off “Grumpy Old Men” type comedy qualifies. Can’t we aim a little higher? I realize that in my previous post I referenced “Austin Powers” and in the previous paragraph I mentioned “Grumpy Old Men” but I’m writing for a specific audience who I imagine is waiting with bated breath for my superbly crafted pop culture refs. The FBI should have to aim a bit higher, no?

Actually, back to that age thing. What’s the deal with that? In photos the dude does actually look like he’s circling the drain, so where did we get the idea that he is maybe only 13 years older than I am? I’d like to see what alternate names for this crook you can come up with. Can we go more in the direction of a Seventh Seal reference, or at least Phantasm?

Author: CoolDMZ

"X-ray vision to see in between / Where's my kimono and my time machine?"

3 thoughts on ““The Bucket List Bandit” is coming for you”

  1. He looks a lot older than 48 or 50. Some 22 year-old teller gave that description no doubt..as she/he thinks that is OLD.

    They cancelled two soaps because the average viewer age was 57. 57!!! Cher is 64. If we could all afford plastic surgery we might all look that plastically good at 64.

    and don’t call me ma’am.


  2. Maybe he has cancer or similar wasting disease. Calling him the “Late Stage AIDS Bandit” just wouldn’t go over well.
    Other potential names:
    “Cancer Crook”
    “Dying Desperado”
    “Gaunt Gangster”


  3. Looks like your typical AARP sign-waver who spent his his retirement money on timeshare condos while choosing to forget that social securiity is just a reirement supplement, not a retirement plan.


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