The red zone is for loading and unloading only

I’ve always maintained that the coolest thing about the Internet is having the ability to interact with business accounts without having to interact with human beings. I think we can all agree that the less we deal with people the better. Or maybe only I can agree. At any rate, businesses have recognized this, too, and have implemented the IVR ( interactive voice response ) system in an attempt to satisfy the needs of the consumer. It simply doesn’t work. 9.5 times out of 10 we all wish we could just hit a button that would bypass the automation and send us to a real person. In the past simply pressing “0” did the trick. Today, however, it is next to impossible to figure out the special number combination that will free us from the IVR hell that we created. That is, until I was sent this link the other day. Some tricks are simple ( press “0” twice) while others are bit time consuming ( Say “I don’t know it” then “technician” ).

With this in mind, I think I am going to start my own 916 IVR Cheat Sheet (Surewest, Comcast, SMUD, etc.) Feel free to comment with any local business IVR system shortcuts you may have. We can do this Sacramento, one #, 0, 0, *, * at a time.

Local boy makes ape

Budding hometown movie star Colin Hanks stars in “King Kong,” a movie about a torrid love affair between a young blonde actress and a monstrous gorilla. I caught Colin on Conan the other night and he gave a great interview–great energy, good stories. Not unlike a certain other world class actor. And no, I am not such a Sac homer that young master Hanks’ screen time is enough to make me want to see this enormous piece of Hollywood poop. Or haven’t you seen the commercial with the Coldplay song? Oh Peter Jackson, you had me at “no-one tosses a dwarf,” but you lost me when King Kong fought a frickin T-Rex. Remake my 24-foot tall arse.

Thunder down under

This last Saturday, I had the opportunity to check out the hottest ticket in Stockton – at least for Saturday. The Stockton Thunder, the city’s new ECHL hockey franchise (equivalent to AA baseball, I suppose), played their first game in their new arena, conveniently called the Stockton Arena.

As a hockey fan who has been to many an NHL arena, I must admit that this new venue proves itself to be a great place to watch a hockey game. And, aside from a couple of glitches during the night, the entertainment value is high. The 10,000 seat arena has great sight lines, and for $15, our seats were almost ice level. Being the home opener and first game in this building, the atmosphere was electric: the fans were LOUD, rabid and boisterous. The hockey is obviously not NHL or AHL level, but certainly very competitive. Hopefully, the city continues to support the pucking sport in their city the way they did on Saturday. It does make you wonder, though, why Sacramento never got in on this action – but that’s a post for another time.

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Everything was well done, save one item. The Stockton Thunder’s mascot, Thor, was a bit of a joke. The dude couldn’t skate, and came out in the second intermission wearing boots on the ice instead of skates. And he’s hokey too – looks like something some kids made during arts and crafts camp. ThunderPeople, please, do something with that thing.

All in all, it was great hockey to watch for a low price, with great fans too. If you’re ever looking for something to do, check out a Thunder game.

A Christmas (tree) miracle

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Got a great deal on this puppy at the Home Depot, my local branch at Folsom & Howe/Power Inn. It was tagged as a 6-7′ Doug fir, which tree afficionados will know is the cheaper kind. But as you can see, this one has a kind of sparse quality to it that gives it the air of the more expensiver Noble fir. Plus, as you can kinda tell from the photo, this tree is Yao Ming on a bad day (the star basically touches the ceiling, which is 8’2″, and yes, the extra 2″ makes all the difference). Before the Depot crew trimmed the bottom of this beast (they trim and bag them, free of charge) it was probably closer to 9′ than 7′. But the damage was only $23, and that’s one heck of a tree.

And yes, that blue book up on top of the bookshelf is my blackmail archive. Wouldn’t you like to know if you’re in it?

Head for the hills!

The Sac Bee has an interesting article today on projections by the City and County of Sacramento of potential floods that might occur given different scenarios of failing levees. This article comes complete with maps of how deep you can expect the flood waters to reach in your area, as well as evacuation routes.

Of particular interest was this bit in the article:

Generally, you will not need to drive for hours to be safe if a levee fails. You only need to get to high ground. Good areas to aim for: Carmichael, Citrus Heights, Folsom, Davis and cities along the I-80 corridor such as Rocklin and Auburn. In general, going north on I-5 or Highway 99 is not advised because of low spots. Heading south on Highway 99 is also iffy because it can flood.

So basically, if you live south of Highway 50, you’re screwed.

Freedom of…

I know many of our Sac Rag readers are lawyers and/or highly educated. As such, please to explain why a person can be fined for having a boat on his property (CC&R I would assume) but not for spray painting a message on his garage door?

Constitutional guarantees of free speech will make it difficult for the city to order Fredrick to remove the painted message. In fact, Fredrick said his visual protest may be expanding soon.

So couldn’t the boat parking be this man’s way of expressing himself to all those lilly livered land lovers out there that refuse to enjoy the many wonderful waterways our great state has to offer?

Tookie-watch

I’m not going to say much on the whole Stan “Tookie” Williams clemency issue, other than to comment on how silly the rap music they’re playing on NewsTalk 1530 KFBK sounds during their 48-hour continuous will-he-or-won’t-he-be-spared coverage.

It just don’t sound right on your station, man.

(Interestingly enough, as of this writing, no mention of this news story on their website despite the on-air coverage.)

Emptied out pockets!

Where to begin, where to begin. News10.net “reports” that gunmen robbed moviegoers at the Century Theaters at Ethan Way and Arden Way early this morning.

They were talking all kinds of crap, and pretty much robbed us and took our money and scared the living daylights out of everybody.

The following is a game I like to play called “Choose your own snark” which is “pretty much” self explanatory…here goes:

Pretty much robbed? You mean like how the Century Theater “pretty much robbed” you of $6.50 to see another Reese Witherspoon movie?

Pretty much robbed? Like the way the local job market “pretty much robbed” you of the opportunity to work on a weekday morning rather than go see a movie?

Turns out the robbers fled in a vehicle, but none of the victims got a good look at it or the direction in which it turned once it left the parking lot which is totally understandable considering where this theater is.

They are most likely just looping back around to the front of CompUSA by now cursing themselves wondering why they didn’t just rob the theater off Greenback.

UPDATE: Leave it to News10.net to leave out important facts about this crime. Over at KCRA.com I learned that the crime “…happened about 12:45 a.m. as the last showing was letting out…” which makes more sense than an early morning crime (I’ve always considered midnight to 4am as “late last night” and 4:01am to 7:00am as “early this morning” but that’s just me).