If you were to read an article about how most Sacramento parks will be closing their bathrooms (you know, because of the budget) next week would you wonder to yourself, “Bathrooms? I don’t follow.”

Cbs13.com hears your concern and helps you out with a little image to help.

What about an article that reports on a man performing lewd acts near a playground?

Officers say they found 35-year-old Alfonso Valladarez “gyrating his hips in the grass,” as if he was having sexual intercourse.

Hmm, playground, eh? What’s the big deal? Once again, Cbs13.com is there.

Do I need to see a photo of children playing at sunset while I read about a man gyrating his hips in the grass as if he was having sexual intercourse while looking toward the playground? No, I do not. In fact, just typing that sentence makes me want to vomit.

The online scene in Sacramento today is especially entertaining …

From the Home page of cbs13.com:

Last week, we brought you a story about an accused shoplifter who used a baby as a shield against law enforcement in the parking lot of a strip mall. We have since learned the alleged shoplifting crime happened inside a Ross store, not a Marshalls as previously reported. We are sorry for any confusion caused by the initial report.

When I first read that story last week I thought, “No way!”, and it turns out my spidey-sense was right. Now, the only confusion I have is about the future of the human race.

From sacbee.com:

Editor’s Note: Comments on this story have been removed because too many users have violated our rules against personal attacks.

And from our very own web log:

Went to Barret Junior High with Lisa Ling. Stuck up snotty bitch who did everything possible to make life hell for the few kids who went there that were poor, like myself. Doesn’t have anything to do with her sister, just wanted to put that out there …

We haven’t had to use it in a while, but I think today it’s worth dusting off …

Stay classy, Sacramento.

We heard from a reader named Doug this morning that CBS13’s “The Sports Show” may have been canceled. It looks like that scoop is indeed correct. Arran Anderson’s bio page on CBS13.com is “Page not found,” though Andrew Luria’s is still on there. Reader Doug also wonders whether CBS13/CW31 has canceled all sports coverage in general, which would seem to follow. “Sports Show” pretty much was the entirety of CBS13’s sports coverage. I guess we’ll see this weekend?

They always say these things happen in threes: Kozimor, KWOD, Sports Show…

UPDATE: looks like Anderson and “Sports Show” are gone, but there will still be sports coverage.

Item! Yesterday afternoon I spotted CBS13’s Steve Large and CW31’s Julissa Ortiz shopping for groceries together at an East Sacramento grocery store. Can picking out avocados be called ‘canoodling’? It’s the scoop of the century…not.

Oh well, the search for actual gossip continues. As a side note, I can see now that being a paparazzo requires a sharp eye, because when people wear baseball caps you cannot tell who they are.

Green, money that is.

As CoolDMZ mentioned earlier this week, the non-news (or half-news?) is becoming more and more noticeable.

Take this article from cbs13.com, for example. The headline reads “Trade In Lawn Mower And Save Some Green” which implies that there is a lawn mower trade in opportunity where one can save some money a.k.a. “green” which is good news for anyone.

How would like you like to help the environment and save some green, money that is, at the same time?

I would like me like!

You can trade in your old, polluting, gasoline-powered mower and purchase a new, cordless electric mower.

Cool. Now for the green saving part and I am all set.

Continue reading “More from the non-news” »

Happy “Furlough Friday” all. It’s your last one…

And to celebrate I thought I’d share this little gem from cbs13.com

A car full of women slammed into a South Sacramento home this morning crashing through several walls and nearly hitting several sleeping children.

Blah, blah, blah, RTOI. We’ve seen this before.

Police say the four women who were inside the car got into some sort of fight at a Denny’s on Mack Road. When officers arrived to break up the fight, the women sped off, leading cops on a high-speed chase into the South Sacramento neighborhood.

Right, right.

Police believe alcohol was involved. The driver has been arrested on suspicion of evading police, resisting arrest, assault and lynching.

You know, the usual…

I spend a lot of time poking fun at the antics on Good Day Sacramento and on CBS13/CW31 in general. But I have to admit that Good Day’s new Job Center site contains a fabulous feature: video resumes. The feature, offered by CBS for its local affiliates, allows anybody to come on down to the station and record a short video “resume.” It sure seems like a winner of an idea to me: if a potential employer sees your face and hears you talk before ever bringing you in for an interview, it seems like you’ve got a definite leg up. By the time they meet you face to face, it’ll feel like a second interview.

From the intro to this CBS13 video about a large “Smurf” bust.

Seven people are under arrest in what investigators call an elaborate scheme to make meth.

They can MAKE meth??? Oh boy, now we’re really screwed. What will they think of next?!

I’ll leave it up to y’all to make Smurf jokes. Plus: you may use “smurf” in place of other words that might get you banned.

Here’s the second installment of my five part story on squirrels. Watch out Lisa Ling, I’m coming to getcha!

The cbs13.com reports that Redding firefighters are blaming a flaming squirrel for a grass fire that briefly threatened a home.

Firefighters say the squirrel set off the blaze yesterday when it shorted out a power line, caught fire and dropped into dry vegetation. It took eighteen firefighters and six fire engines 20 minutes to battle the one squirrel blaze.

One squirrel blaze! Badda bing! And the squirrel stock photo they used…very rich. If I didn’t know better I would suggest that cbs13.com is making with the jokes.

UPDATE: News10.net hasn’t thrown their fun hat into the ring with a, er, nutty squirrel photo.

CBS13 has some timely advice for victims of the latest credit card scam, which unfortunately has ties to a local sham company. (My transcript from the video below)

CBS13: Criminals actually tapping into credit cards and charging people for things they didn’t buy. … Investigators say these worldwide complains have been traced right back here…. Officials say this could be just the tip of the iceberg…

CBS13: Opening her American Express bill, [Granite Bay resident Amy Galloway] found charges from a company she’d never heard of called 24 Hour Corp.

Galloway: I finally called American Express and said can you check this out?

CBS13: They did, and credited her account….

Barry Goggin, CEO, Better Business Bureau chimes in with some helpful advice:

Continue reading “CBS13’s awesome credit fraud advice” »