You Can Pick Your Friends

But you can’t pick your nose on the bus, evidently. Not that I’ve tried. Not that I’ve ever considered the question, frankly. On the Sacramento RT there’s always a common assortment of entertaining people – the teenager on her cell phone and the guy rambling about Noam Chomsky and how President Bush is the devil (oh, wait, that might be the president of Venezuela). But sometimes you hit the RT jackpot and get something really different and special. Like last night. My first clue that something good was afoot was that a man wearing an eye patch that actually had a skull & crossbones on it sat down next to a lady with barely any teeth. As we all settled in comfortably for the ride up J Street, she starting shouting at him “Sir, could you please not pick your nose on the bus? That’s very rude.” What followed was so good I had to take notes in the back of my book:

Eye Patch: “You’re not my mother. You have no authority over me.”
No Teeth: “I’m not your mother but I shouldn’t have to look at you picking your nose right in front of my face. Go to the front of the bus if you want to do that.” (Apparantly that’s the reserved section for nose-picking, FYI).
Eye Patch: (Shouting) – “You have no authority over me. I can pick my nose all the time – all I want.”
No Teeth: “You should stop doing that. What if you wipe it on the seat and I have to sit there?”
Eye Patch: “Well maybe you should stop what you’re doing lady. Maybe you should repent for your sins and accept Jesus Christ as your Lord!”
No Teeth: “I don’t want no part of your Lord, picking his nose. My Lord don’t pick his nose.”
Eye Patch: “Lady, you wash your cups and ceremonial bowls but inside you are full of filth and dead bodies.”
No Teeth: “Quit picking your nose.”
Eye Patch: “I can pick my nose all I want, in Jesus’ name. In Jesus’ name, lady”

And, unfortunately, his stop arrived. On the way out he shouted “Don’t get caught dead without Jesus.”

There is nothing more I can say about this. Just passing along what you may have missed by driving.

8 thoughts on “You Can Pick Your Friends”

  1. On lightrail at around 7:30 one evening after working late (that’s the best time to ride if you are looking for entertainment) I had the pleasure of sitting across from a gentleman who was interviewing one of our fellow riders.

    I learned that:

    This woman was actually a victim of 9/11 who had BILLION$ in the bank won in a settlement from the Government.

    The government was trying to shut her down because she was the only one who knew that Osama Bin Laden was actually in custody.

    She was also responsible for capturing Saddam Hussein in a chase that culminated in a swordfight in front of the White House.

    She cut Saddam’s leg off in the swordfight.

    US doctors reattached Saddam’s leg.

    I thought that the interviewer was crazy too (judging a book by its cover) until he winked at me after the swordfight story.

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  6. As far as I know the Bible is silent on pirates. But I do have to agree that it seems a little blasphemous to pick your nose in the name of the lord.

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