To the woman at the post office

Yesterday morning I stopped by the post office on Arden Way. I had to pick up a package which meant going inside and waiting in line. It was 8:35 a.m. which I thought would be early enough to avoid the crowds. As it turned out, they *offer new hours*: 9 a.m. to 6 p.m., Mon – Fri. So I decided to wait. Like every red blooded American I pulled out my handheld and started pretending to be super into something in an effort to avoid social interaction of any kind.

The “waiting area” began to fill with all sorts of Sacramentans eager to get some mailin’ done. We could all see the employees inside the office fussing about preparing to open. “You are right there, what’s the hold up? OPEN already!” a man uttered breaking the silence.

Continue reading “To the woman at the post office”

Local coffee? Sure, I’ll have some with my local breadfruit.

Overheard today: “Sorry, we don’t have an espresso machine, but all of our coffees are local.”

Really? I wasn’t aware that any coffee plantations had opened up near the causeway. What I think the young madame meant was that the coffee was roasted locally, probably from Temple or Old Soul, the former being nice, the latter being just one step up from industrial solvent. Of course, she might have meant that it was brewed locally, like right behind her on the counter, in the “local” coffee machine. Either way, I don’t think either really jives with the whole “eat local” campaign.

I opted for fizzy water.

Geraldo to speak at State Capitol

On May 8, award winning journalist and pop culture icon Geraldo Rivera will be the featured guest at the California Latino Caucus Speaker Series. He will be discussing his new book “His Panic – Why Americans Fear Hispanics in the US”. The first 100 to RSVP will receive a free copy of the book, which will also be available for sale and for autographs after his lecture. Anyone wishing to attend should RSVP to the office of Senator Gil Cedillo at 651-4022. The event will take place at the State Capitol from 11:30 -12:30.

Sources to the SacRag have uncovered a number of shocking rumors about Geraldo’s additional plans for his visit.

Continue reading “Geraldo to speak at State Capitol”

Morning conversation

Actual conversation I had this morning while waiting for a bus by the Downtown Plaza:

SCENE: Downtown plaza. COOLDMZ, casually dressed and devestatingly handsome, is approached by normal seeming early 20s YOUNG MAN.

YOUNG MAN: (Looking at the cloudless sky) Beautiful day.
COOLDMZ: Yeah… Bit chilly, but nice. It’s going to be in the 60s today.
YOUNG MAN: Yeah, it’s nice. (Beat.) So, what do you think of this North American Union they’re gonna do?
COOLDMZ: The what now?
Continue reading “Morning conversation”

Celebrity Freakout!

And you thought LA had all of the fun? No, folks, Sacramento is home to our own Maury-worthy celebrity tantrums.

According to witnesses at Mason’s, local b-lister Ola Ray had a rough time the other night. For those of you who are unfamiliar with her, Ola Ray is most well known as “the girl in the Thriller video”, which just celebrated its 25th anniversary. She was also Playboy’s PotM in June, 1980.

Ola Ray and her companion were entering the restaurant when a fan recognized her and asked for a photo. Ola posed for a picture. Then, for unknown reasons, Ola went ballistic on the photographer, screaming the b-list celebrity catch phrase “Don’t you know who I am!?!?!”

When the police arrived, things reportedly got even worse. One officer attempted an arrest on Ola and received a punch square in the face. Her companion reportedly assaulted another officer and was taken down while attempting to pull the officer’s firearm from his holster.

Good to know that Mason’s/The Park continues to be Sacramento’s celebrity central.

Let’s get physical, physical

That’s the song the obnoxious person was singing at El Palmar about 15 minutes ago.

Even a regular margarita, chased by a banana margarita, did not lessen my annoyance for said person with the booming voice across the room. Not that I expect El Palmar to be a quiet haven, nor have I never not been on the receiving end of a public shushing, but where do we draw the line? Continue reading “Let’s get physical, physical”

More layoffs announced…sort of reports that Intel will lay off 159 workers from its Folsom campus over the next several months. 117 of those workers will come from Intel’s information technology department, which handles the company’s internal network operations.

In a letter to Folsom and Sacramento County officials yesterday, Intel said the company has informed some of the workers, but most of the cuts will come October 26th.

Uh, some of the workers?

If you’re in IT…and work for Intel…in Folsom, CA…I’d suggest not coming in on the 26th of October. Or the 27th, or the 28th…the 29th isn’t look good either. Because, you know, they can’t fire you if they can’t find you. It worked for Peter in Office Space, right?

Also…and you didn’t hear this from me…but doesn’t IT oversee computers? And the network and overall communication tools? I know I’d be very “distracted” if my network experienced some major downtime…

You Can Pick Your Friends

But you can’t pick your nose on the bus, evidently. Not that I’ve tried. Not that I’ve ever considered the question, frankly. On the Sacramento RT there’s always a common assortment of entertaining people – the teenager on her cell phone and the guy rambling about Noam Chomsky and how President Bush is the devil (oh, wait, that might be the president of Venezuela). But sometimes you hit the RT jackpot and get something really different and special. Like last night. My first clue that something good was afoot was that a man wearing an eye patch that actually had a skull & crossbones on it sat down next to a lady with barely any teeth. As we all settled in comfortably for the ride up J Street, she starting shouting at him “Sir, could you please not pick your nose on the bus? That’s very rude.” What followed was so good I had to take notes in the back of my book:
Continue reading “You Can Pick Your Friends”

Hecka Culture and the Devil

Actual conversation overheard by me at McKinley Park after work:

Girl One: I want to go somewhere different this year though.
Girl Two: Yeah. Not like somewhere hecka touristy either.
Girl One: I know. I want to go somewhere with like hecka museums and hecka restaurants and, just like…
Girl Two: Hecka culture.
Girl One: Yeah. But definitely not like hecka tourists though.
Girl Two: Maybe like Greece or something.

The next day at the farmer’s market I saw a dude wearing a T-shirt that said, “THE DEVIL IS A PIMP. DON’T BE HIS HO.” Now, I ask you: is there not hecka culture right here in Sacramento? And not even hecka tourists either?

Public Transit Tip

To the guy ranting and raving on outbound bus 34 at 6:45 last night, just an FYI: to use public transit you have to go to a designated transit stop and wait for it to come to you more or less on schedule. That’s how it works. Apparantly this dude felt differently, because he chased the bus to a stop only after attempting to flag it down at a random point. When he finally got on he proceeded to scream at the driver for about 5 stops about how he couldn’t believe she didn’t stop the bus mid-road at his beck and call. It’s not a cab, dude. It’s the bus. He then progressed to screaming generally, “I CAN’T BE IN THE SUN! I CAN’T BE IN THE SUN!” Understood. The heat is making me crazy too. May I suggest a hat or some SPF. Or perhaps private transport. Lastly, he resorted to screaming over and over, “You are a jerk!” Kudos for refraining from outright vulgarity. Nevertheless, sir, have you considered that perhaps it is you who is the jerk? P.S. to the couple making out in the seat next to me, RIGHT AWN! That was better than free cable.