Citizens of the Sacragosphere:
Police are requesting your help! Authorities are looking for the person, place or thing that may or may not have robbed what could have been a bank somewhere within our area. Witnesses say they saw what could have been something. Be on the look out for a man or woman, with blonde hair or maybe a wig, wearing a black jacket and pink dress unless they are wearing something different today.
Be vigilant, if you wish.
Sac Rag News. We report. You figure it out.