You Go J’Beily!

You heard it here first

Center High School head football coach Digol J’Beily got his job back Friday morning following a month of turmoil at the Antelope school. (Sac Bee)

Let’s all congratulate ourselves on raising enough muck with our one post with one comment, read by about 60 people, that actions were taken! First you get the highschool coaches reinstated, then you get the money, then you get the weeemen.

One last point about this story… As far as I can tell, the only thing that Center High is near the center of is a straight line drawn between Lake Tahoe and Lake Hennessey in Sonoma County. But that doesn’t help anybody.

Sacramento’s Mean Streets

As if you didn’t know.

A recent study by Allstate Insurance of their auto claims has come to the conclusion that Sacramento drivers are among the nation’s worst. If you live here (yes yes, “you’ll know…”), you can expect to be involved in an auto collision once every 7.7 years.

Worry not, incompetent ones! The good news is we’re 170th out of 191! Deal with that, the rest of you suckier 21!!

The good news for me? I was rear-ended within my first three months of moving here. This means I have 7.45 years of collision-FREE driving ahead!

Lodi Terrorist Questions

From the Sac Bee (reg required): 3 hearings set amid Lodi terror probe

Another father and son, Umer Hayat, 47, and Hamid Hayat, 22, both U.S. citizens, have been arrested on charges of lying to federal investigators about the son’s alleged activities in an al-Qaida training camp in Pakistan.

First of all, I’m very sorry I ever thought that Martha Stewart got a raw deal for the sole crime of lying to federal investigators. Now I think she needs to be back in the system. Let’s get her in the pokey again, see if she’s ever been to Pakistan.

Second, what kind of plausible lie is there about your activities in an al Qaida training camp? “Yes, I was there, but strictly in craft services. I mean, I was in the room when they were doing the monkey bars and shooting at effigies of the President, but I was heating up a tray of short ribs at the time.”

Illegal Valet Scandal?

The CoolDMZ clan lives in up-and-coming Tahoe Park, and often when traveling from midtown to home we utilize the crazy left-turn-right-turn 39th street thruway that lets out at the Coke bottling plant on Stockton. Last night, while trying to get home for an early dinner, we ran into stopped traffic right at the corner of Folsom and 39th. The source of the slowdown? Valet parking at a private residence on the corner! Outrage! Hatred! Villagers, take up your burning sticks!