Juvenile Courthouse a Regular Fun Factory

According to The KCRA Channel, the new state-of-the art courthouse that will serve violent underage offenders is not only going to see that they are convicted and sent to prison, but also it’s going to turn their lives around with the judicious use of words of wisdom inscribed on the floor.

Before juvenile delinquents ever hear a word from presiding Judge Kenneth Peterson, they will see the advice of children who’ve been there before them — respect yourself, don’t do drugs, inspire your intelligence.

Err, maybe don’t pay attention to that last one. That confused my intelligence. The web story is not half as hilarious as last night’s reporting on the TV, which was introduced with a perky smile by Edie Lambert and followed directly by a story about a horrible prison riot at San Quentin. So, you know, the kids can inspire their intelligence maybe and not end up there.

Local university suffers “hurt” reputation

Was really disturbed when I came across this article today. Apparently CSU, Chico is not just the esteemed institution of higher learning that we all thought it was. There has been a “series of alcohol-related incidents” recently that has the college very concerned.

This breaking news may lead you to worry about your youngster wanting to apply to Chico. Fear not concerned parent, they have an online alcohol abuse prevention course that your freshman will be required to take. Pheewww, that was a close one.

Say goodbye to Little Lucky’s

Via the Bee’s Anita Creamer, I have just learned that Albertson’s is going to close up its small store on 48th and J street in East Sac, always and forever known to loyal fans of the dingy throwback market as “Little Lucky’s.”

I invite our readers to comment on the passing of this institution my posting their memories of Little Lucky’s in the comments box. (I wish I had done the blogging thing back when they closed Frankie’s Pharmacy!) My own fondest memory of Little Lucky’s is that I once pilfered a gumball from the candy display there, and then a week later showed up looking for a job. Ah, nostalgia. Ah, youthful pilfering. I vow to return that gumball, or more likely its monetary equivalent (adjusted for 2005 dollars) to the store before it closes next week.

(By the way, I did eventually work a summer at Albertson’s, the big one on Folsom, and it was the absolute worst job I have ever had. More on that sometime.)

King and Queen of River City news call it quits

The local version of Maury and Connie, KCRA’s Dave Walker and Lois Hart are stepping down from the 11 p.m. news later this year. Dave and Lois are definitely my favorite local broadcasting team (can you say, If you don’t like that, you don’t like local sports radio idiots?) and will be sorely missed in the CoolDMZ household, where the flirtatious “active adult” couple was a heartwarming part of the nightly local news gathering ritual. Although at their age, it was pretty obvious that most nights they needed to be in bed by 11.

They will be replaced at 11 by Edie Lambert and John Alston, who are competent newspeople but will have the chemistry of a pair of candlesticks. What good is hokey local news (lokey news? hokal news?) without a cute old married couple telling you about the Asparagus Festival?

Beeing Sacramentan

After reading CoolDMZ’s post on the Fourth of July activities in the River City I had to step in with an observation that was truly enlightening. DMZ links to an article on sacbee.com that is simply a must read. If you haven’t already created a dummy log in to the sacbee.com, please do so immediately. For if you have ever wondered what makes Sacramento tick or why we suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous disrespect you won’t after sifting through this little nugget of Sacramentocana.

Many thanks to you, Andrew McIntosh, for holding up both the mirror and the bed pan.

Mudwrestling, but not that kind

I used to think that Sacramentans’ propensity to getting drunk on the river without bothering to learn to swim, leading to what I can only assume is a higher than average number of annual drunken idiot drowning deaths, would lead to the lessening of Sacramento’s role in the future gene pool.

Now I think that’s a good thing:

Muddy river brawls erupt

30 revelers are arrested – part of ‘a sea of drunken humanity’ along the American River.

law enforcement officials spent much of the day trying to maintain order at a tiny island in the middle of the river, a remote spot north of Rancho Cordova’s Hagan Community Park. Authorities dubbed it “Gilligan’s Island,” but revelers called it “Fighters Island.”

Nothing describes Sacramento’s beer-bloated dogpile of fleshblobs better than a “sea of drunken humanity,” though I would have used the more apt term “semi-humanity.”

Most people made the rafting journey without incident, as three helicopters from the California Highway Patrol, Sacramento County Sheriff’s Department and Sacramento Metropolitan Fire District flew above to ensure public safety.

The more public safety resources that are diverted to make sure the throngs of wastoid drowning pre-victims arrive safely, the fewer of those resources are availabe later that night when said wastoids are lighting bottle rockets over the fence from my house. Read it all, if you dare. (Sac Bee, RR)

Stylish midtown robber strikes

Next time somebody tries to tell you Sacto is an uncool “cow town,” point out to them that even our common criminals have hip urban style:

Midtown Robber Targets Women
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — A series of armed robberies in downtown and midtown Sacramento has put women on alert. …

The victims stated that the man was relatively clean-cut and well dressed.

The man was described during one of the crimes as wearing a yellow, blue and white striped shirt with clear “J -Lo”-style sunglasses and blue jeans. (via KCRA)

Sure, this makes me feel good about the status of fashion sense among my city’s street crime, but am I supposed to keep tabs on J-Lo’s fashion line in order to help maintain justice on the streets? “Oh that guy running away with that lady’s purse might be a criminal, but those are clearly Cherokee brand shades from Target he’s wearing! How common!”

Charity puts stakes down

From the Sac Bee (RR):

Looking to secure its foothold and financial security, the homeless services charity [Loaves & Fishes] recently bought about two-thirds of an acre of adjacent property. …

Loaves & Fishes also hopes to improve services and the entire neighborhood by building nicer facilities that are less spread out.

Business and property owners are concerned, said Connie Miottel, executive director of Capitol Station District, a property owners association.

I understand property owners close enough to be affected by the “clients” of Loaves & Fishes being a little troubled by this expansion. But come on, if you live that close to Loaves & Fishes, isn’t this just going to mean more transients at a local charity and fewer on the sidewalk in front of your house?

You know, there is a giant ball of flaming gas in the sky that’s just begging to be used for something, and plus it’s like hundreds of miles away. Can’t we just “grow” our homeless charities out there?

Stockton Blvd. beautification going strong

The City has installed islands on the portion of Stockton Blvd. between Broadway and 14th Ave, which is right by Tahoe Park, the CoolDMZ clan’s whereabouts. And just yesterday they planted some small palm trees, which is super classy. Picture to follow when I get my act together about posting photos.

Now the prostitutes that troll along that stretch of Stockton Blvd. can imagine they are walking the sandy beaches of Tahiti!

Sacto-wood. Hollytomato. La-La-Riviera Land?

How cool!

Hooks and Taylor Entertainment operation is now shooting a horror movie, in the Delta town of Hood, of all places…. Taylor and company have transformed a former pear canning plant into a top-flight sound stage. Sets throughout the building represent a mansion living room, a bedroom, a kitchen.

Granted, the movie sounds pretty errrgh, but I’m still rather inexplicably stoked about this. Part of it probably is that I loves me some Delta, with the mandatory CCR on the radio, criss-crossing the drawbridges and stopping for soda pop at a roadside market. I am not optimistic that Sacto will become the new Hollywood, but am I gonna want to rent this movie more because it’s homegrown than I would if it were just mixed in with the other horror movies at my local Hollywood video? Okay, probably not. But hey, kudos to local artists!