French authorities in Bordeaux are now confirming that the death of John McCrea of the band Cake was no accident, but a gang-style slaying over disputed pastry turf.
Earlier today, the SacRag broke the story of McCrea’s death and the injury of fellow band member Vince DiFiore. We have received word that the French have classified this crime as a murder and are still in search of the suspect. DiFiore has been reported in stable condition but has undergone surgery to remove a vibraslap from his chest that impaled him with monster truck force. Other band members were not injured in the incident, although guitarist Xan McCurdy reports that shortly after the accident, some underage girls stole his beer.
A police sketch of the suspect (pictured above) has been leaked exclusively to the SacRag. French authorities have not gone public with this investigation as they do not want to panic the extensive and influential pastry industry that rules organized crime syndicates throughout the country. Police report to be using bloodhounds to track his distinctive and delicious scent.