Inspired by a recent post on Vanilla Garlic, I found myself hunting through the files for an old review I did of Zokku under the nom-de-plume of “Hungry G.”Â Hungry G, you see, was Russian immigrant who really knew how to party and was looking for a good time come hell or high water.Â Â I didÂ a few reviews written as Hungry G that were to be posted on a local party-goers website, but none were ever published.Â So here, in its entirety is Hungry G’s take on Zokku.
Sushi, Rock, Mayo
419 J Street
Food * Service *** Talent**
It was Tuesday.Â Yuri, Sergei and I were in the mood for Sushi.Â Yuri wanted to go to Mikuni.Â Yuri always wants to go to Mikuni.Â Yuri does not have an adventuresome palate.Â I told him we were going to Zokku because they believe in Sushi, Rock & Life and advertise on the sides of buses.Â
We hit the spot around 8pm, valet parked the Metro and headed inside.Â It was not bumpin’.Â Sure, it was a Tuesday, but if you believe that strongly in Sushi, Rock & Life, there should be no night of the week when you slow down.Â We sat at the bar and ordered up plenty of sushi and appetizers.Â Sergei tried to get the digits of the hostess who was blonde and Asian.Â Sergei likes the blonde Asians.
First up, I insisted that we get the BBQ Albacore, because I love the BBQ Albacore at Fro’s.Â Sergei loves Fro’s because they have a blonde Asian hostess too.Â Zokku’s albacore did not compare to Fro’s.Â It did, however, compare to Auntie Irina’s charcoal lute fish which can be used as a home heating device or act as a filter for your cheaper brands of vodka.Â We were not pleased.Â We asked the bartender who was neither blonde nor Asian where all the peeps was at.Â She said that we need to come back on the weekend when their club upstairs was Ã¢â‚¬Å“off the hook.Ã¢â‚¬ÂÂ I asked her how off the hook it was.Â She said, Ã¢â‚¬Å“Way off the hook.Ã¢â‚¬ÂÂ I held my hands about a foot apart and said, Ã¢â‚¬Å“Is it this far off the hook?Ã¢â‚¬ÂÂ She said it was even farther off the hook than that.Â I told her that that was pretty damn far off the hook.
Then our sushi came.Â Each roll was either deep-fried, filled with cream cheese, or covered in mayonnaise.Â Now, the Hungry G is not one to turn up his nose at mayonnaise.Â He loves the mayonnaise.Â He just doesn’t love tons of mayonnaise on his sushi.Â
By the time we were done, I felt a little sick.Â But, Sergei wants to go back on Friday and get that hostess’ digits.Â Yuri bitched all night that we should have gone to Mikuni. I felt too nasty to blow up my lady Svetlana and see her after her shift at L’Amour Shoppe was over.Â I was in bed by 10pm and felt like I’d wasted a perfectly rockin’ Tuesday night.Â Check out these other places for better sushi any day of the week:
1530 J St
Food**** Service*** Talent****
The sushi is fantastic, the wait is always long, and the party is always going.
1501 16th St
Food*** Service** Talent**
Sushi is very good; service is ok; nice stumbling distance from Simon’s/Luna’s/Empire.