In the Sacramento area, people who hate Christmas hit ones of Nativity displays every year. What are they after? Baby Jesus, of course:
Baby Jesus was stolen from the nativity scene of an Orangevale family’s front yard.
The family did not notice that Jesus was missing right away because the thieves left everything else, the manger, Joseph and Mary.
The family was not just robbed of a figurine, they were robbed of a tradition.
Don’t be another “The family”. Introducing the CHRIST CHLUB! Lock down your Baby Jesus in this festively decorated kevlar-coated security lock, now available in Rudolf Red! Guaranteed indestructible and tamper proof. This tasteful anti-theft device has been designed with your Nativity scene’s – and your family’s – security in mind.
Don’t let those Grinches steal your Christmas! Secure your Baby Jesus with the CHRIST CHLUB, and save Christmas. Yes, little Timmy, it is Christmas time in Sacramento again.
The Sac Rag 
Maybe THAT’S what the Virgin Mary was crying about.
But, seriously, how does this make the news? Oh, it only made cbs13.com…carry on.
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They’ll just cut through little baby jeasus’ arms with a hacksaw, take him, and glue the arms on later (usually in an obcsene way). Sad world indeed. Better to put a Quaran in the manger, since there’ll be 1 billion rampaging muslims screaming for the head of the infidel/defiler who stole a Quaran.
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Now, wouldn’t it be great if this stolen baby Jesus turns up on another person’s front yard Nativity scene? Like some kid’s massive cover-up scheme to keep from getting in trouble for accidentally throwing away his family’s Jesus last year?
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There was a similar incident in Orangevale a few years back, only the perpetrators left a half-eaten taco in the manger, sometimes referred to as “El Milagro de la Taco Jesus de Orangevale.”
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Who came to the conclusion that the baby Jesus was stolen? Maybe he just got up and left. I sure as hell would not want to sleep in somebody’s front yard 24/7 either.
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“Dear little baby Jesus, who’s sittin’ in his crib watchin the Baby Einstein videos, learnin’ ’bout shapes and colors. I would like to thank you for bringin’ me and my mama together, and also that my kids no longer sound like retarded gang-bangers.â€Â
–Ricky Bobby
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amber alert! amber alert!
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this just in: looks like the baby jesus has been returned and all is well. thank….jesus?
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