God hates everybody, especially YOU

Westboro Baptist Church - intelligent and fierce!
Guess who’s coming to town? That’s right, the Westboro Baptist Church, an internationally recognized hate group that has been banned by the United Kingdom, will be coming to Sacramento to remind us that we are all sinners doomed to hell. Why? We are all Satan worshipers for following religions such as Judaism, Catholicism or Islam, and America is being punished by God because we embrace homosexuality. They have appeared at the funerals of American soldiers, college students, Michael Jackson, Mr. Rogers, and Jerry Falwell, informing their families, loved ones and the world that the deceased was currently burning in hell for all eternity, and you are next, Satanist!

This Friday they are coming for you.


You, sinners of Sacramento, you are all doomed for the following egregious sins, as condensed from their ranting travel schedule. I must admit, I am impressed that they are able to address such a wide variety of concerns on their tour of Sacramento.

FRIDAY
1:10-1:40pm – Celebrate the downfall of California for worshiping false gods at the California State Capitol. Jesus will show the truth to your filthy, feces-crusted faces and you will drink from the cup of God’s wrath.
2:05 – 2:35pm – Inform the members of U.C. Davis Hillel that they are the evil perverted children of Satan. America is doomed, your children are doomed and attractive to the she-bear.
3:00 – 3:30pm – Educate the students of Rosemont High School on the identity of the Anti-Christ. Hint: He was born in Africa and has usurped America with his forked tongue and magic ways. God has doomed America and we called it, ha!
3:15 – 3:45pm – Warn the students of McClatchy High School of Satan’s sin peddlers in their public schools who have fallen under the spell of gaysmut kingpin Kevin Jennings. He and his pimp Obama will sodomize you.
4:00 – 4:30pm – Expose the Jewish Federation of Sacramento for the Christ killing Confederation of Satanists they truly are! You deny the Lord and His prophets in the face of blood, fire and the vapor of smoke. Repent and you can hang out in heaven with us after the rapture.
4:45 – 5:15pm – Mock the Beth Yeshua Messianic Congregation for being confused and disguising themselves as Christians to infiltrate the Lord’s community. God will smite the Earth with a curse for allowing stupid, evil hypocritical Jews to live. From what I gather, this is a Congregation of Jews who have accepted Jesus as the fulfillment of the prophesies that the Son of God will return. I thought that’s what the protesters wanted, what’s the deal?
5:30 – 6:00pm – Alert the students of Chabad Hebrew School that California’s earthquakes are the result of God’s fierce anger and that they are to blame for living in the same town that hosts the “Folsom S&M Street Fair” (I think they are confusing the City of Folsom and their street fairs with San Francisco’s “Folsom Street Fair“). God will kick your dirty butts into Folsom Lake. Obama is coming for you and you are doomed.
7:15 – 8:00pm – Tell Sacramento Community Theater that Rent sucks. Theater is for uptight whitebread rich fools and imagination only leads to dishonoring your body with lusts. You are liars, Obama will take everything from you, forcing you to eat your own babies. You are filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness, you are full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, and malignity. You are whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, spiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, without understanding, covenant breakers, without natural affection, implacable, and unmerciful.

FRIDAY
8:30 – 9:00AM – Disturb Sabbath at Congregation B’Nai Israel for being faithless Jews and for acting Satanic (wait, I thought Jews were Satanic). You are faithless, naughty, nasty and rotting figs left on the tree as fodder for Obama’s reaper.
8:30 – 9:00AM – Degrade the celebrants at Kenneset Israel Torah Center for misinterpreting the Torah, like James, and if they were not stupid, they would see that the Torah contains the messages that Obama is the Anti-Christ, and Obama hates you.
9:30 – 10:00AM – Accuse the Chabad of Davis of being rebellious lying money worshipers. You will be destroyed by Obama and his army like the horribly, filthy, rancid, bad figs that you are. Judgment will come and everyman will sit under his fig vine and the good figs will come to their inheritance.

Edit: Holy crap on a cracker, they have songs, such as “50 Ways to Eat Your Baby” “Hey Jews” and “Come Together, Good Figs”.

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24 thoughts on “God hates everybody, especially YOU”

  1. Between this and the half assed already disproven story that Joe Quarterback’s mom is peddling for Focus on the Family during the Superbowl I’ve had enough. All these people need their own island to live and hate amongst themselves. And yes, I am a little fired up on this topic. 🙂

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  2. On the other hand, I think this pretty much dispels the notion that Sacramento cannot attract top touring acts without a new downtown arena….

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  3. Hmm. I’m thinking of doing a counter-protest, similar to what some gays have been doing with these people who hold up signs saying homosexuality is a sin.

    Maybe create a sign that says “Ban Children in Short Pants”? Or “Bad haircuts are a sin”?

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  4. Only if we could ignore them. But that damn channel 13 would break the deal with wall to wall coverage, including an up to the minute cyber discussion of the events. Thank god for the internet where you can complain about vaguely related stuff. You ever notice how Ch. 13 almost wants fires to get bigger, or for street flooding to turn in to “flood damage 2010”? God I know that channel will give this group way too much attention.

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  5. umm… is there any organized protest to thier protest? I actually have nothing to do on friday… at the least, I am going to go take pictures… MJ

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  6. I wonder what the point of counter-protest would be. To me, counter-protests are to demonstrate to the community that we will not tolerate a certain behavior, which is fine if anyone took these people seriously. Calling them retarded is an insult to the retarded. Does a counter-protest legitimize their existence?

    These people are beyond idiocy and, in the grand scheme of things, unimportant. They are a couple of dozen wackos from Kansas who only exist in the media and because of the media. The only thing that really concerns me about them is the proclivity of their children to grow up to become flaming idiots by following in their parents’ footsteps.

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  7. What wrong with the Marines playing leapfrog? Sounds like great exersize!

    The best counter protests are to infiltrate with even more bizzare signs. “God hates Protest Signs” … or misspell “Bush” or “Obama” in the signs…

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  8. http://www.fox40.com/news/headlines/ktxl-news-write2-hatechurch0201,0,5215644.story

    A little bird told me that there’s supposed to be an informal counterprotest at the Community Theater when “Rent” opens Friday night, and another one planned at UC Davis. Also Assembly rep Craig DeLuz (who also supports the teabagger party) is holding a counterprotest on Saturday, “the Jewish Sabbath,” location unannounced as of yet. Which is dumb: what is the fun of holding a counterprotest if you can’t confront your foes?

    I’m still thinking about going to one of them, though I may have to drag along friends from New York who think Sacramento is a West Coast Des Moines. This oughta show them. Or not.

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  9. You ever just not get the point? I am not the kind of person who looks for reason in acts of violence, or terrorism. I tend to understand crazy, and can accept it for what it is. The KKK, and the radical hate side of the Black Panthers makes sense to me. But this group is just moronic. I don’t even see how they could make money in this dance. If the local news media really wanted to be a part of our community, they would ignore this story. Unless they are caught with weapons it is not news worthy.

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  10. re: sundog’s Fox40 link… obviously these are “Crazy religious people” but should a legitimate news organization embed a YouTube video that calls them that?

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  11. I just can’t believe they are protesting children at those high schools. Protesting adults expressing their speech is one thing, but protesting against children turns my stomach.

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  12. so how did it go? Was anybody there?

    Was there really a counter-protest, or was the birdy misinformed?

    Did Turty Squip infiltrate the group with his “God Hates Irony” sign?

    I gotta know!

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  13. They never showed, the Westboroites, I mean. Snowmageddon in the Midwest canceled their flight to Sacramento. Which oughta be a sign to them that God doesn’t like them very much….

    There was a counterprotest at the Capitol, but I think there were more photographers and news media than there were protesters. And signs made from corrugated cardboard and Sharpee markers? Come on, Sacramento! It looked like someone went behind Safeway at the last moment and stole some cut-up boxes from the recycling bin.

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  14. Nick— as Evil Rob puts it, they are essentially a litigation factory. They make money by trying to be offensive enough to get punched in the face, then they sue.

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  15. I spotted a small handful of pathetic, brainwashed folks from Westboro today at the corner of Capitol and 21st. At this moment, they are making their way to the State Capitol to condemn our elected officials for something or other. Hold on, let me check why….. Our government has turned our nation whole heartedly to the fags, which will result in fire, earthquakes and mudslides.

    You have been warned.

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