Go Manteca, it’s ya birthday

News10.net reports of a stolen car in Manteca. Big deal, right? Ok, so the car was a rare Ford GT that retails for $160,000. Still, it happens, no big. Read on…

That wasn’t all. Waterford said that in order to start the GT, the thieves found the battery charger and jumped it. They pushed a Mustang belonging to rapper 50 Cent out of the way and from the damage that was caused, probably fished-tailed the GT out the showroom’s double doors.

Hey, Manteca, rapper 50 Cent parks his Mustang on a showroom floor in your town, get that news to the chamber of commerce! Give those waterslides a run for their money. And while you’re at it, your town has sold 5 of the only 500 GT’s made each year. That’s….one second, 500 divided by 5, oh wait, 5 divided by 500, no 5 times 500…a decent amount of fancy cars sold in an otherwise small town. Well done.

A lifetime of six dollar burgers.

How’s this for poetic justice?

The parent company of Carl’s Jr. burger chains agreed to pay $255,000 to settle claims that a shift manager at an Elk Grove restaurant used racial epithets, told co-workers he had “white pride” and flashed white power signs while on the job, the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission announced Wednesday.

What led to this huge payout by the company to their former employee?

Two weeks after submitting the petition, Galloway was fired, allegedly for eating food without paying for it, Ehrlich said. She also received a death threat on her answering machine and, without a job, was left homeless, according to her attorney, Michael Nkosi.

I just love the sequence of events in this case, that results in Carl’s Jr. settling for $100,000 with the woman and another $155,000 with other employees. Was that alleged stolen six dollar burger worth it, Carl Jr.?

Head for the hills!

The Sac Bee has an interesting article today on projections by the City and County of Sacramento of potential floods that might occur given different scenarios of failing levees. This article comes complete with maps of how deep you can expect the flood waters to reach in your area, as well as evacuation routes.

Of particular interest was this bit in the article:

Generally, you will not need to drive for hours to be safe if a levee fails. You only need to get to high ground. Good areas to aim for: Carmichael, Citrus Heights, Folsom, Davis and cities along the I-80 corridor such as Rocklin and Auburn. In general, going north on I-5 or Highway 99 is not advised because of low spots. Heading south on Highway 99 is also iffy because it can flood.

So basically, if you live south of Highway 50, you’re screwed.

Emptied out pockets!

Where to begin, where to begin. News10.net “reports” that gunmen robbed moviegoers at the Century Theaters at Ethan Way and Arden Way early this morning.

They were talking all kinds of crap, and pretty much robbed us and took our money and scared the living daylights out of everybody.

The following is a game I like to play called “Choose your own snark” which is “pretty much” self explanatory…here goes:

Pretty much robbed? You mean like how the Century Theater “pretty much robbed” you of $6.50 to see another Reese Witherspoon movie?

Pretty much robbed? Like the way the local job market “pretty much robbed” you of the opportunity to work on a weekday morning rather than go see a movie?

Turns out the robbers fled in a vehicle, but none of the victims got a good look at it or the direction in which it turned once it left the parking lot which is totally understandable considering where this theater is.

They are most likely just looping back around to the front of CompUSA by now cursing themselves wondering why they didn’t just rob the theater off Greenback.

UPDATE: Leave it to News10.net to leave out important facts about this crime. Over at KCRA.com I learned that the crime “…happened about 12:45 a.m. as the last showing was letting out…” which makes more sense than an early morning crime (I’ve always considered midnight to 4am as “late last night” and 4:01am to 7:00am as “early this morning” but that’s just me).

Casino Gunman Finds Loophole

So it turns out the gunman that injured two sheriff’s deputies at a Lake Tahoe casino on Saturday showed suicidal tendencies and bought firearms at a local dealer just hours before the shooting.

A 1993 gun control law known as the Brady Bill prohibits the sale of handguns to felons and requires a waiting period and licensing on their purchase. But the law does not apply to antiques.

I guess that proves the old saying: “Guns don’t kill people, antique guns purchased through loopholes in gun control laws kill people.”

Homeless for a day

Did anybody else catch the KCRA story on the Jesuit boys camping out in Friendship park last night to learn how homeless people live? No, not helping the homeless people, just pretending to be homeless for 24 hours. Because otherwise, how are we supposed to know if living on the street in the rain with no money is all it’s cracked up to be?

Full disclosure: I’m a Jesuit grad (what up ’94!), so I am not going to deal in generalities here. This situation is more about this specifics: you needed to see the report to get the full flavor. From Leticia Ordaz calling spending a night in the rain because you’re homeless “roughing it,” to the concept of needing to play homeless to understand what it might be like, to film crews taping sleeping homeless people, this KCRA piece did not depict Catholic charity at its finest.

Bye Bye Brillhart

Just last night I noticed the former site of East Sac stalwart Brillhart Shell, next to Corti Bros on Folsom, is now the location of an empty lot. Sorry, no pictures yet. Does this mean an empty lot for the next 20 years, as it so often does when a gas station is demolished? (It’s been so long I can’t even remember clearly, but I think that’s why the prime location on the northwest corner of 37th and Folsom is still vacant.) Or will it mean more parking for Corti Brothers, because that would be great. I won’t have to wait for parking before going in to be ridiculed for not ordering a sandwich in the correct manner.

omigodtheskyisfalling

breaking-news.jpg

Thanks all you bastions of local news, for reminding us repeatedly today (like, every 15 minutes) that today is one of the busiest travel days of the year (I could have linked you to a story, but really, is it necessary?).

And, I’ll let you “news teams” in on something: Sunday will be another busy one. So you can continue to embed your reporters at the airport so we can continue to get minute-by-minute updates about how busy it is over there.

To tell you the truth, oh ones with bleached teeth and plastic hair, it’s not news to most of us who are alive. But hey, we know how isolated you get in your newsrooms, and we know how you love to report the obvious. So if it’s news to you, it must be worth reporting.