Sports! Sports! Tacos! Sports!

At The Sac Rag, we don’t just bring the snark, we bring you The News You Need. Tonight, if the Sacramento River Cats win their Pacific Conference Championship Series Playoff game against the hated Tacoma Rainers, everyone in Sacramento wins a FREE taco from Jimboy’s. If that’s not a reason to catch Pacific Conference Championship fever, well then I just don’t know anything about public health scares. The taco can be consumed on Saturday. Go Cats!

Speaking of sports, The Sac Rag is now seeking a local blogger to cover prep football. From Del Oro to Sheldon, from River City to Ponderosa, local prep junkies want to know the scoop, and they want their scoop snarky. Inquire at cooldmz-at-gmail.com or through our Contact Us page.

UPDATE: 2-2 in the top of the 5th… Come on taco!!

UPDATE: Uh oh, 3 runs for Tacoma in top 6. Let’s go Cats!

UPDATE: Smell the grease… 5-4 Rainiers going into the last frame.

Bonzi Is A Fun Name To Say

The Kings got Bonzi Wells in a three-way deal. Bobby Jackson and Greg Ostertag are leaving Sacramento in the deal.

I’m sad yet relieved to see Bobby go. He couldn’t stay healthy the past few years – if he had, we might have a ring (we? Ha!). Tag? Good riddance.

I’m excited for BONZI though, mostly because Bonzi is a really fun name to say. Also, he’s a beast. We need more beasts.

And pot dealers – get ready! Business is about to go up!

Stars in Sacramento? Don’t bet on it.

George Maloof, owner of the Sacramento Kings, has suggested that the 2007 NBA All Star Game be held in his city. The city is totally digging the idea and is all up for it. League officials are quite interested in it too.

Unfortunately, Maloof’s talking about Vegas, where his family owns The Palms Casino Hotel. Sorry folks, but you didn’t seriously think he would offer up Sactown, did you?

Baseball in the River City

While watching Ron Hyde deliver the nightly sportscast on WB58 News at 10, I realized The Sac Rag would be remiss if did not pause at Major League Baseball’s All-Star break to recognize the Herculean efforts thus far of El Camino’s favorite son, Derrek Lee of the Chicago Cubs.

Oh and something about a Triple-A All Star game in town. They’re great, I get my car battery jumped every few months or so just because I figure I’m paying for it anyway.

Sacramento, I Choose You!

The NBA’s free agency period is upon us. So what’s that mean for you, the Kings fan who hopes to see a winning team next year?

It means you need to shape up your yard. We don’t want to see any weeds and Geo Metros or anything among the Gloriosa lillies and crape myrtle – we’ve got a city to sell!

If you want Kwame Brown or Udonis Haslem or even (gasp!) Samuel Dalembert to be pulling down boards for your Sacramento Kings next season, you’d better put a smile on your face and greet those nice young men when they come into town to check out the practice facility. Free drinks, free merchandise and free coconut shrimp are all we ask of you, Sacramento merchants.

And if you work at Centerfolds or Risky Business and you see a tall athletic African-American fellow sitting with a guy with a mullet, be a team player and give him some special attention. The black guy, that is. Not Petrie.

(Cross-posted at Pick&Droll: A Kings Blog.)

Thanks, Geoff Petrie. Now we’re even more confused.

You’ve heard by now that the Kings picked Louisville two-guard Francisco Garcia in Tuesday’s draft.

There were a lot of questions surrounding the Kings before, and even more now. One thing everyone has been harping on is what this means for last year’s pick, Kevin Martin, who is considered a very similar player to Garcia.

I’m more concerned with what this means for Maurice Evans, our restricted free agent. It’s nearly consensus that Mo would be great to have off the bench the next few years, and possibly as our starting two-guard at some point. But he’s not ready to start regularly this year, and neither are Martin or Garcia. And Cuttino Mobley is thisclose to officially being a free agent – one we’d have trouble affording.

So, who’s our starting shooting guard this year? We’re not getting Ray Allen or Larry Hughes or Michael Redd. Are we going to (gulp) start Bibby and Bobby? It’d be thoroughly entertaining, but we’d give up 140 points every time we played against decent guards (hello Kobe, Baron, Nash, Ray Allen and Tracy McGrady! Good to see you each four times a year!)

I think either a trade will bring us our starting shooting guard or we have a strong sense that Doug Christie will sign here cheap once/if Orlando releases him. I’m all for trades, because at this point, I’m barely eager to watch the assembled team. And Doug would be a nice fill-in and a defensive mentor for Mo (who we really should re-sign) and Francisco. Kevin, I’m afraid if I ran the team, I’d be saying it was nice knowing you.

By the way, hello SacRag readers! I’m Ziller, and I run a Kings blog called Pick&Droll. I’ll be posting both here and there, so feel free to visit both often. Often, I said.

Scary Park Encounters

Two horrifying park encounters this week:

  • Tahoe Park has two play structures, one ostensibly for kids 2-5 and one ostensibly for kids 5-99. As we approached the structure for 2-5 year olds with our own 2 year old, we noticed 2 older girls playing there. We thought they were probably 14 which means they were probably 12. Our 2 year old is really friendly and she loves “big girls” so she immediately warmed up to them. It was cute until one of them said “Awww, I want a kid.” Flee!
  • Yesterday at McKinley Park I spied 2 young gentlemen playing in the pond, which can only be described rather optimistically as a disgusting pit of filth with ducks and geese. As onlookers called to these rapscallions (“Where are your parents! There’s poison in the pond, get out of there!”) the lovely parental unit approached. Reeking of pot. And actually smoking. She declared that she was gonna go pee and that those kids better be out when she gets back. We tried to find an authority figure to notify (I’m thinking they come home with sweet ear infections, bare minimum) and then gave up when there were none except the Clunie pool lifeguards.

Center High Football Scandal

The gossip (well, news) from Antelope is that Center High’s football coach, Digol J’Beily, was fired from his post because of a vendetta from a former parent of a kid passed over for starting quarterback. Who do these trustees of Center High think they are? Did they think they were involved in Texas high school football? It’s Center High. I have lived here for 25 years and I don’t even know where Center High is. (I do, actually, but the point is still good.)

However, I would totally wear a “FREE J’BEILY” shirt. I want one of those.

Trouble Finds Smith…Again

Here at the Rag we try to take the road less travelled. Find those topics and observations that aren’t widely reported. However, from time to time we run into a story that demands commentary…or perhaps I just want to write about an article that contains the words “Whizzinator” and “Foolproof” in the same sentence. When I read this article about former Grant High star, Onterrio Smith, I just had to laugh out loud (which reminds me, can I use “lol” outside of an instant message?).

A few of my thoughts:

  • “Smith, 24, was also carrying a device called ‘The Original Whizzinator,’ which includes a fake penis, bladder and athletic supporter marketed by manufacturers as an “undetectable” and “foolproof” urinating device.” – I guess they need to rethink that “undetectable” part, huh?
  • “Smith, who also admitted to the Whizzinator’s presence in his luggage, said he was taking the materials to his cousin.” – Oh, so this isn’t YOUR fake penis? Carry on then
  • “Smith’s attorney, David Cornwell, issued a statement saying the kit was given to Smith, who put it in his bag and forgot about it.” – This is from his “attorney” mind you. Not an off the cuff comment made in haste. So let me get this straight, you forgot about the fake penis in your bag that you were taking to your brother to help him pass a drug test which you yourself have failed several times in the past?

Just think about how bad things have gotten. People are willing to strap on fake sex organs and dispense imitation urine in front of another human being rather than stop doing drugs. I say we bring back shame into our criminal justice system. You wanna wear that bad boy, Onterrio? Very well then, let’s strap it on and make a stop at grandma or auntie’s house then go visit the boys down at the local Y and get in on a pickup game.