Author: CoolDMZ

"X-ray vision to see in between / Where's my kimono and my time machine?"

Meet Muzzley!


Click to enlarge…if you dare

I was browsing at Tina’s One Stop Shop over the weekend with my daughter, and a nice and slightly-weird-but-not-scary lady bought this item for my daughter “in the spirit of the holidays.” His name is Muzzley, and in my daughter’s words he is a “freaky monkey in a leopard suit that I can’t play with” but we love him anyway. And by “love him” I mean we place him around the house to surprise each other. He was originally a marionette and was attached to a swing but that broke as soon as we got old Muzzley home. The woman who brought him into our lives vanished down the street but I hope she knows that despite his freakyness Muzzley has actually brought us a great deal of joy the last few days. It’s a regular Christmas miracle on the streets of Midtown!

By the way if the name “Tina’s One Stop Shop” doesn’t ring a bell, you may know it as that junk shop on J Street across from what used to be Taco Loco. It is one of my favorite retail establishments on the planet.

Tragedy averted at Costco

As I strolled the aisles of the Expo Ave. Costco yesterday around lunchtime, I noticed an open gun safe over in the tools area. Had I tarried a while longer I would have witnessed what must have been a pretty scary scene as an 11-year-old boy walked inside and closed the door behind himself.

The safe’s locking mechanism is battery-operated, but when store personnel tried to get the safe open, the battery was either dead or missing, leaving the boy inside, Doucette said.

My first thought was, what is the problem over there at the Costco, are they running some sort of massive faceless warehouse where every man woman and child fends for himself with no human courtesy to save us from a million opportunities for certain death? And then I remembered that this is exactly what Costco is; that, plus free samples.

Continue reading “Tragedy averted at Costco”

Sac Bee digs up the dirt on Whitman

sacbee-meg-whitman

This voter hasn’t really thought much at all about who he’ll vote for in next year’s gubernatorial race. But I am getting the feeling the Sacramento Bee has a suggestion for me. Check out the related articles in one of the articles up on sacbee.com today.

I can’t believe Meg Whitman is still in this race after being linked to the gas leak explosion that killed a Rancho Cordova man, and either the accidental death of a firefighter or the child abuse committed against that woman’s children.

(Note to any Sac Bee folks: I am not being serious. But you might want to tweak those results, lest Whitman take a break from not voting and sue you.)

KCRA news van burglary highlights growing trend of crime against KCRA

March for Marriage Equality - Sacramento
Creative Commons License photo credit: Annie&John

Normally I wouldn’t joke about the break-in of an unmarked KCRA news van earlier this month. But in this otherwise positive report about homicides being down 42% since 2008, KCRA references the burglary of its van to tie the incident to crime trends that “depen[d] on the neighborhood.” Did the crooks actually steal the vehicle, leaving KCRA able only to report on news that happens at KCRA?

I’m kidding, of course. The vehicle break-in happened in Natomas which today’s report points out is experiencing a major increase in vehicle burglaries.

How I Met Your Swisher

nick swisher
by Keith Allison, cc

Former beloved River Cat and current evil Yankee Nick Swisher has been cast as himself in the CBS sitcom “How I Met Your Mother,” entertainment blog “The Wrap” reports.

When Swisher drops by MacLaren’s bar, the women all swoon– putting a major crimp in bachelor Barney’s game.

It’s about time an episode centered on how Barney is a ladies’ man. Swisher’s episode airs February 1, 2010.

UPDATE: Rocklin beats Del Oro, wins bowl game berth

Congratulations to the Rocklin Thunder, who with their 21-14 defeat of Del Oro in the rain on Friday night secured a berth in the CIF D-II state championship bowl game on Saturday in Carson, where they’ll play Servite of Anaheim. Unfortunately they apparently lost their star quarterback to an injury at the game, so they’ll hand the ball to a plucky underclassman QB who’ll try to make his small town proud, while trying to keep the hard-livin’ fullback from going off the deep end and also taking care of his gramma. They should make a so-so movie and then a superlative primetime TV show out of this story.

In reality, though, it looks like the replacement QB was actually their starting QB at the beginning of last season, who they lost to an early season injury last year.

Continue reading “UPDATE: Rocklin beats Del Oro, wins bowl game berth”

Going high-tech to defeat the Grinch

Arden Fair
Creative Commons License photo credit: rezlab

This Sac Bee article about the annual increase in retail theft around the holidays includes some interesting details about the work that goes into pulling off a good retail thieving. Another way to describe it might be “detailed instructions for carrying out a retail theft,” including tidbits like lining a shopping bag with foil to block security devices. It also mentions the use of strollers to hide stolen merchandise. Which brings up a question: How long until Arden Fair bans strollers?

I absolutely kid Arden Fair security. People are horrible, and security folks everywhere are doing what they can to stay one step ahead of the horribleness. Things like video monitoring of every inch of the mall and monitoring the parking lot for cars that are reported as stolen. How easy is it to report somebody else’s car as stolen? Could be a fun way to “prank” your friend the next time he is planning to visit Arden Mall.**

**Do not do this.

City wins $20 million stimulus for Railyard move

Next Stop Hogwarts
Creative Commons License photo credit: Brave Heart

The City announced on Friday that it had met a December 1 deadline to get shovel-ready on the project to move and realign the tracks at Sacramento Valley Station.

I trust that even though they were “scrambling” to get it done, Kevin McCarty and the other city council members made sure to scrutinize the environmental and logistical work before proceeding with requesting taxpayer money to fund the project on behalf of Thomas Enterprises. Or is it only important to scrutinize when a private company wants to spend its own money?

Continue reading “City wins $20 million stimulus for Railyard move”

Holiday-themed employee meal: Sam’s Hof Brau


cc, by flickr user Willscrlt

My work colleagues and I had our annual holiday outing on Friday afternoon (we’re past the point where I have to make cutesy jokes about how I work at “Sac Rag World Headquarters,” right?). A few weeks ago I had been able to exert my considerable influence over the group to steer the selection process away from the standard trendy and/or awkward fare and as a result, I took my work mates to Sam’s Hof Brau.

I know our fans are familiar with sac-eats’s love of the Hof, and I second everything he says. If they’d let me purchase a dedicated booth I would scrape up the cash to do so. On this particular day the hofmeisters had cooked up some mac ‘n’ cheese, so I had a roast beef sandwich with a side of mac and a green salad. The place was packed with retirees so there was quite a queue and the joint was jumping. The banquet hall in the back was even full.

Afterward, we went bowling with the retirees. The only thing not awesome about the whole thing was how depressing it is walking past the carcasses of the Tower stores (with “Thanks for the memories” still displayed on the marquee at Tower Books). Although a pretty great Goodwill store has opened in the former location of Tower video.

Blaming the victim in North Sac hit-and-run death

objects in mirror
Creative Commons License photo credit: Robert Couse-Baker

The problem with being a self-described “advocate” is that you are often in the unfortunate position of having to advocate for your cause even when doing so ignores a more important cause. Case in point: Child’s hit-run death in North Sac spurs school safety warnings (Sac Bee)

Safety advocates sounded a grim reminder to drivers and walkers after Monday’s hit-and-run death of a 4-year-old boy outside a North Sacramento school: Drivers need to be extra cautious in school zones, and walkers need to hold on to little ones when crossing a driveway or parking lot.

Yes, obviously parents and caregivers need to keep their kids safe. But in this case we are talking about a hit-and-run driver who ran over a 4 year old boy in a crosswalk and dragged his body into the street. We’re probably not dealing with a fellow parent who forgot to slow down. I grumble as much as the next grumpy old man about lazy parents. But with a hit-and-run it should not require a Criminal Science degree to place roughly 100% of the blame squarely on the driver. If there is a time to ask questions about what the victim could have done better, it is not the very next morning.

Continue reading “Blaming the victim in North Sac hit-and-run death”