Category: News

Public Safety is Wasted on the Young

Hilarious story last night on KCRA about police action in a South Sacramento neighborhood after construction crews reported shots fired. Miguel Almaguer reported that the police response consisted of a “small army” of SWAT teams and his producers stopped short of including stock footage of Nazi storm-troopers. Miguel’s spin? As it turns out, the police resources were wasted on something as harmless as… guns being fired randomly in the direction of people. The link is considerably toned down from the broadcast version, unfortunately.

So I’m curious, Miguel. How many police officers should it take to subdue 5 armed men in their own home? One? Two? Five? I think the Sac PD would appreciate your sage advice.

They Spin!

Please to enjoy this little tidbit from News10.net regarding a murder investigation in Vacaville. While I’d love to comment on the use of the euphemism “swarthy” to describe the suspect’s complexion, what really caught my eye was this:

Two vehicles are also believed to have present at the time of the woman’s murder. Detectives are trying to locate a blue and gray two-tone mid-1990s Dodge Intrepid and a black or very dark-colored car similar to a Lexus or Nissan Altima. That car has distinctive wheels described as being 18 to 20-inches in diameter with 10 to 12-inch long teardrop-shaped spokes.

Quick, someone call X to the Z to solve this mystery! And who needs a sketch artist when you can use The Ride Pimper.

Dang Blasted Sacramentans!!!

They’re watching us. Oh, they are watching us.

People from Montana are, anyway. Check this one out. The 2005 National Youth Workers Conference is going on in Sacramento, and apparently, the meeting is out to undermine the entire Christian faith by introducing “eastern practices” into the Church. Though, isn’t the birthplace of Christianity in the “east”? How far is Jerusalem from Montana, anyway? But I digress…

She says parents and youth workers need to be aware that those who approve of putting Christian youth into this semi-conscious state “are the same people sponsoring this Youth Workers’ conference.”

Semi-conscious state? I wouldn’t worry about it too much, Montananonianites. Sacramento has that effect on everyone.

Shady Practices at Paragary’s

Cafe_Bernardo_exterior.jpg
Cafe Bernardo.
from Sacramento Lifestyle

KCRA brings us the news of a Federal harassment/discrimination suit against the Paragary’s restaurant group, which serves up the hippest chow in town at such joints as Spataro, KBar, Cafe Bernardo (where the lawsuit originated), and of course Paragary’s.

In a court document, the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission charges the Paragary Management Group with sexual harassment, saying Leticia Fernandez complained to supervisors but was ignored.

… three other Mexican women who worked at Paragary restaurants are also involved in the legal battle. The women claim that because of their race, they were not given the breaks that whites or Asians were given while at work.

Maybe Heckasac’s spaghettini was tainted with the disgusting spice of bigotry?

No word on allegations that Paragary management staff engaged in other bigoted activities, such as

  • patting a “small person” on the head
  • acting rough with a baby cow
  • refusing to seat space aliens
  • judging a book by its cover
  • making a joke about lungers

These Aren’t the Droids You’re Looking For

Stories like this just make you feel better about yourself, don’t they?

(I’ll pause as you click over and read the story…words, words, bank robbery, words, words, dye, words, red bomb…)

Ok, so what is really great about this report is the description of the suspects at the end.

The suspects are described as males in their late teens or early 20s, each about five feet seven inches tall with short, stocky builds.

That and, well, they have, like, red dye all over their hands, arms, faces, necks…

Hmm, I saw a couple of dudes going into a Cash N’ Go today with red dye on their faces, but, shoot, these guys were closer to 6 feet tall and in their late 20’s. I’ll keep looking.

Could We Have Written This One Up Any Better?

This story won’t do Sac’s reputation for driver inability any good, I reckon. And check it out, looks like KCRA is gettin’ a bit snarky themselves.

We’ve launched a snarkolution. And it has been televised.

By the way, I “accidentally” typed up this entry and hit “Publish”, and it showed up on the site! What are the odds!

Also I Lost My Porsche

I decided that crime blotters are fair game for The Sac Rag. Here is a gem from the CSUS log:

September 16
Theft – LIBRARY – A man reported that upon returning to the bike he’d locked to the bike rack at 9:30 a.m., he found that someone had opened the lock and replaced his new bike with an old bike.

The same thing happened to my car once. Oh right, like a guy as important as CoolDMZ really drove a Mazda. Come on!

Broadway? Bound!

As if there weren’t already a million cops there, Sacramento PD has announced a crackdown on speeders on Broadway. Motorists are warned to be extra vigilant while passing the Jamba Juice as chemically fortified juice is the new doughnut, don’t cha know. War on Speed ’05 is expected to last until next week or until some hot strippers show up at the Radisson again.