Tag: Crime

Whatcha doin’, Mr. Munson?

Ah, humor. You remember humor, right? Laughing, chuckling, ROTFL’ing (for the kids). We could all use a little does of low brow levity, right?

The Sacto 9-1-1 brings us the following onion-esque jewel…

A dispute over bowling etiquette grew into a fight, an alleged assault with a bowling ball that knocked out one man’s tooth and an arrest in Rocklin early this morning…The alleged assault occurred about 12:40 a.m. at the Rocklin AMF Lanes at 2325 Sierra Meadows Drive when two groups of bowlers got into a fist fight, Rocklin police Sgt. Terry Jewell stated in a news release…Two bowlers had approached the lane at the same time, and their dispute over who had right of way grew into a brawl involving six people, Jewell said.

The photo of the alleged assailant is a little too onioney. Are we being had?

Tales from dancing on laps

This lap dance story is rich:

When Helen Hart tried to jump start business at her house by putting up a sign for adult tap dancing classes, the 79-year-old grandma started fielding calls for adult lap dancing services.

“I get maybe three to 17 [calls] a week,” Helen said. “I’m nearly 80, so age does mean something. Can you imagine a man coming to the door and I open the door and I go, ‘Yeah?’ He goes, ‘Oh, never mind.'”

It’s made even richer by Helen’s sense of humor…

This lap dance story is not so rich:

Sacramento’s Sheriff’s Department is calling for a ban on lap dancing, but only for two adult bars the county has been battling for years over zoning issues…”The physical nature of the lap dance creates an unsavory element, if you will. I mean, it attracts an unsavory element that leads to prostitution, loitering around these businesses,” counters Sgt. Tim Curran, spokesman for the Sacramento Sheriff’s Department…”There’s no hands touching the customers or customers touching the girls, not at all,” said Mull. He also said in a time of high unemployment and fewer dollars flowing into government coffers, the lap dance ban makes no sense. If the bars have to close down, he said 130 jobs will be lost.

I don’t think the hands touching thing is what concerns people here…but, I could be wrong. You could always just invite the unsavory element to your house for a Pole Dance party!

Argument at Denny’s results in a grand slam

Happy “Furlough Friday” all. It’s your last one…

And to celebrate I thought I’d share this little gem from cbs13.com

A car full of women slammed into a South Sacramento home this morning crashing through several walls and nearly hitting several sleeping children.

Blah, blah, blah, RTOI. We’ve seen this before.

Police say the four women who were inside the car got into some sort of fight at a Denny’s on Mack Road. When officers arrived to break up the fight, the women sped off, leading cops on a high-speed chase into the South Sacramento neighborhood.

Right, right.

Police believe alcohol was involved. The driver has been arrested on suspicion of evading police, resisting arrest, assault and lynching.

You know, the usual…

One way to put it…

The Bee’s Stan Oklobdzija (at least I think that’s how the Sacto 9-1-1 blog works) checks in with an interesting side note about the city’s murder rate for 2009:

Even if someone is killed between now and March 5, this will be the longest period without a homicide in the city of Sacramento since 1999, records show.

Don’t everybody throw your hats into the air in triumph at the same time, lest a falling hat commit a homicide on its way down.

(But on a serious note, that’s pretty great news. I can’t believe there hasn’t been a homicide since New Years!)

“Stay Classy” alert: Lance’s bike stolen

News10’s Ryan Yamamoto reports that cycling legend Lance Armstrong’s one-of-a-kind time trial bike was stolen from his trailer overnight. The trailer was parked behind the new Residence Inn downtown. Yay Sacramento!

This is also a “Stay Classy” alert due to the use of the acronym “WTF” in a news article, quoting Armstrong’s Twitter feed. Yay 21st century newsgathering!

CBS13 on meth

From the intro to this CBS13 video about a large “Smurf” bust.

Seven people are under arrest in what investigators call an elaborate scheme to make meth.

They can MAKE meth??? Oh boy, now we’re really screwed. What will they think of next?!

I’ll leave it up to y’all to make Smurf jokes. Plus: you may use “smurf” in place of other words that might get you banned.

Library cash story brings out good comments on SacBee

cold hard cashI expend a lot of hot air trashing the Bee’s comment feature, but today I have to eat my words. (It appears I must also attend mixed metaphor college.) From today’s Bee story about two library branches no longer accepting cash after the branches have experienced thefts.

Commenter “kevinakin1950” smartly questions the legality of refusing to accept American currency, and goes on to point out that a no-cash policy would discriminate against the poor, who presumably don’t have credit cards. (Let’s not get started on all the people out there who are poor because of their credit cards…)

Continue reading “Library cash story brings out good comments on SacBee”

Berkeley woman fights off armed carjacker

Harmony Bates
from CBS13.com

With a small pair of scissors and the jacker’s own gun, threatening to “shoot his balls off” if he didn’t walk away.

“I grabbed [the scissors] and I started stabbing him in the shoulder, I started stabbing him in the neck,” Harmony said, unimpressed by his fighting ability. “I thought, ‘That’s all he has for a punch?'”

Right AWN, Harmony Bates!

Stayin’ classy in the New Year

KCRA’s report on a shooting death early in the New Year includes one of those “can’t be serious” quotes:

“I was just chillin’ at the party and then all of a sudden I hear that my friend’s been like shot down pretty much.”

“Pretty much” in this case being 100%. Every element of that sentence is classic! This guy reminds me of the Upright Citizens Brigade character “Bong Boy” who smokes so much pot he can’t tell reality from reality television–when he’s being arrested he thinks he is watching “COPS,” etc. It’s possible that’s what’s going on here…

Hiding in Plain Sight

Seen today: one of the craftiest law enforcement vehicles ever on I-80 at Truxel, a dark blue late model Nissan Maxima, with grill and rear window flashers, pulling over another vehicle.

Now, when I think non-descript police vehicle, I think Crown Vic. But a Nissan Maxima? That’s brilliant. I’m not sure whether the car was police or CHP, but it was totally bizarre to see a common suburban four-door import change before one’s eyes into an enforcer. It was like watching real live Transformers.

All I know is that when the cops start using Camrys, the criminals will have nowhere to hide.
Afterthought: Is the plural of Camry, “Camries”?