Author: RonTopofIt

RonTopofIt is a complex personality, as are most of the small breed of modern day renaissance millionaires. He wishes more people were like him and yet believes that it takes all kinds. You've met RonTopofIt many times, you just don't remember him.

Problems we’ll never have (Volume 1)

We love to pile on the problems we have in this town. Heck, the Sac Rag fortune was created off that simple idea. But, from time to time, we should consider the problems other cities have that we will never have to worry about.

For example, “Chief blames ‘knuckleheads’ for Lakers disturbance.”

Looting and vandalism that broke out in the aftermath of the Los Angeles Lakers’ basketball championship won’t keep the city from celebrating the team’s victory …

See, don’t you feel better now? Have your own? Feel free to comment it.

Online observations

The online scene in Sacramento today is especially entertaining …

From the Home page of cbs13.com:

Last week, we brought you a story about an accused shoplifter who used a baby as a shield against law enforcement in the parking lot of a strip mall. We have since learned the alleged shoplifting crime happened inside a Ross store, not a Marshalls as previously reported. We are sorry for any confusion caused by the initial report.

When I first read that story last week I thought, “No way!”, and it turns out my spidey-sense was right. Now, the only confusion I have is about the future of the human race.

From sacbee.com:

Editor’s Note: Comments on this story have been removed because too many users have violated our rules against personal attacks.

And from our very own web log:

Went to Barret Junior High with Lisa Ling. Stuck up snotty bitch who did everything possible to make life hell for the few kids who went there that were poor, like myself. Doesn’t have anything to do with her sister, just wanted to put that out there …

We haven’t had to use it in a while, but I think today it’s worth dusting off …

Stay classy, Sacramento.

Doris does digital

Because someone had to get the word out on this thing, Congresswoman Doris Matsui stepped up and sent me an email today detailing tomorrow’s transition to digital television.

As we get ready to switch to digital television, I want you to be prepared. I have provided a series of resources on my website to help answer any questions you may have. Please see my Digital TV Transition Guide if you have any questions or concerns, and please see below for the schedule of transition for each television station in Sacramento:

Thanks, Doris. At least now I won’t be TOTALLY ambushed by this change. On the good side, the mayhem that should ensue will keep our minds off the economy for a few days.

Pencils & Crayons

Here’s an interesting article from the UK about California discontinuing the use of textbooks in the classroom in favor of digital media. You will quickly notice how we are viewed in other parts of the world after the third or fourth movie pun.

“Our kids get their information from the internet, downloaded onto their iPods, and in Twitter feeds to their cell phones … Basically. kids are feeling as comfortable with their electronic devices as I was with my pencils and crayons.”

I am sure this is true in many cases, but will the government require kids to have iPods, cell phones, and computers connected to the Internet to access these digital textbooks?

Mr Schwarzenegger has ruled out tax increases to make up the shortfall. He said in a statement that he would concentrate on getting better value for money for the state, reconsidering everyday purchases just as ordinary families were having to do during the recession.

What a unique idea. It sort of makes you want to do the Running Man, er, or go Commando, or, or have Twins …

KCRA’s Bienick chases down the story

Bienick doing his best
Sasquatch impersonation

I know this is old news, but I couldn’t help but chuckle while watching the video of KCRA’s Dave Bienick chasing down Sacramento Mayor Kevin Johnson’s SUV yesterday.

A few minutes later, the SUV pulled away and went to the back of the building. KCRA 3 also went to the back of the building to wait.

At that point, the SUV drove away and went back to the front of the building. KCRA 3 followed, arriving just in time to see Johnson hop into the vehicle and ride away.

Bienick called for Johnson to stop, but he did not.

By the way, I’d love to “Watch live coverage of Mayor Kevin Johnson’s weekly news conference at City Hall, during which he will discuss a possible obstacle to Sacramento receiving federal stimulus money.” but how many flippin’ Firefox plugins do I need to get this stuff to work? Here’s the follow up story.

At any rate, well done, Dave.

Showing your Arbuckle

With the overwhelmingly lukewarm response to previous editions of Make Us Laugh, I thought it would be fun to throw this one out there. Comment with your witty snark and we’ll let you know who made us laugh.

Man Arrested for Exposing Himself Every Wednesday

An Arbuckle man has been arrested for allegedly exposing and fondling himself in public every Wednesday for at least the last several weeks, according to the Colusa County Sheriff’s Department…They say he’d stand at a window inside his home and exposed and fondle himself. The undercover officer arrested Sweet after witnessing his alleged crimes.

Shocker, I know, there’s a typo in the article.

Whatcha doin’, Mr. Munson?

Ah, humor. You remember humor, right? Laughing, chuckling, ROTFL’ing (for the kids). We could all use a little does of low brow levity, right?

The Sacto 9-1-1 brings us the following onion-esque jewel…

A dispute over bowling etiquette grew into a fight, an alleged assault with a bowling ball that knocked out one man’s tooth and an arrest in Rocklin early this morning…The alleged assault occurred about 12:40 a.m. at the Rocklin AMF Lanes at 2325 Sierra Meadows Drive when two groups of bowlers got into a fist fight, Rocklin police Sgt. Terry Jewell stated in a news release…Two bowlers had approached the lane at the same time, and their dispute over who had right of way grew into a brawl involving six people, Jewell said.

The photo of the alleged assailant is a little too onioney. Are we being had?

More from the non-news

Green, money that is.
Green, money that is.

As CoolDMZ mentioned earlier this week, the non-news (or half-news?) is becoming more and more noticeable.

Take this article from cbs13.com, for example. The headline reads “Trade In Lawn Mower And Save Some Green” which implies that there is a lawn mower trade in opportunity where one can save some money a.k.a. “green” which is good news for anyone.

How would like you like to help the environment and save some green, money that is, at the same time?

I would like me like!

You can trade in your old, polluting, gasoline-powered mower and purchase a new, cordless electric mower.

Cool. Now for the green saving part and I am all set.

Continue reading “More from the non-news”

Tales from dancing on laps

This lap dance story is rich:

When Helen Hart tried to jump start business at her house by putting up a sign for adult tap dancing classes, the 79-year-old grandma started fielding calls for adult lap dancing services.

“I get maybe three to 17 [calls] a week,” Helen said. “I’m nearly 80, so age does mean something. Can you imagine a man coming to the door and I open the door and I go, ‘Yeah?’ He goes, ‘Oh, never mind.'”

It’s made even richer by Helen’s sense of humor…

This lap dance story is not so rich:

Sacramento’s Sheriff’s Department is calling for a ban on lap dancing, but only for two adult bars the county has been battling for years over zoning issues…”The physical nature of the lap dance creates an unsavory element, if you will. I mean, it attracts an unsavory element that leads to prostitution, loitering around these businesses,” counters Sgt. Tim Curran, spokesman for the Sacramento Sheriff’s Department…”There’s no hands touching the customers or customers touching the girls, not at all,” said Mull. He also said in a time of high unemployment and fewer dollars flowing into government coffers, the lap dance ban makes no sense. If the bars have to close down, he said 130 jobs will be lost.

I don’t think the hands touching thing is what concerns people here…but, I could be wrong. You could always just invite the unsavory element to your house for a Pole Dance party!

Argument at Denny’s results in a grand slam

Happy “Furlough Friday” all. It’s your last one…

And to celebrate I thought I’d share this little gem from cbs13.com

A car full of women slammed into a South Sacramento home this morning crashing through several walls and nearly hitting several sleeping children.

Blah, blah, blah, RTOI. We’ve seen this before.

Police say the four women who were inside the car got into some sort of fight at a Denny’s on Mack Road. When officers arrived to break up the fight, the women sped off, leading cops on a high-speed chase into the South Sacramento neighborhood.

Right, right.

Police believe alcohol was involved. The driver has been arrested on suspicion of evading police, resisting arrest, assault and lynching.

You know, the usual…