Category: News

Showing your Arbuckle

With the overwhelmingly lukewarm response to previous editions of Make Us Laugh, I thought it would be fun to throw this one out there. Comment with your witty snark and we’ll let you know who made us laugh.

Man Arrested for Exposing Himself Every Wednesday

An Arbuckle man has been arrested for allegedly exposing and fondling himself in public every Wednesday for at least the last several weeks, according to the Colusa County Sheriff’s Department…They say he’d stand at a window inside his home and exposed and fondle himself. The undercover officer arrested Sweet after witnessing his alleged crimes.

Shocker, I know, there’s a typo in the article.

KXJZ gets real on “Tent City”

From a piece on Wednesday by Cap Radio, it turns out that the tent city is not a creation of a down economy:

“I’ve heard anywhere from 100 to 1200, and I’ve heard anything from 100 new tents a night to 50 new people a week.” 
 
Uh, no, says Zoulas.  He thinks there’s probably between a hundred and 130 people here at any given time.  And Zoulas says he doesn’t know of a single one of them here because of the down economy.

Whatcha doin’, Mr. Munson?

Ah, humor. You remember humor, right? Laughing, chuckling, ROTFL’ing (for the kids). We could all use a little does of low brow levity, right?

The Sacto 9-1-1 brings us the following onion-esque jewel…

A dispute over bowling etiquette grew into a fight, an alleged assault with a bowling ball that knocked out one man’s tooth and an arrest in Rocklin early this morning…The alleged assault occurred about 12:40 a.m. at the Rocklin AMF Lanes at 2325 Sierra Meadows Drive when two groups of bowlers got into a fist fight, Rocklin police Sgt. Terry Jewell stated in a news release…Two bowlers had approached the lane at the same time, and their dispute over who had right of way grew into a brawl involving six people, Jewell said.

The photo of the alleged assailant is a little too onioney. Are we being had?

Tales from dancing on laps

This lap dance story is rich:

When Helen Hart tried to jump start business at her house by putting up a sign for adult tap dancing classes, the 79-year-old grandma started fielding calls for adult lap dancing services.

“I get maybe three to 17 [calls] a week,” Helen said. “I’m nearly 80, so age does mean something. Can you imagine a man coming to the door and I open the door and I go, ‘Yeah?’ He goes, ‘Oh, never mind.'”

It’s made even richer by Helen’s sense of humor…

This lap dance story is not so rich:

Sacramento’s Sheriff’s Department is calling for a ban on lap dancing, but only for two adult bars the county has been battling for years over zoning issues…”The physical nature of the lap dance creates an unsavory element, if you will. I mean, it attracts an unsavory element that leads to prostitution, loitering around these businesses,” counters Sgt. Tim Curran, spokesman for the Sacramento Sheriff’s Department…”There’s no hands touching the customers or customers touching the girls, not at all,” said Mull. He also said in a time of high unemployment and fewer dollars flowing into government coffers, the lap dance ban makes no sense. If the bars have to close down, he said 130 jobs will be lost.

I don’t think the hands touching thing is what concerns people here…but, I could be wrong. You could always just invite the unsavory element to your house for a Pole Dance party!

Argument at Denny’s results in a grand slam

Happy “Furlough Friday” all. It’s your last one…

And to celebrate I thought I’d share this little gem from cbs13.com

A car full of women slammed into a South Sacramento home this morning crashing through several walls and nearly hitting several sleeping children.

Blah, blah, blah, RTOI. We’ve seen this before.

Police say the four women who were inside the car got into some sort of fight at a Denny’s on Mack Road. When officers arrived to break up the fight, the women sped off, leading cops on a high-speed chase into the South Sacramento neighborhood.

Right, right.

Police believe alcohol was involved. The driver has been arrested on suspicion of evading police, resisting arrest, assault and lynching.

You know, the usual…

Oprahbucks

Good news! … sort of … maybe … Cbs13.com & sacbee.com report that two Sacramento homeless programs have been flooded with donations since they were featured on Oprah Winfrey’s show last week (yes, last week, I know this story is old news, not trying to scoop here, and stop looking at me like that).

CBS13 also profiled St. John’s Shelter shortly before the story ran on the Oprah show. John’s Shelter for women and children is filled to capacity, thanks to the economy. Executive Director Michele Steeb says the shelter turned away 25 women and children a day in 2007, but that number jumped to 80 in 2008 and is now 130 per day in 2009.

“Thanks to the economy“. Nice.

And from the Oprah article:

Tent cities are illegal in Sacramento, but Lisa says that may change soon. “So many people are seeking out shelter because all of the homeless shelters are filled beyond capacity, that they’re actually thinking about legalizing tent communities, and the city is actually thinking about providing services,” she says. “Surprisingly, the community has been extremely sympathetic because so many people in Sacramento have gone into foreclosure. … The shelters say that people have actually been donating more because the attitude is ‘I’d rather spend money so that people can have shelter than buy new material stuff.'”

If you are actually interested in learning more, watch the video of Lisa visiting Tent City.

One way to put it…

The Bee’s Stan Oklobdzija (at least I think that’s how the Sacto 9-1-1 blog works) checks in with an interesting side note about the city’s murder rate for 2009:

Even if someone is killed between now and March 5, this will be the longest period without a homicide in the city of Sacramento since 1999, records show.

Don’t everybody throw your hats into the air in triumph at the same time, lest a falling hat commit a homicide on its way down.

(But on a serious note, that’s pretty great news. I can’t believe there hasn’t been a homicide since New Years!)

“Stay Classy” alert: Lance’s bike stolen

News10’s Ryan Yamamoto reports that cycling legend Lance Armstrong’s one-of-a-kind time trial bike was stolen from his trailer overnight. The trailer was parked behind the new Residence Inn downtown. Yay Sacramento!

This is also a “Stay Classy” alert due to the use of the acronym “WTF” in a news article, quoting Armstrong’s Twitter feed. Yay 21st century newsgathering!

Watch Your Prepositions

Is it just me, or was anyone else confused by the following Bee headline: California Fugitive Caught with $70,000 in Shoes.

It turns out that the man, Rosevillian Christopher Warren, did not, as I had originally thought, have $70,000 worth of shoes on him when caught, but rather had $70,000 in cash stuffed in his shoes.  I had just pictured this man burdended with a Santa-sized sack of stilettos trying to cross the Canadian border and it made me smile.